Small child #1: But I don't want to be a cop! I want to be a robber!
Small child #2: Too bad, you have to be a cop.
Small child #1: Why can't we all just be robbers, then we can steal stuff and no one can catch us?
Small child #2: Because, stupid… that's how it is! Robbers and cops! It's no fun to be a robber if there aren't any cops to chase you!
–Outside Brooklyn Church
Teenage nerd: My boss and my dealer have the same name. One time I called my boss asking for weed, and he was like "hey!" and I was like "yo, lemme cop" and he was like "I think you have the wrong number" and I hung up.
–Tompkins Square Park
Overheard by: joy
Yuppie 30-something in black coat and white scarf: I'm going crazy! I've got his dealer's number programmed into my phone, but I can't remember her name, so if I call, I won't know who to ask for. And you have to know who to ask for, or they'll think you're a cop!
–16th St & 7th Ave
Loud, mildly intoxicated girl at dinner: People who litter are so much worse than drug dealers.
–Brooklyn
Lady on cell: Tourism is the only industry that doesn't depend on drug cartels.
–14th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Diaz
Teenage boy to friend: So when I was walking by the store I saw this guy being dragged out in handcuffs.
Friend: Shit, why didn't you call the cops or something?
–Park Slope
Overheard by: areyouserious?
Cop #1: Sir, you need to move along.
Insane hobo: I didn't touch anyone, goddammit! I didn't do nuthin! I don't touch!
Cop #2: Just get the hell outta here.
Cop #1: Please just move along.
Hobo: I didn't do nuthin, goddammit!
Cop #2 to cop #1: Can I pistol whip him?
–Atlantic Avenue Station, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Derek
Bag lady #1: Keep movin’, lady! You just keep movin’!
Bag lady #2: I don’t acquiesce to no Irish! I don’t acquiesce to no Irish! I’ll cut the police commissioner’s neck off! I’ll cut his neck off!
–7th Ave, between 23rd & 24th
Overheard by: CKJ
Old suit: Why can't we cross?
Police officer: The President's coming through.
Old suit: He's not my President. Where do you think you are?
–50th & 3rd Ave
Cop #1: It smells like bacon.
Cop #2: Sorry.
–W 47th St
Cop with hat tucked under arm to K-9 dog: Arooo-ooo-ooo!
K-9 dog: Ooouu-ooo-ooo!
Cop: Ouw-ouw-ouw!
K-9 dog: Arooo-ouw-ouw!
Cop and K-9 dog, in harmony: Ouw-ouw-ooooo!
Old man, putting $1 in cop's hat: Excellent.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Thomas
Male cop: My brother got taken in for rape this morning. To jail.
Female cop: Yeah, one of my kids was arrested last week.
(both laugh)
–42nd St & Park Ave
Overheard by: Lynne
NYC cop #1: You ever seen Bobby's World?
NYC cop #2: Yeah!
–The Pond, Manhattan
Overheard by: Oscar
