Guy : Yeah, Portland’s great…if you’re into heroin!
–East Village
Guy : Yeah, Portland’s great…if you’re into heroin!
–East Village
Guy #1: …and he just kept chewing and chewing. Man, I felt so bad.
Guy #2: Dude, why did you give a Twizzler to a giraffe?
–Astoria
Large drunk black guy to black girl sitting down: Girl, you're so pretty, why are you frowning?
Black girl sitting down: Do me a favor, get up out my face.
(two large Hispanic men get up to protect her)
Large drunk black guy: Okay, I'm done…but I love you.
–2 Train
Overheard by: jj is sober at 10am
Guy: I love porn. I've got XTube bookmarked.
Slightly older guy: You're a gay man in New York: of course you love porn. It's in the rulebook.
–42nd St, near Broadway
Hot straight guy #1: Geez, what size shoes do you wear, dude?
Hot straight guy #2: They’re size fourteen.
Hot straight guy #1: And how tall are you?
Hot straight guy #2: Oh, I’m 6’1″.
Hot straight guy #1: Damn, dude — you must have a huge cock!
Queer: Dude…
Hot straight guy #2: Man, I thought you were gonna say what I always hear — ‘Dude, big feet — you know what that means? Big shoes!’ I hear that all the time.
Hot straight guy #1: I know, right?
Hot straight guy #2: I like to say, ‘Yeah, it means a big cock, right?’ but that always leads to an awkward silence. I applaud you for coming right out with that.
Queer: Um…
Hot straight guy #1: Yeah, I left my shoes at my girlfriend’s the other day, and her mom made a comment on them — ‘Big shoes…’ I mean, her mom!
Hot straight guy #2: That’s crazy.
Queer: Guys, look — unless you’re gonna whip ’em out, can we stop talking about your gigantic cocks, please?
–1166 6th Ave
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Guy #1: You know Jason?
Guy #2: The gay one?
Guy #1: Yeah.
Guy #2: What about him?
Guy #1: I saw him kiss a girl.
Guy #2: Was it like a friend kiss?
Guy #1: No, there was tongue and everything.
Guy #2: So he’s not gay?
Guy #1: I don’t think so.
Guy #2: Fuck! Now I can’t brag that I have a gay friend anymore!
Guy #1: Don’t worry, you can still say he’s bi since we still have no proof that he is not interested in guys.
Guy #2: That’s a good idea. Interesting…you know what, that’s what I’ll do, cause there is just no way in hell that Jason is straight.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Ting
Straight girl: Oooohhh, you know who has the best tits? Isabella Rossellini. Great, great tits.
Gay guy: Oh, you're right! I didn't even think of her.
Straight girl: I don't know how someone her age can have tits that great.
Gay guy: Yeah, if your tits are half that good when you turn her age, you should die a happy woman.
Lesbian: Dear god, why are we talking about Isabella Rossellini's tits on the subway? For that matter, why are we talking about them anywhere?!
–N Train
Jewish guy at bar: Yeah, I'd say that I am pretty religious.
Guy with him: Oh, so do you keep kosher?
Jewish guy at bar: Oh, no, that's sooo expensive.
–Toad Hall, SoHo
Overheard by: Christian Johnson
Guy on cell: Yo baby, you better be keeping that pussy wet for me.
–Fulton & Gold
Overheard by: Prof A
