Wednesday One-Liners Know How to Dicker

Little gangster kid: Yo, the last time I went fishing I got a fishing lure stuck in my dick.

–Prospect Park, Brooklyn

Hobo: Everybody’s somebody on my dick!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Rebecca

Girl, to male co-worker: Can you be a little more subtle and not such a dick-swinger about your Amstel Light?

–Conde Nast Bldg, 57th & 8th

Overheard by: Kenzi

Woman: At least I don’t suck dicks for free!

–Broadway and Putnam, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Tommi

Drunk college student: My redeeming factor is I will suck fucking dick to make money.

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: dank

Guy on cell: Take it like a bowl of dicks.

–14th & 5th

Overheard by: Johnny Bonsanto

Fat guy: So I asked her, and she gave me her number, and then it was disconnected. So I went back the next week, and she wasn’t working there anymore. So I wondered, did she quit her job just to avoid sucking my dick?

–Bleecker & Sullivan

Overheard by: Caroline

Posted on November 5, 2018
BJs, Coworkers, Gangstas, Guys, Hobos, Penis, Prostitutes, Prostitution, Students, Wednesday One-Liners

It’s Her Ex

Anorexic JAP on cell: …No money, so I stopped dating him.
Hobo: Whore.
Anorexic JAP, to hobo: Excuse me?
Hobo: Nice thighs — have another doughnut.

–East Village

Posted on November 4, 2018
Anorexic, Body Parts, Dating, Food, Hobos, Homeless, JAPs, Jews, Junk Food & Fast Food, Manhattan, Money & Class, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, People, Places, Sex & Relationships, Skinny People, Topics, Union Square and East Village

I’m Sorry, Sir — the FBI Took All Our Good Garbage Yesterday

Woman from first-floor window of brownstone: Hi… Can I help you?
Hobo going through her trash: Uh… Is this house for sale?

–12th & 2nd

Overheard by: lolo

Posted on October 12, 2018
Business and Commerce, Hobos, Home, Sweet Home, Homeless, Park Slope, Questions, The Village, Women

Does My Outfit Look Like I Got Dressed Sober?

Hobo to young woman holding coffee cup: How can you be happy? There's no vodka in that cup!
Young woman: How do you know?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Ashley

Posted on September 15, 2018
Drinking & Drunk People, Happiness, Hobos, Questions, Union Square and East Village, Women

Plenty of Tricks Don’t Require Pants

Hobo: Do you have a dollar?
Suit: Yes.
Hobo: May I have it?
Suit: Shouldn’t you do a trick first?
Hobo: Fucker, I don’t even own pants! You want me to dance for that shit?

–49th Street station

Overheard by: dank

Posted on August 25, 2018
Assholes, Dancing, Hobos, Subway Stations, Suits

The Day Mombolu Changed Professions

Talkative hobo, seeing woman holding papers about Africa: What's up in Africa? You don't look African.
Dignified woman: I used to work in Angola.
Talkative hobo: That's the best kind of job to have, where they pay to send you all over the world. Damn, I bet it costs $2000 to fly to Angola if you were paying for it out of your own pocket.
Dignified woman: Actually, it costs more than that. It's about $4000 to fly to Angola and back from here.
Talkative hobo: Holy shit! $4000 to fly to Angola and back? Do you know how much weed I could buy for $4000? I could sit my ass in the park all day and smoke myself to death! Damn!

–1 Train

Posted on July 12, 2018
Death, Hobos, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, On the Subway, Passengers, Physical appearance, Questions, Strangers, Travel, Weed, Women

Not Everyone Can Be So Lucky As to Be Homeless

Hobo: Hey, man! Don’t ever sit on the curb. It’s bad luck, man. I’ve been on the street for 25 years. 25 years! And I have never sat on the curb. You should never sit on the curb. Take it from me, I’ve been on the streets for 25 years. It’s bad luck.

–7th & A

Overheard by: Devin Sinski

Posted on July 1, 2018
Advice, Hobos, Union Square and East Village

Homeless Simon Says

Where: 14th St. Between 1st and 2nd

Hobo: Everybody stand up. Stand up!

Posted on April 9, 2018
Hobos, Only in New York, Union Square and East Village

I’d prefer if you just held me, like all the other times

Hobo: Let me sit in your lap and belch like a naughty girl!
Young man: Okay, now I’m freaked out.

–23rd & 6th

Overheard by: Zed

Headline by: tab

Runners-Up:
· “But That’s Just The Acid. Have A Seat!” – Lalaith
· “But Not Sufficiently So to Decline Your Generous Offer” – andy
· “Dad, Im Getting to Old for That!!” – not again!
· “Go Home, Britney.” – EKC
· “It Sucks to Be New York Santa” – aileen
· “Please Go Back to Humping My Leg.” – Dennis
· “The Fairy God Hobo Can Make All Your Dreams Come True…” – Uulargh of the Prairie

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on March 20, 2018
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crazies, Creepsters, Headline Contest Winners, Hobos, Kink, Men, Nice People, Offers and requests, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

He’ll Have His Own Travel Show within a Month

Blonde tourist squinting at sign: It says in small letters, ‘African-American burial ground, Historic District.’
Hobo: That’s right. They’s dead niggas all over the mothafucka. Right under the pavement. Paved right over they ass without no mothafuckin’ consideration whatsoever. You probably standing over a dead nigga right now.
Blonde tourist: That’s terrible. How did they find them?
Hobo: The white man was diggin’ here for something — I dunno, prob’ly thought there was some money under the sidewalk, and all they found was a bunch of dead niggas. So they covered ’em up again and put up them signs.
Blonde tourist, handing hobo a dollar: Well, thank you very much.
Hobo: And thank you, ma’am. Any other historical information you need, come back and ask for Willie.

–Center St & Pearl St

Overheard by: Big Larry

Posted on March 17, 2018
History & Geography, Hobos, Tourists, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Hobos