Professor: As you all know, IQ is 80% inherited.
Front row student, blurting: Oh shit, no wonder.
–NYU
Professor: As you all know, IQ is 80% inherited.
Front row student, blurting: Oh shit, no wonder.
–NYU
Male cashier: “WI”? Which state is “WI”?
Female cashier: West Indies?
Male cashier: Okay. That makes sense.
Female cashier: No, wait, is it Wisconsin? Ha, it’s totally Wisconsin.
Male cashier: Who cares, they’re both really far away. Isn’t Wisconsin on, like, the other side of the world?
Female cashier: No, dummy, Wisconsin is in this country.
Male cashier: Oh. I was never good at geography.
–Met Foods, Prospect Heights
Young girl: Mom, I don’t want to go to ballet!
Mother: Sweetie, you have to. I paid four hundred dollars for one lesson. If you think you’re gonna back out of this now…
Young girl: But mom, the teacher touches me!
Mother: Well, damn it, he can touch you as much as he wants for the four fucking hundred dollars I spend every week!
–60th St & 4th, Brooklyn
Overheard by: kristen
Blonde: So I started calling my students “nizzle”.
Brunette: “Nizzle” means “nigger”.
Blonde: Oh. My. God.
–A Train
Petulant child: Speed walking is boring! I want to be myself!
–1st Ave & 5th St
Awkward teen boy to friend: It was really boring until I got laid.
–66th & Broadway
Chick on cell: How is pantylessness ever boring?
–113th b/w Broadway & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Ladle
Young art history teacher: So basically, I like to lecture the whole first class and bore the hell out of them. That way, everything I say afterwards is interesting!
–74th & Madison
Overheard by: Erin Partridge
Short girl to lab partner: Sometimes, when I’m bored, I become a tuning fork. (slowly hits herself on the head) Diiiing!
–Chemistry Lab, Stuyvesant High School
Male physics teacher (with accent): Does anybody know what induction is?
Female student: I know!
Male physics teacher (with accent): What is it?
Female student: No touchy-touchy!
Male physics teacher (with accent): Exactly!
–Stuyvesant High School
Little boy: Is it garbage or is it presents? Is it garbage or is it presents?
Mom: If you aren’t quiet, whatever is in the bags now will be garbage.
Little boy: [Silence.]Mom: Uh huh… That’s called logic.
–Park Slope, Brooklyn
Male suit: Ugh! What is that smell?
Female suit: It’s from the nut guy.
Male suit: Who?
Female suit: The nut guy. He’s over there selling warm, roasted nuts. He’s nuts for nuts!
Male suit: Oh. Man, it’s freezing out here! I wish someone would roast my nuts!
Female suit: Don’t be gross! There’s kids around!
Male suit: Yeah, what’s up with all these kids? What is up with 5th avenue?
Female suit: I think it’s a school trip. They’re here to see the tree.
Male suit: That’s fucking dumb! Their asses need to be in school!
Female suit: Wow, you’re unpleasant!
Male suit: Screw you! You’re nuts for my nuts!
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Juan Chung
Sex ed volunteer: Now if you put the condom on the wrong way, do not, I repeat, do not turn it inside out and put it on. Because we all know what gets on the tip.
Male student: Penis juice!
Sex ed volunteer: Did you just say “penis juice”?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Withnail
Student teacher: Guys! Seriously! Was the Underground Railroad an actual train?
7th graders: No.
Student teacher: Then why did you all circle “true” for number 8: “The Underground Railroad ran on coal”?
–University Neighborhood Middle School
