Wednesday One-Liners Just Need to Walk It Off

Large bald man on Bluetooth: He got a fuckin' boo boo, that's all!

–Gramercy

Suit on cell: So, I haven't been electrocuted…yet.

–L Train

Elderly woman: I regret that she broke her arm. I do not regret pushing her down the stairs.

–E Train

Overheard by: Pat

Little boy: I hope the boo-boo goes away soon! My staple won't hold that long!

–23rd & Park Ave

Overheard by: Say what?

Guy on train to friend: Hey, would you still date a girl if she was in an industrial accident and had to wear a Darth Vader suit forever?

–6 Train

Posted on June 29, 2015
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Clothing, Crime and Punishment, Dating, Fat People, Friends, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Kids, Men, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Suits, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

And That’s the Good News

Little girl: Mom, do penguins die?
Mom: Everyone dies.

–Central Park Zoo

Overheard by: alm

Posted on June 29, 2015
Central Park, Death, Kids, Moms

You’ll Like Rich; You Won’t Like Lazy

UES girl, after passing dog walker: Mommy, that man has a lot of dogs!
UES mom: Yes, he does, because he walks them for other people.
UES girl: Why?
UES mom: Because people who live here are too lazy and rich to do it themselves, honey.
UES girl: Oh… Mommy, can I be lazy and rich someday?
UES mom: Of course, honey.

–E 70th & Park

Posted on June 29, 2015
Jobs & Careers, Kids, Man's Best Friend, Moms, Money & Class, Upper East Side

Everyone from New York to Illinois

Little boy looking on ground while holding toy: Have you seen the golden screw?
Nanny: Oh honey, we’re all looking for that.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Let me know when you find it

Posted on June 28, 2015
Boys, Central Park, Default, Kids, Questions, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

Most Children Are

Intellectual: I can’t believe some adults enjoy reading those Harry Potter books; they’re just awful.
Book vendor: Maybe some of them are still children.
Intellectual: I think some of them are psychopaths.

–W. 4th & Greene

Overheard by: Brian Lang

Posted on June 27, 2015
Age/Aging, Books & Writing, Clerks, Intelligentsia, Kids, Pop Culture, West Village

Maybe Somebody Nice Will Kidnap You

Three-year-old girl, singing loudly: It's hot and it's cold, it's yes and it's no, we fight we break up, and kiss and make up.
Mom, sounding desperate: Please…please just go stand over there.

–Bathroom, Intrepid Museum

Posted on June 27, 2015
Kids, Moms, More museums, Parents, Should've Used a Condom, Singing

Republicans Are Born, Not Made

Volunteer for UHO: I'm here collecting money for United Homeless Organization. I was once homeless and begging on the subway, but thanks to your generous donations…
Two-year-old boy, screaming: Stop it!

–6 train

Overheard by: Katie

Posted on June 26, 2015
Homeless, Kids, Money & Class, On the Subway, Only in New York, Panhandling, Should've Used a Condom, Vendors & Street Performers, Weirdness

…But You Know She Bugged Me, Right?

Dad: I won't tell mommy about the donut you're eating if you don't tell mommy about the cigarette I'm about to smoke.
Daughter: Okay.

–Coffee Shop, Park Slope

Posted on June 26, 2015
Dads, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, Parents, Park Slope, Restaurants & Cafes, Smoking

Wednesday One-Liners Love the Skin They're In

Skinny pale male hippie with hair in top knot, to friend, calmly: I'm going to lose my brain. A piece of my brain.

–E.11th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Liz

Man on cell: Yeah, he crossed the line. Then, when he started talking about my wife's anatomy I was just disgusted.

–31st Parking Garage

Thug, about his baby son: So, I'm lookin' at this kid. I be lookin' at him real hard. He got everything I got! Square head, the shoulders, the flat feet, everything! Straight down to the penis!

–Staten Island Ferry

Out of towner to friend: I just want to let you know your armpit is making my wrist very warm right now.

–3 Train

Overheard by: there are worse places you could put that, I guess…

Man to friends: He empties his mind into your face.

–5th Ave & 11th St

Posted on June 25, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Family Ties, Foreigners, Friends, Hippies, Kids, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Staten Island Ferry, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

My Partially Retarded Father

Boy: Hey Dad, you wanna hear what I learned today? “My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas”, and every word tells you the name of a planet! Wanna try it? OK, I’ll say the word, and you tell me which planet it means. Ready? My…
Father: Mars.
Boy: Right. Very…
Father: Venus.
Boy: Uh huh. Educated…
Father: Uh…Earth?
Boy: Yep. Mother…
Father: The Moon.
Boy: Yep.

–7 train

Overheard by: Mikey

Boy on cell: We took the bus to 9th Avenue and I saw a guy lying there with only one shoe on. My dad said that’s what happens when you don’t go to school.

–42nd & 9th

Overheard by: Dr. Ballon

Posted on June 24, 2015
Dads, Education, Hobos, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, Parents, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

Kids