Spare the Rod and Spoil the Wednesday One-Liners

Little boy, waiting in line to see “Bodies” exhibit: Are there gonna be rides?

–South Street Seaport

Little girl, playing with her inattentive mother’s cell: Nine… One…

–Atlantic Center, Brooklyn

Overheard by: wee e

Little girl, humming to herself: Cat cat dog, I am a tree! Eeeee! Minute Maid Coke, I am a poodle! Eeeee!

–Brooklyn bound Q train

Little boy: Eddie, I like that torture a lot!

–Dizzy’s, 9th St & 8th Ave, Park Slope

Little girl: Mom, I am highly disappointed in the construction.

–71st Rd, Forest Hills

3-year-old girl: Daddy, does this helmet make me look crazy?

–13th & University

Little boy: Simon says reach into everybody’s pants!

–Waiting room, Mt. Sinai Hospital

Overheard by: Jobee

Posted on August 2, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Hospitals, Kids, Lower Manhattan, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Queens, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Upper East Side, Violence, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

The Karma Police and the Poetic Justice Department Are Really Gonna Have It Out Over This Case

Mom: Honey, don’t go that far! You’re making me nervous!
Boy: Mom, I never get kidnapped! [Keeps walking away] God!

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Cappy

Posted on August 1, 2006
Crime and Punishment, Kids, Lower Manhattan, Moms, Parks

Yuppie Child Enters Lifelong Apprenticeship

Little girl, reading children’s book aloud: Mariko is Japanese. She eats sushi.
Mom: But we know that [pointing to picture] is actually sashimi.

–M86 bus

Overheard by: Caitlin

Posted on July 30, 2006
Books & Writing, Ethnic Food, Kids, Moms, On the Bus

Mom Gets Her Inner Ho-Bag Out of the Garage

Man: It was nice to meet you. Now will you shake my hand?
Little boy: No.
Man: Why not?
Little boy: Because she gave you her number, but she already has a boyfriend! I don’t like that.
Woman: Shut up. That’s not true.
Little boy: If it isn’t, then why did it say “Jason and Trish, together forever” on your phone, when I turned it on right now?
Woman: Together forever, my ass; now shut up!

–Q37 bus, Liberty Ave

Posted on July 30, 2006
Cell Phone, Hootchies, Infidelity, Kids, Lies, Men, MILF, Moms, On the Bus, Parents, Pick-up Lines, Talking/Convos

I Started Having Bad Dreams About Daddy and Grandma When I Was 4

Grandma: Now, your daddy didn’t come out of my vagina. He was sideways, so he couldn’t come out of my vagina. His body couldn’t fit out of my vagina.
4 year old: Oh.

–Bodies exhibit, South Street Seaport

Posted on July 30, 2006
Family Ties, Kids, Old People, Parents, Vagina, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

The Buddha Was a Tough Kid to Raise

Mother: Don’t you ever do that again! [slaps child hard]Child, calmly: Well, are you happy with yourself?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Miranda

Posted on July 30, 2006
Kids, Moms, Union Square and East Village

We’re Trying to Get You to Develop an Immunity

Little girl: Ew, Daddy, it smells like Jersey over here.
Dad: I know, sweetie.

–30th St

Overheard by: Kate

Posted on July 29, 2006
Dads, Etiquette, Ew, Jersey, Glad the Condom Broke, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Parents

Coming Up Next on This Is Your Life, Pauly Shore’s Parents Discuss His Birth

Thug: …’cause most doctors will tell you, most doctors will actually tell you that a little marijuana is good for the baby.
Pregnant girlfriend: Really?

–14th St

Overheard by: Rationalization Whiplash