Artsy girl: I cant believe you took my idea!
Bearded hipster boy: My cat died and so I can use it my way.
Artsy girl: But now everyone thinks it was your idea to skin the cat! And it was mine! Next thing you know, you'll be plucking the feathers out of birds and dipping them in blood!
Bearded hipster boy: Good idea, I think I will.
Artsy girl: Cunt!
–Outside Cooper Union School
Overheard by: jemma lower
Hipster girl #1: Yeah, but it was okay because my anal beads, as usual, did the job.
Hipster girl #2: Really? Because they just haven't been working for me lately.
–Union Square
Loud, garbled announcement about disrupted rush hour service in background.
Uptight lady suit, smiling anxiously: What? What did she say?
Hipster: She said, ‘Grble chzmglpt blgshqt skzdbkt…’ [Continues, accurately mimicking entire garbled announcement.]Uptight lady suit, disturbed: Oh.
–IRT Station, 110th & Broadway
Overheard by: Christopher Stone
Drunk girl: Sometimes, when I look at myself through the microscope of cold, hard objectivity, I think to myself, “God, you are awesome!”
–47th & 9th
Overheard by: Nick Salvato
Hipster girl: So, I was thinking, wouldn’t it be great if you could just eat yourself? You would never gain any weight. Actually, you would lose weight like crazy because it would be the best of both worlds: you wouldn’t be consuming any calories, and your metabolism wouldn’t slow down like it does when you just don’t eat.
Guy: Um, are you serious?
Hipster girl: Yeah, I mean, it would be awesome! Think about it: I mean, how great would it be if I could just start gnawing the fat straight off my leg right now? Like, “Mmm, leg.” You know? And it would be, like, totally calorie-free!
Guy: Um, not really? That’s kind of gross and cannibalistic.
Hipster girl: Whatever. One day I’m gonna publish a book on this shit and have, like, a cult following, and then you’ll be sorry you didn’t think it was a good idea.
–N train
Man (to hipstress): You should get a tattoo of Ben Franklin.
–22nd & Park Ave South
Overheard by: Matt Law
Hip 18-year-old daughter: Mom, stop laughing! I'm like the least funny person I've ever met.
Mom, laughing: No, you're so funny! You always have been! It's like you have an extra chromosome or something. (walks into an apartment and closes door behind her before her daughter and her friend can follow).
Girl's friend: So, you're retarded. You have an extra chromosome. You're fucking retarded.
–87th & East End
Overheard by: Sophie
Hipster with bike: I swear dude, an entire dumpster, full of unopened boxes of Pop-Tarts.
Hipster without bike: Dude.
Hipster with bike: I swear man, I lived on them for the entire summer!
–10th Street between 2nd & 3rd
Overheard by: ann
Hipster #1 listening to Arabic music: Is this Sting?
Hipster #2: They aren’t even speaking English!
–Le Rendez-Vous Cafe
Overheard by: Pete
Hipster: That’s the phone booth where I lost my virginity!
— Bedford Ave, Williamsburg
