Chick #1: What’s going on with these shopping carts?
Chick #2: It’s the race where people get drunk and dress up in stupid costumes.
Chick #1: Costumes?
Chick #2: Yeah.
Chick #1: Oh! I saw five guys dressed up as apostles down on Bedford earlier today! I thought they were just being ironic.
–Franklin Ave, Brooklyn
Black guy: So, where you at these days?
Black chick: Newark — where all the shootin’ at.
–PATH station, Grove St
Lady suit: Do you think anyone would notice if I just popped a squat and urinated everywhere?
–Port Authority
12-year-old girl: And then… He, like… peed in my mouth. It was kinda gross.
–Eddie’s Sweet Shop
Overheard by: Yorick
Man peeing on the street: Watch the stream, watch the stream!
–W 4th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Maya G.
Black guy to coworker: What about that golden shower I had the other night?
–NYU Weinstein Dining Hall
Middle-aged convention female attendee: I didn’t know that urinals flushed. Did you know urinals flushed? Who would have thought?
–Javits Convention Center
Overheard by: Hector
Drunk man to embarrassed friend: Did I tell you about the time I peed on a bum? For real, I did! I was just taking a leak and looked down like: "Oh shit, is that a person?" He looked up on me and said: "Hey, you just peed on me!" And I did! I peed on him! Then I put myself in his shoes like: "What if someone peed on me?" I’d be pissed! That’s some fucked up shit, man. So I gave him ten bucks.
–A Train
Preteen thug to friend: Yo, nigga! What's crackin'?
Passing suit: Your voice.
Thug's friend: Oh, snap!
–Fulton St. & John St.
Overheard by: Annie B
Jogger girl #1: We should go out tonight to this cool new bar I heard of.
Jogger girl #2: Okay, where is it?
Jogger girl #1: Somewhere in the Fla-teer-on District.
Jogger girl #2: … You mean the Flatiron District?
Jogger girl #1: Oh my god, I’m such an idiot. I’ve been telling all my friends at work about it — why haven’t they corrected me?
–88th & York
Overheard by: Moderately amused
Girl: I’m feeling a little Rubenesque today.
Guy: Ruben Studdard?
Girl: You’re a dipshit.
–72nd & Columbus
Boyfriend: I would do just about anything for a job right now, maybe even take it in the ass.
Friend: Ew! Why would you want to do that? It burns and throbs for like a week after.
(long awkward pause)
Friend: Uh-oh. (blushes, runs away)
Boyfriend, yelling over crowd: Oh, great… You set me back months with my girlfriend.
Girlfriend: You're such an asshole!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: nick
Girl #1: Oh my god! Hi!
Girl #2: Hi! What are you doing here?
Crazy lady: Maybe you could not yell in the street!
Girl #2: Hey, fuck you!
Crazy lady: Why don’t you suck my dick, you loudmouths?!
Black lady passerby: ‘Suck my dick,’ she said! You hear that? What is wrong with New York?
–Fulton St
Overheard by: Leela
Guy #1: Oh, yeah, I’ve been making money writing porn stories for years.
Guy #2: Really?
Guy #1: Yeah, I write with a female pen name.
Guy #2: That’s kind of weird.
Guy #1: Yeah, my pen name is —
Guy #2: OH! Don’t tell me, man!
Guy #1: Whuh?
Guy #2: I may have jerked off to it.
–Starbucks, 74th & 3rd
Overheard by: Naked Lunch
Girl #1: What happened to you?
Girl #2: Some fucking tourist walked into me and spilled her Hot Pocket on me…where the fuck did a tourist get a Hot Pocket?
–6 train
