Fashion

A Few Sucky Wednesday One-Liners

Brunette woman yelling on cell: Look, I'm 24 fucking years old. If I want to suck dick all day, that's my business!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Blank Slater

Girl on cell: First you go, "accckkk… accckkkk" (makes choking sounds) Then you have a mouth fulla cum!

–Madison Ave

Overheard by: I.R.

50-something woman, screaming into cell: Listen, asshole, I'm not some cheap slut you can call whenever you need someone to suck you off, I have a job!

–Penn Station Taxi Line

Black man in phone booth: You better suck that juicy white cock, and get me that perfume, bitch!

–7th Ave & 35th St

But I’m a Sucker for Anything Involving Kittens

Large black guy #1: Yo, check out that chick’s earrings.
Large black guy #2: Damn, they even match her outfit.
Large black guy #1: That’s, like, a whole new level of matching.
Large black guy #2, to girl: Yo, did you make those?
Girl: No, my sister did.
Large black guy #2: I reeeally like those.

–1 train

Overheard by: i like them too

I Know a Place Where They Fix That, Too

Euro hipster #1: I got the soles of my shoes fixed.
Euro hipster #2: Your what?
Euro hipster #1 #1: You know, the soles of my shoes. The bottoms.
Euro hipster #2: I do not know this word.
Euro hipster #1: You know, S-O-U-L.
Euro hipster #2: Ah, like ass-soul?

–New York Sports Club, Astoria

Overheard by: Lizzy Vegas

She Doesn’t Require Bibs Anymore

Chick #1: It’s wearing off.
Chick #2: Oh my god, it looks so good though.
Chick #1: Yeah. Botox really works.
Chick #2: My mom doesn’t need that but she really needs a neck lift.

–Sarabeth’s (East), Madison Avenue

Guess That Also Explains Why You're So Fashionably Thin!

Woman with crew cut to salesman: Excuse me, my husband's glow necklace is leaking–may I exchange it?
(glow necklace salesman hands her a new one)
Salesman: And that's a lovely haircut you have!
Woman, not amused: I'm going through cancer.

–Prospect Park

Why Pillbox Hats Are Making a Comeback

Preppy girl: I wonder why celebrities do so many drugs.
Queen: Honey, you can only buy so much couture.

–F Train

Color Me Beautiful Changed His Whole Worldview

Woman #1: What’s he wear now?
Woman #2: He’s completely switched. Now he likes to wear button-down shirts with cufflinks.
Woman #1: That probably looks much better. His face is way too brown to be goth.

–44th & 8th

Overheard by: Pete

I Thought the Devil Wore Prada

Bag man: Nice toes.
Guy: Um…thanks?
Bag man: Well, you know, so many people be wearin’ these things and they got some nasty boar feet, but you got some nice toes there. Good for you.

–Barney’s Warehouse Sale, W. 17th Street

Overheard by: A. Hender

The Pogo Stick Made an Honest Woman Out of Her

Teen girl #1: I got a doctor’s appointment after school today. My mom saw this hickey and she’s taking me for a pregnancy test.
Teen boy: Yo, Mexican mom’s is crazy.
Teen girl #2: That sucks. If my mom ever tries to take me, I’m telling her it’s a civil rights violation.
Teen girl #1: I already got my excuse. I’m gonna say it busted when I was riding my bike.
Teen boy: No, that’s no good. Say you was jumpin’ up and down.

–7 train

Along with Blue Balls and Shame

NYU brat #1: So, did you guys end up hooking up, or what?
NYU brat #2: Yeah, we dry-humped for, like, an hour.
NYU brat #1: Dry-humped?! What are we, back in, like, eighth grade?
NYU brat #2: What, you haven’t heard? Dry-humping is sooo back in.

–NYU

Overheard by: CK

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