Mother: You sent 340 text messages and went over the plan. You owe me $10.
Daughter: Can I have $10?
Mother: Sure. (hands daughter $10)
Daughter: Here! (hands mother $10)
–Outside St. James Theatre
Mother: You sent 340 text messages and went over the plan. You owe me $10.
Daughter: Can I have $10?
Mother: Sure. (hands daughter $10)
Daughter: Here! (hands mother $10)
–Outside St. James Theatre
Wannabe goth guy: If you're gonna kill me, please don't cut off my dick. Just kill me.
Wannabe goth girl: I'm kinda psycho. I'm kinda psycho.
Wannabe goth guy: Just don't cut off my dick.
–A Train
Overheard by: Whubagong
Guy #1, getting out of shower: Oh! Great news. I learned how to swallow!
Guy #2: That's fantastic!
–Locker Room, David Barton Gym
Overheard by: Baby steps
Gay guy: Do I have a dick on my face?
Fag hag: I don't think so.
–50th & 11th
Overheard by: Memory
Guy #1:So what did he die of?
Guy #2: HIV–and complications to rattlesnake venom. I gotta write a book, right?
–Chelsea Cinemas, 23rd St
Overheard by: Doug Bost
Dork #1: Dude, I think I just saw Brad Pitt!
Dork #2: What? Where?
Dork #1: Over there on the bench! It's him!
Dork #2: No way!
Dork #1: Yes it is! It's Brad Pitt!
Dork #2: I don't believe you! Why don't you go ask him?
Dork #1: Dude, you just don't go up to someone and ask if they're Brad Pitt.
–Columbia University
Hipster #1: Every time I sleep with your mom she makes me half a sandwich.
Hipster #2: She makes me a low-fat sandwich.
Hipster #1: A half a sandwich is a low-fat sandwich.
–14th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Quarter Sandwhich
Post grad #1: Can't you just come work at planned parenthood with me?
Post grad #2: No, I just need to become a prostitute to make ends meet. Oh my god! Then I could come to planned parenthood to have all my STDs treated!
–105st & Amsterdam
Blonde chick: Where do you want to get brunch?
British boyfriend: I don't care, anywhere really…
Hobo in Saudi head wrap: Ahh, the youth of America, just shopping and fucking!
–Carmine & Bedford
Overheard by: Maggie
Hispanic guy: Oh, it's just a fag.
Hispanic chick: What?
Hispanic guy: I thought it was Jason Bourne.
Hispanic chick: You thought Jason Bourne was gonna come after us?
Hispanic guy: Yeah… Hey, look–it's another tattoo place! Tonight's the night!
Both together (singing): Tonight's the night!
–Stanton & Norfolk
