A Chain Of Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on phone: Yeah, I'm here. But I think I passed through the ghetto on the way. Yeah, it was definitely the ghetto. How do I know? It was really obvious: because I saw a sizzler and all the buildings looked the same!

–Penn Station

20-something girl, watching street protest: They better not have closed Popeyes for this.

–M Bus

Overheard by: BHM

Tiny white girl: I just want to go into Applebee's and punch everyone in the face.

–Times Square

Overheard by: that would pass the time…

Girl on cell: Look mom, there's a Jamba Juice. That place is like famous.

–Herald Square

Slob tourist chick to fat husband: I hate my life! Ooooh, Olive Garden!

–Times Square

Overheard by: BarcLeh

Posted on January 14, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Couples, Drinks, Food, Girls, Gripes, Moms, On Cell, On the Bus, Penn Station, Politics, Punch, Street, Stupidity, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Sure Hope Carlos Likes Kool-Aid

Black guy: Damn! You got a pretty face!
(pretty Latina turns around and ignores him)
Black guy (taking seat halfway down train): Dang! How you going to turn around on me like that?
(pretty Latina ignores him)
Black guy (very loudly): How are you going to turn around like that?
(pretty Latina now looks embarrassed)
Black guy (pulling out guitar from case): This song goes out to the girl with the pretty face! She's over there! With the long hair and the boots!
(people turn and look, pretty Latina looks very embarrassed now)
Black guy (singing to tune of “My Girl”): Come on everyone! Even the white people–join in! (sings) I've got sunshine, on a cloudy day. When it's cold outside, I've got the month of may.
(people start to join in, pretty Latina's friends are cheering and singing)
Black guy (singing): My girl! She's got black boots! The one with the long hair! C'mon girl! If you let me take you home…I'll…I'll…make you some Kool-Aid!
(pretty Latina gets off train)
Black guy: Ah, hell no! (pause). Alright, this one's for the guy with the ball! (pointing to guy with soccer ball under arm) His name's Carlos! He's from Puerto Rico!

–2 Train

Posted on January 8, 2009
Beauty, Black People, Drinks, Friends, Hair, Latinos, Music, On the Subway, Passengers, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Race, Shoes

I Heard If You Drink Like Ten Slim-Fasts You Disappear

20-something JAP #1: I've been walking a lot lately. Can you, like, lose calories from walking?
20-something JAP #2 (drinking bottle of Fiji water): Um, I dunno. That's a good question. But, like, water is negative calories.

–63rd & 1st

Overheard by: RRJr.

Posted on December 26, 2008
Diet/Weight, Drinks, JAPs, Questions, Upper East Side

Especially Right After She Takes It Out of His Ass

Girlfriend: Oh man, this soda tastes like my foot!
Boyfriend: How do you know what your foot tastes like? It could be delicious.
Girlfriend: Why do you always have to contradict me? I think it's a pretty accurate guess that my foot would not be too appetizing, Christ!

–Washington Square Park

Posted on December 23, 2008
Body Parts, Couples, Drinks, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Washington Square Park

Little Did She Know, How Close She Actually Came to Catching “Hobo”

Hobo: Yo baby, I'll give you this dollar if you give me that Coke.
Woman (holding a half-empty bottle of Diet Coke): Uh, no.
Hobo: Then at least go out to dinner with me!
Woman: No.
Hobo: Bitch, I'm a self-made millionaire! Fuck you!
Woman (walking away quickly): I knew I shouldn't have made eye contact.

–Chinatown

Overheard by: Britta

Posted on December 21, 2008
Chinatown, Drinks, Food, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Women

I Don't Know, I Still Can't Figured Out What Possessed Me to Cum in It

Girl #1: Did you get tested for AIDS?
Girl #2: Yes, but they haven't gotten back to me yet.
Girl #1: Dammit! Why did i drink from your water bottle?

–74th & Riverside

Overheard by: a fox

Posted on December 21, 2008
AIDS, Drinks, Girls, Questions, Stupidity, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Psych! Your Childhood Blows!

Cigarette-bearing mom with raspy voice: Honey, do you want to come with me to get an iced tea?
Five-year old son: Yeah!
Cigarette-bearing mom with raspy voice: No, I was kidding…I'm getting cigarettes.

–129th St, Rockaway

Overheard by: Robert

Posted on December 15, 2008
Drinks, Kids, Lies, Moms, Offers and requests, Queens, Smoking, Weirdness

Then We Ate Pizza and Candy and Watched Movies on Our Big-Screen TVs

Thug #1, about classes taken in juvenile detention: I took nutrition. It was good, because I want to be in nursing, and it's like…wellness.
Thug #2: Yeah, well, I took culinary. It was sweet, cuz we like, made lemonade and shit.

–Penn Station

Posted on December 2, 2008
Crime and Punishment, Drinks, Education, Food, Penn Station, Thugs

From The Alcoholic Miser's Guide to the Big Apple

Server: Would you ladies like iced water or bottled water?
20-something girl: Do we have to pay for bottled water?
Server: Um, yes.
20-something girl: Oh, then no. I'll just have a beer.

–Pisticci Restaurant, La Salle & Broadway

Overheard by: Edd