Grandma: Now, your daddy didn’t come out of my vagina. He was sideways, so he couldn’t come out of my vagina. His body couldn’t fit out of my vagina.
4 year old: Oh.
–Bodies exhibit, South Street Seaport
Grandma: Now, your daddy didn’t come out of my vagina. He was sideways, so he couldn’t come out of my vagina. His body couldn’t fit out of my vagina.
4 year old: Oh.
–Bodies exhibit, South Street Seaport
Mother: Don’t you ever do that again! [slaps child hard]Child, calmly: Well, are you happy with yourself?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Miranda
Little girl: Ew, Daddy, it smells like Jersey over here.
Dad: I know, sweetie.
–30th St
Overheard by: Kate
Thug: …’cause most doctors will tell you, most doctors will actually tell you that a little marijuana is good for the baby.
Pregnant girlfriend: Really?
–14th St
Overheard by: Rationalization Whiplash
Mother, to little girl: Hold on to the pole, honey, but keep your tongue away from it. It’s filthy!
–Downtown 2/3 train
Overheard by: Chad
Father, to five-year-old son: No, Jake, don’t eat the watch…Time flies, but it doesn’t taste good.
–Metro-North train
Overheard by: derkach
Mother, to little girl in line for security X-ray machine: Take your muffin outta the box. If it goes through the machine, it’ll give you radiation.
–LaGuardia Airport
Overheard by: Reluctant Traveler
Father, to crying son: Yeah yeah, life’s a disappointment.
–78th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: someone who agrees
Tourist mom, to kids: Walk or die! Walk or die! Walk or die!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Scott
Old white lady, to little Hispanic girl: You’re always tan…Everyone wants to be tan.
–Queens bound E train
Overheard by: Julz
Little kid: But what if we don’t have enough money?
Mother: And that’s the reason why you need to keep your four-year-old concerns to your damn self.
–Dekalb & South Portland, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Zoe
Little girl #1: …and their eyes became red and they started laughing at random things!
Little girl #2: Hahaha. Let’s get out of here!
Both girls run away, laughing, down the street.
–Henry & Orange, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: CapitalJ
Woman: I thought you liked the smell of poop?
Little girl: Only fresh poop!
–118th & Malcolm X
Overheard by: sk
Chick: Then he peer-pressured me into being morbidly obese!
–1 train
Girl on cell: Nothing’s bigger than Oprah, not even my mother’s ass!
–Ocean Pkwy and Neptune Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld
Dude with flyers: New York Sports Club! Only 37 dollars! Get yo’ fat ass to the gym!
–Court & Joralemon, Brooklyn
Overheard by: elwood
Little boy: Mommy, I’m sick of all the fat girls in Coney Island.
–Queens Center Mall
Walking VD: It’s not cheating if she’s fat.
–Outside Jugo Juice, Times Square
Teen girl on cell: Ugh, great. Now she’s just going to make fun of me because I’m short and fat! Oh my God!
–Q46 bus
Overheard by: Melissa
A crazy lady is walking down the street screaming to herself.
Little girl: Mommy, why is that lady yelling?
Mom: I don’t know, sweetheart.
Little girl: I think she needs a nap.
–19th & 5th
Overheard by: mic
