Drunk Long Islander: Happy Fourth of July, New York City!
Old lady: It’s tomorrow, retard. Go back to Jersey.
–87th & 5th
Overheard by: Hunter North
Drunk Long Islander: Happy Fourth of July, New York City!
Old lady: It’s tomorrow, retard. Go back to Jersey.
–87th & 5th
Overheard by: Hunter North
Suit #1: You know why this three day weekend is so great?
Suit #2: Because it’s three days?
Suit #1: No, because the kids will be in school.
Suit #2: They don’t give them Columbus Day?
Suit #1: Nope. I guess because they get off for the Jewlidays.
Suit #2: Must be a Jersey thing.
–Madison between 55th & 56th
Woman: Where are you going on your vacation?
Man with suitcase: I'm gonna go down south, drink a few piña coladas, and smoke a lot of pot!
–Metro-North
Overheard by: sounds relaxing
Woman: I know why you’re doing this [handing out flyers.]
Jew for Jesus: Oh, why?
Woman: Because you’re jealous that we have Christmas and you all want to be able to put up a tree and lights and decorate!
–Bensonhurst
Overheard by: Deborah Olin
Girl: Independence Day? I don’t believe people are celebrating it this year, what with the war and everything!
Guy: Yeah…
Girl: I mean people want to celebrate like everything is fine, while we have the worst President ever in office fucking everything up!
Guy: I wouldn’t say that…
Girl: What? How can you say that? Name another President who has done more to fuck up this country?
Guy: Well, we will always have Jefferson Davis.
–Park Slope
Female conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are stopped here due to congestion ahead. We should be moving shortly. [2-3 minutes later.] Ladies and gentlemen, due to a malfunctioning signal, everyone will need to get off the train, take the 4 back up to 149 St Grand Concourse and take the 2 train downtown.
Train riders: [Groan.]Conductor: April fools! Stand clear of the closing doors.
–4 Train
Overheard by: Mike T
Female law student #1: So we get Hannukah off then?
Female law student #2: Well, duh! Fordham’s a Jesuit school.
–Fordham Law School
Overheard by: Jamie L
Black Santa takes off his beard, puts a cigarette in his mouth and starts to adjust his crotch.
Little girl in stroller: Daddy, why is Santa smoking?
Daddy: Well, obviously it’s a fake Santa…
Other passersby, scolding: Santa!
Black Santa: What? Santa’s gotta friggin’ fix himself sometimes, don’t he?
–Rockefeller Christmas tree
Overheard by: Megan Cowles
Secretary: What are you doing for Thanksgiving?
Nurse: My husband and I are going to North Carolina to visit his family. Why? What are you doing? Do you want to come with us?
Secretary: No. I can't. I don't have a passport.
Nurse: Uh.
–NYU Cancer Center
Overheard by: Destiny Traphofner
Woman #1, pushing stroller: Where are all the Halloween decorations?
Woman #2: Halloween? It's like… October 5th. Isn't it a little early for Halloween?
–Christmas Decorations Aisle, Michael's Crafts, Columbus Ave
Overheard by: Fiammetta
