Guy #1: What, you think he’s a moron because he didn’t go to grad school?
Guy #2: No, he’s a moron because he lost an argument with my cat.
–F Train
Guy #1: What, you think he’s a moron because he didn’t go to grad school?
Guy #2: No, he’s a moron because he lost an argument with my cat.
–F Train
Chick: My theology professor is sooooo in tune with everything.
Dude: Well, duh, he probably drinks holy water and shit.
–Washington Square Park
Black girl: I’m not voting. I’m from Illinois and I never registered to get an absentee ballot.
White guy: Well, Obama’s clearly going to win there, anyway. (pause) Oh, wait… No, I didn’t mean…
Black girl: No, it’s okay, you’re right, I would have voted for him.
White guy: But that’s not why I… It wasn’t the black thing, it was the NYU thing.
–NYU Silver Center
English teacher: Alright class, let us come together and share our lists of literary terms. (pause) Just so we’re clear, "Lolcat" is not a literary term.
–Stuyvesant High School
Math teacher: Does everyone get why I can just get rid of the 8 in this equation? Because I’m just looking for an answer. (takes a deep sigh) …Aren’t we all?
–Hunter College High School
Math teacher: We might start this unit tomorrow–maybe not. Depends on how my jury duty goes. I just need to keep convincing them that I have no faith in the criminal justice system.
–Hunter College High School
Teacher: No excuses, we do not climb the walls!
–PS 234
Overheard by: sjhaughty
English teacher: It was the year after they invented college and I was in college…
–Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Julie
English teacher: I love going to the supermarket because I love scaring little kids. I’ll be like: "Hellooo little boy," and he’ll run away screaming. Ah, I love shopping.
–Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Julie
Professor: So as I’ve said the exam will be open book, and you can work with your classmates.
Student: Is it open book?
Professor: Ahhhh… I’m tired, and I need a martini.
–NYU Classroom
Black girl #1: I wanna date a white boy. One that looks like a skater.
Black girl #2: No, not me. I want an intellectual, so I could act all ignorant around him and he’d still love me.
–158th & St Nicks
Overheard by: jay r.
Professor: As you all know, IQ is 80% inherited.
Front row student, blurting: Oh shit, no wonder.
–NYU
Male cashier: “WI”? Which state is “WI”?
Female cashier: West Indies?
Male cashier: Okay. That makes sense.
Female cashier: No, wait, is it Wisconsin? Ha, it’s totally Wisconsin.
Male cashier: Who cares, they’re both really far away. Isn’t Wisconsin on, like, the other side of the world?
Female cashier: No, dummy, Wisconsin is in this country.
Male cashier: Oh. I was never good at geography.
–Met Foods, Prospect Heights
Young girl: Mom, I don’t want to go to ballet!
Mother: Sweetie, you have to. I paid four hundred dollars for one lesson. If you think you’re gonna back out of this now…
Young girl: But mom, the teacher touches me!
Mother: Well, damn it, he can touch you as much as he wants for the four fucking hundred dollars I spend every week!
–60th St & 4th, Brooklyn
Overheard by: kristen
Blonde: So I started calling my students “nizzle”.
Brunette: “Nizzle” means “nigger”.
Blonde: Oh. My. God.
–A Train
