A Lovin’ Spoonful of Wednesday One-Liners

Little boy: I love Manhattan! I love Tic-Tacs!

–Brooklyn Heights

Wife to husband: No wonder your eyebrows are making love!

–47th & 5th

Overheard by: anon

Biotech to texting friend: Now we’ll see how much he cares about you. I love testing people!

–23rd Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: sara n.

Gleeful hobo rubbing stubble beard: I love my beard! Mmmm, I love you.

–93rd & Broadway

Overheard by: punkee

Queer on cell: I don’t want love handles on love day!

–Lafayette & Astor

Woman on cell: Happy Valentine’s Day… Do you still love me, or do you hate me now?

–Hudson St

Overheard by: lilli

Posted on June 13, 2015
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Astoria, Biotechs, Boys, Brooklyn, Couples, Default, Food, Friends, Hair, Hobos, Holidays, Kids, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Queers, Questions, Relationships, Street, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

20 Years and Three Surgeries Later, Mom Finally Stopped Laughing

Mom: Oh my god! Why are these things so expensive?
Lil’ boy holding fake jewelry: Hey mommy! You know what I want to be? I want to be a girl.
Mom laughing nervously: Can you believe some of the things these kids say?

–Virgin Beauty Supply

Overheard by: Crystal

Posted on June 12, 2015
Boys, Gays and Lesbians, Kids, Laughter, Moms, Money & Class, Questions, Shopping, Store, Wishes & desires

Trouble Brewing

Dad in suit: Your grandfather said that you and your sister are just delicious.
Adorable moppet girl: Oh, Daddy, that’s silly. I’m not delicious!
Dad in suit: What are you, then?
Adorable moppet girl: I’m cute.

–M101 bus

Overheard by: bemused

Posted on June 12, 2015
Beauty, Dads, Kids, On the Bus, Words

Exactly How the Native Americans Felt

Nine-year-old to friend: Yo, how many white people we got here?
Friend: One, two, too many.

–Fort Greene Park

Posted on June 11, 2015
Black People, Boys, Brooklyn, Default, Kids, NYC Geography, Parks, Questions, Race

I Was So Busy I Almost Forgot to Take My Ritalin

Dad to post-tantrum kid: So, did you get a lot of crying done today?
Little boy: Yeah…

–Westside Market, 76th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ri & Yuu

Posted on June 11, 2015
Anger Management, Dads, Kids

Sean Preston Says What We’re All Thinking

Mom: You’re just making me frustrated right now.
Whining toddler: And you’re making me stupid!

–16th St, between 6th & 7th Ave

Posted on June 10, 2015
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Gripes, Kids, Moms

Wednesday One-Liners Lead with Their Nipples

12-year-old girl to friend: So, he asked me for a piggyback ride and grabbed onto my boobs! Isn’t that what you call sexism? When you’re a perv? Sexist?

–6th & Houston

Overheard by: Ha, ha, Mal.

Man on cell: You’re an eight, but you’d be a ten if your boobs were bigger…

–19th & 7th

Girl: Where’s my phone? … Oh, there’s my boob.

–Prospect Heights, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Mariah

Woman on cell: I have to throw my breasts around and tell every guy I want to have sex with them at work.

–68th & 2nd

Chick on cell: I haven’t yet met him, you know, but he has a Christmas card featuring my boobies on his fridge.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on June 10, 2015
Brooklyn, Cell Phone, Compliments, Default, Girls, Harassment, Holidays, Kids, Men, On Cell, Questions, Rack, Soho, Trains Not Subway, Upper East Side, West Village, Women, Words

And You Saw What That Did to the Girl on Felicity!

Girl running from her mother: You can’t catch me!
Mom running after her: Aw helllllll no! You keep runnin’ and I’m gonna cut your hair off when we get home!

–Halsey and Wycoff, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Mary Beth

Posted on June 10, 2015
Brooklyn, Default, Girls, Hair, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Threats

Wednesday One-Liners Go Looking for a Vein

Girl #1 to girl #2: Wouldn't you just rather have a night where we just get really high and scissor?

–Grand & Union, Brooklyn

Guy on cell: So they're smoking crack and fucking on his mother's bed!

–17th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Dave

Little kid: Look, I'm on crack!

–Apple Store, Staten Island Mall

Overheard by: Robert

Junkie to junkie companion, standing in front of Band-Aids: I need to test positive for methadone and negative for everything else…

–Walgreens, Union Square

Hobo on train: Does anyone have any money for me? Any food? Any opium? Lots and lots of opium?

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: left my opium stash at home

20-something blond girl on cell: You just have to convince them that you care more about college than you do about drugs, and they'll give you another chance…that's what I did!

–Chinatown Bus

Overheard by: GavinJoyce

Tourist: So I called her up and said, "Come down or you're going to miss breakfast, and I want to have breakfast with you." And all she said was, "I really like opium." and I was like, "Oh, okay."

–33rd & 7th

Overheard by: EthanK

Posted on June 10, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Chinatown, Compare/Contrast, Druggies, Drugs, Education, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Hard Drugs, Hobos, Kids, Malls, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Sexuality, Staten Island, Store, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Maury Povich Says You’re the Wednesday One-Liner

Guy on phone: His dad’s, like, crazy, and he lives in a house all by himself, and the saddest thing is… the saddest thing is this guy’s dad is even uglier than our dad!

–Waverly Place b/w Mercer & Greene

Woman: Don’t even think about humping your father’s feet!

–President & Columbia

[Before the start of the NYC pillow fight.]Pillow-fighter: I’m gonna beat you all down like you were my daddy! [Hits people with his pillow.] Why weren’t you there, dad, why!?

–Union Square

Guy on cell: Hey dude, my flight has been delayed like an hour, yeah it does suck… [Pause.] Dude, from this point on I’m calling you "daddy". No: "big daddy". Yeah, hey big daddy…

–US Airways Terminal, Laguardia Airport

Little girl pointing at a grizzly bear: Daddy! Daddy!

–Museum of Natural History

Posted on June 9, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Crazy, Girls, Guys, Kids, LaGuardia Airport, Museum of Natural History, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, Parents, Physical appearance, The Village, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Violence, Weirdness, Women

Kids