[Just before the curtain rises on the opera Carmen.]Guy: Do you know the show?
Girl: Uh-uh.
Guy: It’s sooo sad. Like Rent.
Girl: Oooh. Wow.
–The Met
[Just before the curtain rises on the opera Carmen.]Guy: Do you know the show?
Girl: Uh-uh.
Guy: It’s sooo sad. Like Rent.
Girl: Oooh. Wow.
–The Met
Ugly guy: Yeah, we broke up because it just didn’t work out between us. We had too many differences.
Pretty girl: I’m sorry to hear that. How long has it been?
Ugly guy: Years, so I’m over it. Well, we were swingers so it got complicated. Well, – I was a swinger. She wasn’t.
Pretty girl: Ummm… (stares at wall) Great elevator conversation!
–Elevator, Viacom Building, 44th & Broadway
Guy: Wow, I just realized something. Smell that. Manhattan really smells like Froot Loops.
Girl: Really? [She sniffs.]Guy: Yeah. Damn, I gotta lay off the Froot Loops.
Girl: No, Mike, you gotta lay off the pot.
–8th & West 55th
Overheard by: Roger
Guy eating pancakes: Everything's funny in retrospect, like the time I got that screwdriver stuck in my eye.
–IHOP, Brooklyn
Ancient Greek civilization professor: A sexual act, in some sense, for an observer is funny.
–Hunter College
Crazy lady: All the prostitutes need to be rounded up and stuck in churches! (teen girl laughs) You think that's funny? It's not gonna be funny when you are in a hospital addicted to crack!
–Water St & Broad St
Girl to her friend: Wouldn't it be funny if human beings could only walk forward and backwards?
–8th St & 2nd Ave
Lady sitting with girlfriends: It's funny because I'm pregnant, and he doesn't know.
–Starbucks
Drunken Jets fan to friends in Jets jerseys: That's not funny. You want to see something funny? (grabs wooden signpost, slams forehead into it) That's funny!
–W 4th & Barrow
Overheard by: jira monkey
Chick: I think the angel is an appropriate icon for me.
Guy: I think ben-wa balls may have been more appropriate.
–1 train
Overheard by: djlindee
Girl: Oh! Did I tell you? Karen* had an orgasm from anal!
Queer: You guys can can do that too?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Sean, not queer but not straight
Columbia guy: So then Caroline* decided to take all of his valuables and hide them in the back room, to make it look like he’d been robbed. When he came home he, like, *freaked out* and called 911.
Columbia chick: That’s hilarious!
–114th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ein Ladle
Headline by: Mikey G.
Runners-Up:
· “And After He Killed Her, He Pretended to Do CPR!” – JesusFreak
· “And She Didn’t Check the Psycho Box on Match.com” – digruntled internet dater
· “He Didn’t Like His Anal Rape-Themed Surprise Birthday Party Either…” – Beartram
· “I Bet the “Just Kidding Your Place Wasn’t Robbed Sex” Was Awesome, Too.” – anonmouse
· “Turns Out There’s No Spot For “Masculinity” on Insurance Claim Forms” – Jamie
Girl: If we don't get there soon, my uterus is going to fall out.
Boy: If it does, you could frame it and give it to PS1 at the MoMA.
–59th St & 3rd Ave
Girl #1: If Rome was built in a day, I can definitely build a website in one day also…
Girl #2: The saying is “Rome wasn't built in a day.”
Girl #1: Are you sure? That kinda ruins my logic.
–NYU
Chick: Hey, don’t I know you from somewhere?
Dude: Yeah, you tried to pack me in a suitcase once.
Chick: Oh, yeah! And you wouldn’t get in!
Dude: Yeah.
Chick: Yeah…
Chick erupts with nervous laughter.
–Uptown 6 train
Overheard by: kelsey
