Girl #1: Oh, I like your sweater!
Girl #2: Oh, thanks, my mom gave it to me. You know it's funny, she gave it to me a few months ago because she said New York winters are cold and I have nothing that's wool. I was like, “Mom, you cannot seriously expect me to wear this for real.” Last week I wore it as a joke, but then everyone was like “That sweater is so cool!” so now this time I'm wearing it for real.
Girl #2: Good decision.
–Classroom, Fordham University
Overheard by: Martin Van Nostrand
(group of black teenagers board the train)
Teenage girl: Goddamn, there are a lot of people on this train.
Middle-aged Mexican woman: How dare you? How dare you! I am a Christian and I will not put up with this. Not on my train. You are disrespecting our Lord and every Christian on this train! God sent his beloved son Jesus down to the earth to save our souls, and I will not put up with hearing you speak against him. I am a Christian and… Nah, I’m just fucking with ‘ya.
–E Train
Overheard by: fusoya
NYU professor: And so the Chinese invented statistics to take censuses. (to girl) Would you have been counted?
Girl: Um… Yes?
Guy: No, because they only counted men in the censuses.
Professor: Right, because this was back in the good old days, when men were men and women were washing machines.
–NYU Kaufman Building
Overheard by: Erin
Transplanted valley girl: I had so much sex sophomore year, but, like, I could never get a boyfriend!
Guy: Hmmmmm, weird!
–E 6th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: pete gunz
Old lady #1: Well, we had already put ten thousand in the bank, so the Feds didn’t get ahold of that, thank God.
Old lady #2: Oh, good. Will that cover the cost of the lawyer?
Old lady #1: His Highness doesn’t want one.
–Veselka, 9th & 2nd
Overheard by: Cpt. Kate
Teen girl #1: You know, besides Manhattan, Brooklyn is the coolest borough.
Teen girl #2: Obviously. Queens is boring, the Bronx is scary, and Staten Island is a myth.
–Brooklyn Bridge
NYU girl #1 (singing): “Jingle bells/Jingle bells…”
NYU girl #2: Would you stop singing Christmas music, you're Jewish! Sing “Dreidel, dreidel”!
NYU girl #1: Ewwww.. No, I hate that stupid Jew song!
–Q Train
Mom: We should call up doctor Katz* so he can check you up, figure out your measurements and percentiles.
Kid: I like it when I pee in the cup!
Mom: Oh, do you?
Kid (as they exit the train): Yeah. Do you like the cup mommy? Do you? Do you?
–1 Train
Overheard by: RG
(crowded train at rush hour)
Polite woman: Can you move in, please?
Annoyed suit: Move in where? This guy’s in me.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Zhi Man Huang
Boyfriend: I've got it. A giant human hamster ball.
Girlfriend: You are not putting our daughter in a hamster ball to keep her away from weird men.
Boyfriend: But you have to admit it's better than the idea of a leash or the electric fence.
–81st & York
