So It’s Guaranteed You’ll Fall Asleep Right Afterwards

Hipster guy trying to make out with hipster girl: Come on baby, I swear I’m not drunk.
Exasperated hipster girl: Oh my god, I didn’t say you’re drunk, I said you have mono.

–Friday Night Bar Crawl, West 4th St

Posted on May 30, 2008
Bars & Clubs, Compare/Contrast, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Fears, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Illness, Offers and requests, Pick-up Lines, The Village, Threats

I Worried She’d Never Develop Man-Boobs

Male professor #1: Your daughter is starting to look like you.
Male professor #2: That’s comforting.

–NYU

Overheard by: ann

Posted on May 30, 2008
Compliments, Coworkers, Default, Family Ties, NYU, Parents, Physical appearance, Teachers/Professors

Well We Do Have to Determine There Was No Foul Play

PetCo employee: If your goldfish dies within the first fifteen days, you can return it for a full refund.
Customer: Do I bring back the corpse?

–Union Square PetCo

Overheard by: Jenny

Posted on May 30, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Business and Commerce, Customers, Death, Default, Money & Class, Questions, Store, Union Square and East Village, We Love Our Pets, Weirdness

More Legal Troubles for Zsa Zsa Gabor

Woman: So… After she took the banana, the monkey just up and slapped her! Can you believe that?
Man: What did she do?
Woman: What do you think she did? She slapped that bitch right back!

–JFK Airport

Posted on May 30, 2008
Animals & Nature, Bitch-slap, Default, Fruit, JFK Airport, Men, Weirdness, Women

And the Ensuing Blowjob Happened Organically

Guy #1: My friend hit my balls so I tackled him to the ground and grabbed his nuts. That’s not gay, right?
Guy #2: No, he hit you first.
Guy #1: I mean, it’s not like I was crushing grapes or anything, he hit me in the nuts! What was I supposed to do!?

–NYU Bus

Overheard by: totallynotgay

Posted on May 29, 2008
Balls, Default, Fears, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Guys, NYU, On the Bus, Questions, Violence

And I Don’t Think That Accurately Describes Blinking

Girl #1: He really said that, “making gravy”?
Girl #2: Yeah! About a bodily function!

–Union Square

Posted on May 29, 2008
Body Parts, Default, Girls, Innuendo, Union Square and East Village, Words

And That’s Why He’s Homeless

Bum: Give me a dollar!
Guy: I’ll give you two dollars!
Bum: Give me a dollar.
Guy: I’ll give you two dollars!
Bum: You’ll give me two dollars?
Guy: On Friday.
Bum: No. Give me a dollar.
Guy: Hey, I’ll give you five dollars on Friday if you give me a dollar right now.
Bum: You want me to give you money?
Guy: A dollar. Right now. For five on Friday.
[Bum walks away.]

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Andy

Posted on May 29, 2008
Default, Guys, Homeless, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Penn Station, Questions

John Goodman Would Retaliate Later in Life

Little boy: I want a Cinnabon for breakfast!
Dour mom: Now, Matthew, let me ask you a question. How many grams of sugar does a Cinnabon have?
Little boy, dejectedly: Seven.
Dour mom: And how many grams of sugar are you allowed to eat at breakfast?
Little boy: Fiiiive.
Dour mom: Well then, don’t you think… [they go out of hearing range]

–5 Train

Overheard by: Jonathan Harford