8-year-old boy to friend: You can't stop me, I'm the Indian man! You can't stop me, I'm the gingerbread man! You can't stop me, I'm the Jewish man!
Friend: You can't stop me, I'm the Indian man!
8-year-old boy: All the single ladies! All the single ladies! If you like it, then you shoulda put a ring on it!
Friend: You can't stop me, I'm the Indian man!
8-year-old boy: Stop with the Indian thing!
–McDonald's
Overheard by: Brittany
Child with doll in tow: Mommy, I really want Mia.
Park avenue mom #1: Well, maybe. Wouldn’t it be cool if they just sold the heads?
Park Avenue mom #2, poking head out of stall: What?
Park Avenue mom #1: Like, if they just sold Julie’s head, or Addy’s head?
–American Girl Store Bathroom
Overheard by: Layla
Little girl #1, looking at Neanderthal diorama: I just saw her pupils move!
Little girl #2: I just saw her hair move!
Little girl #3: I just saw her blink!
Little girl #1: I just saw his penis move!
Little girl #2: I just saw her boob move!
Little girl #1: I think those are real people!
Little girl #2: Me, too!
Little girl #3: Me, three!
–Museum Of Natural History
Overheard by: Jennifer
Hipster chick: When my friend was pregnant she bought a book called Orgasmic Birth.
Hipster guy: So, wait — she used her baby like a dildo?
–The Sunburnt Cow, Ave C & 9th St
Overheard by: Soula
Little boy singing to mother: E is for druggies!
–R Train
Overheard by: Allegra
Crazy hobo: Take the V train! V is for vasectomy. Why take the crowded E train where all the lesbians will crush you?
–V Train Platform
Overheard by: Tom
Conductor: This is 14th Street. Transfer here for the L as in "lower level of hell".
–F Train
Overheard by: So True
Little boy playing with chopsticks: Look mom! (forms a V) V for Victoria! (forms an X) X for xylophone! (forms a T) and T for terrorist!
–Japanese Restaurant, 3rd & 25th
Conductor over loudspeaker: I know it’s Saturday afternoon and all you people are mad confused because the trains are all messed up on weekends, so listen up: The W as in "Will you marry me?" will be running on the Q as in "cookie" line. And the R as in (goes in operatic singing voice) "rooooooooooomeooooooooooo" will be running normally for the rest of the weekend. Alright y’all… There you go. Enjoy your Saturday!
–Canal Street Subway Station
Overheard by: stfo
Babysitter: Ok guys, hold my hand.
Six-year-old boy: Holding hands is unnatural.
Babysitter: What? Where did you hear that?
Six-year-old boy: George Bush!
Man walking ahead: Wow, he really does get blamed for everything now.
–1 train, 225th St
Overheard by: bkh
Girl #1: …it was so disgusting.
Girl #2: Oh my god, I can’t believe you got sexually-harrassed by a three year old.
–Park Slope
Mother: I don’t want you playing with that! It’s too big for you!
Son: I’m gonna spank it if I want to!
–Goodwill, 23rd St
Overheard by: Lady
Girl #1: Where should we go, posh?
Girl #2: Posh? When did we go to posh again?
Girl #1: That was the night we left those Irish kids on the park bench.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Daniel
Middle-school boy: Yeah, you’re a pathological liar.
Middle-school girl: What do you mean? When have I lied to you? I never lie. I only lie to my therapist.
–1 train
Overheard by: cate
