Coworkers

Wednesday One-Liners from H-E Double Hockey Sticks

Guy looking at books, to no one in particular: I don’t want to hear or see anything about the devil, demons, voodoo or big hairy black guys.

–Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: 153

Guy hawking pamphlets: How to sucker punch the devil right in the ass!

–W 12th & Brodway

Overheard by: Why didn’t I get that pamphlet?!

Coworker about colleague: Every time he comes by here the number 666 comes up.

–1250 Broadway

Punk kid, walking past a group of nuns: Hail Satan!

–Waverly & Greene

Professor: I don’t want to be saved, I want to go to hell. I’ll meet interesting people there!

–Cooper Union, Astor Place

Overheard by: Hopefully not me!

Crazy older lady screaming on cell: You what? You are buying soda? You are going to go to fucking hell! Don’t you remember the promise you made to god? You’re probably standing in line with some goddamn candy too. You are going to hell!

–W Train

Overheard by: DR G LUV

Isn't It Great That We Can Talk Like This?

Black MTA employee guy: My brother is the conductor on this train.
Hispanic MTA employee woman: Is that right? What's his name?
Black MTA employee guy: I don't know.
Hispanic MTA employee woman: You don't know his name? And he's your brother?
Black MTA employee guy: He's a brother from another mother. You know, kinda light-skinned, with freckles.
Hispanic MTA employee woman: Oh, I know that guy. He hangs out with what's-his-name.
Black MTA employee guy: Yeah, right.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Stephanie Luke

It’s Hard to Return Presents When You’re Boxed Yourself

Guy associate: I mean, I saw the picture; how dangerous could it
really be?
Girl associate: Well, it would be pretty terrible to die on your
honeymoon. I mean, what’s the protocol for that? Do you get to keep
the wedding gifts? Send them back?

–Law Firm, 59th & Lexington

Without Drugs, Manhattan Would Cease to Exist

Worker #1: I just took a Xanax.
Worker #2: I just took a Vicodin.
Worker #1: Wow, we’re like a little pharmacy back here.
Worker #2: Yeah, my back really hurts.
Worker #1: Yeah, my life hurts.

–Think Coffee, Mercer St

Overheard by: kevin

It’s Wonderful How Women Listen to Each Other

PR woman #1: So, my cousin’s test on her biopsy showed that it was cancerous…
PR woman #2: Girl, that nuttin’. My best friend’s sister’s husband — he’s a doctor — was drivin’ to the city from New Jersey yesterday, got outta his car and got run over by a truck.

–Union Square station

Overheard by: drfunk

It's a Long Story, but You've Got Time Too Hear It

Guy in red community service jumpsuit: You know how they caught me for that? I went back to look at the fire. They said 85% of the people go back to watch.
Girl in same jumpsuit: That makes sense. Cuz I did that before too, but I didn't get caught for it.

–Mott & Bleecker

Overheard by: Bookgirl

Maybe Those Guys in Ski Masks Took Them? Let's Go Smoke a Bowl

Employee #1: What happened to all those CD players in the corner?
Employee #2: Man, who the fuck cares?

–Union Square Circuit City

Overheard by: Wasn't Me

You Get Out the Candles to Cleanse Their Chi

Baggage handler #1: The flight from Bombay is delayed.
Baggage handler #2: I'll have the Lysol ready to spray them down.

–JFK International Arrivals Terminal 3

Probably a Misunderstanding About the Meaning of “Eye Candy”

Coat check girl: Last night Michael came in my eye and it was all puffy and red.
Stripper: Why did he do that?
Coat check: He said he didn’t mean it. Usually he goes for my nostrils or my ear. We couldn’t go out for dinner for two hours until it died down.
Stripper: Wow.

–Strip Club

Overheard by: rory

Have You Forgotten Fran Drescher?

Chinese coworker: Hey, you’re wearing makeup today!
Jewish coworker: Yeah, I had a little extra time this morning.
Chinese coworker: But I thought Jewish people couldn’t wear makeup?
Jewish coworker: Huh!?

–Office Building, 26th & 11th

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