Girl: I’m feeling a little Rubenesque today.
Guy: Ruben Studdard?
Girl: You’re a dipshit.
–72nd & Columbus
Girl: I’m feeling a little Rubenesque today.
Guy: Ruben Studdard?
Girl: You’re a dipshit.
–72nd & Columbus
Boyfriend: I would do just about anything for a job right now, maybe even take it in the ass.
Friend: Ew! Why would you want to do that? It burns and throbs for like a week after.
(long awkward pause)
Friend: Uh-oh. (blushes, runs away)
Boyfriend, yelling over crowd: Oh, great… You set me back months with my girlfriend.
Girlfriend: You're such an asshole!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: nick
Girl #1: Oh my god! Hi!
Girl #2: Hi! What are you doing here?
Crazy lady: Maybe you could not yell in the street!
Girl #2: Hey, fuck you!
Crazy lady: Why don’t you suck my dick, you loudmouths?!
Black lady passerby: ‘Suck my dick,’ she said! You hear that? What is wrong with New York?
–Fulton St
Overheard by: Leela
Guy #1: Oh, yeah, I’ve been making money writing porn stories for years.
Guy #2: Really?
Guy #1: Yeah, I write with a female pen name.
Guy #2: That’s kind of weird.
Guy #1: Yeah, my pen name is —
Guy #2: OH! Don’t tell me, man!
Guy #1: Whuh?
Guy #2: I may have jerked off to it.
–Starbucks, 74th & 3rd
Overheard by: Naked Lunch
Girl #1: What happened to you?
Girl #2: Some fucking tourist walked into me and spilled her Hot Pocket on me…where the fuck did a tourist get a Hot Pocket?
–6 train
Woman #1: Guess who I sat next to at dinner last night?
Woman #2: I have no clue. Jimmy Fallon?
Woman #1: No. Denzel Washington!
Woman #2: Omigod!
Woman #1: I know, I love him!
Woman #2: I loved him as God in Bruce Almighty. That was him, wasn’t it?
Woman #1: No, that was Morgan Freeman, you dumb fuck.
–45th Street 7th & 8th
Chick #1: Yeah…I put all kinds of really weird stuff in it.
Chick #2: What, like carrots?
–27th & 3rd
Cute guy to German flight attendant on layover: So, do you have cars in Germany?
–Barracuda
Overheard by: barkeeper
Girl: So, my mom is Jewish and my dad is Christian. Does that make me, like, bi-racial?
–Eugene Lang College
Overheard by: Still ashamed I go to school here
Hispanic high school girl: Is the Fourth of July always on a Friday?
–N Train
Overheard by: D-Law
Guy to friend: Well, that's nice, they have these machines set up for the visually impaired, but what about the deaf people?
–ATM, 38th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: jennyooooo
Student: Is Swedish even a language?
–Columbia University
Trucker: What are you, stupid, or both?
–M86 Crosstown Bus
Black woman: Sixteen dollars? That paper better be made out of Jesus's ass.
–Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Emily B.
40-something to friends: And what's going on with the fucking baby Jesus over there?
–Starbucks
Guy on cell: In my class, we were talking about how Jesus was a Viking warrior.
–Queens College
Woman, about Matt Lauer and Katie Couric: See, this is why Jesus Christ and the Pharisees didn't get along.
–22nd St & Park Ave
Overheard by: Rachel Peters
Woman on phone on the night before Easter: No, I do not want you at my house right now. (pause) I'm going home to watch The Ten Commandments and read my bible–Jesus is coming back tomorrow!
–B44 Bus
Overheard by: Micah
Drunk high school girl: If Jesus had discovered a cure for dry mouth, he'd be a lot more popular!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Smudge
Man with beard to friend: You should stick with her. I mean, she's giving you her kidney!
–77th & Columbus
Teen hipster, commenting on girl's nose: It's not too nosy, but you know it's a nose.
–Starbucks, 71st & Broadway
Overheard by: Maddie
Girl: She just really needs that second body, you know?
–W 16th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Emily B.
Guy yelling to friend: So I said "My rectum? My rectum!?"
–Broadway & John St
Guy on phone: No, bitch, you rub my belly!
–Houston St
Conductor over intercom, after train stops: Folks, I apologize for the delay, the conductor had to make a pit stop…when you get old, your kidneys start to fail.
–Metro North Train
Overheard by: Kristin
