Conversation on the Six-of-the-Best Train

Disproportionately hot nerd girl: You know, I was scarred by a guy once. It was on a fur rug. With a knife.
Attractive nerd guy: Wow. Real fur?
Disproportionately hot nerd girl: Real knife too. Very ‘Kushiel’s Dart’ sort of moment.
Attractive nerd guy: He must have thought you were pretty special, I mean, what do you have to do to get blood out of fur? I’m guessing it’s dryclean only.
Disproportionately hot nerd girl: Anyway that was my first, and only, foray into S&M. After that I stuck to D&D.

— 6 Train

Overheard by: Scott Gresham

Posted on October 20, 2006
Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Kink, On the Subway, Violence

Baby, You Can Drive My Wednesday One-Liners

Guy on cell: I don’t know, now she won’t sleep in the bedroom ’cause of the mobster, and she needs a ride to the Hamptons.

–7th & Ave A

Overheard by: Analt

Guy: He’ll be here in another twenty minutes. He’s sleeping in the back of a car.

–74th & 2nd

Overheard by: Wendy

Teenage girl: I know it’s so wrong, but I’m seriously lusting for luxury cars. I just want to lick them. I want to hump those leather seats!

–WTC Path station

Overheard by: Carine

Suburban boy: Oh my God, driving in the city is most fun thing in the entire world!

–Downtown R train

Overheard by: confused

Man: I had a bad night tonight. I stole a car, got two tickets. I shouldn’t-a stole that car.

–Bodega, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Flasteppi

Drunk guy on cell: If you don’t have my money by 12 tomorrow, I’m gonna get your mother’s car and your sister’s car…I still love your sister, too, but you better have my money.

–Union Turnpike-Kew Gardens E/F station

Young woman: Where did all these cars come from? New York doesn’t have cars.

–35th & 5th

Overheard by: Frank & Alex

Posted on September 20, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Family Ties, Fire, Kink, NYC Geography, One-liners, Only in New York, Stupidity, Threats, Time, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Kinda Leaves a Bad Taste in Your Mouth, Though

Man: You finally made it.
Woman: Yeah… by the time I wake up, get ready, drive to the train station, take the train, then take the subway to get here all for a ten-minute interview… it’s, like, a total rim job.
Man: Ummm… at least you made it.

–50th & 7th

Posted on September 15, 2006
Backdoor, Cars and Driving, Jobs & Careers, Kink, Manhattan, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, People, Places, Sex, Women

Still Better Than the Peritonitis Story He’s Not Telling

Barista: What happened to your fist?
Queer: An AC bit it.
Barista: Really?
Queer: Yeah.
Barista: Nice story.
Queer: Well, it’s better than my story before.
Barista: Which was?
Queer: I told people it was a fisting accident: he sneezed! People didn’t respond too well.

–St. Marks

Overheard by: fran

Posted on September 15, 2006
Backdoor, Baristas, Kink, Queer guys, West Village

Still, Nothing Says Romance Like the Snap of a Latex Glove

Conservatively-Dressed guy: So my fingers are covered with little box-cutter cuts, which means I can’t go shoving them into the places that I used to. Now I might catch something.

–Brooklyn bound L train

Posted on August 26, 2006
Body Parts, Kink, On the Subway, Sex, Yuppies

Where New Perversions Come From

Guy #1: Dude, that chick is so hot.
Guy #2: Yeah, I would so pee in her butt.
Guy #1: Oh yeah, I’d pee in her butt, too.
Random dude, passing by: What the fuck?

–Times Square

Overheard by: MindControlFun

Posted on August 24, 2006
Asshole, Backdoor, Body Parts, Guys, Kink, Pee, Street, Times Square

I Charge $200 For That!

Girl: Oh, I have to buy new whitening strips.
Boy: How come?
Girl: Well, with that storm last night, the wind must’ve blown everything on top of the toilet into the toilet. And I had to pee in the middle of the night, and it was dark. I thought it was a head in the toilet. But I turned on the light, and it was just my whitening strips.
Boy: Why would you turn the light on if you thought there was a head in the toilet?
Girl: I needed to know if it was a head. I wasn’t just gonna pee on someone’s face.

–A train

Posted on August 18, 2006
Health and Hygiene, Kink, Pee, Weather

She’s Still Upset About the Dirty Sanchez

Girlfriend, to boyfriend walking out of the bathroom: Did you wash your hands? [Takes his hand] Ew! No, you didn’t!
Boyfriend: You put it in your mouth. I think I’ll be all right to touch it every once in awhile.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Clay Parrish

Posted on July 23, 2006
BJs, Etiquette, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Kink, Sex, Train Station

Wednesday One-Liners Make Mary Kate Heave

Girl on cell: So I woke up with a slice of pizza on my stomach again last night.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Frank B

Man: You know my theory: ground beef makes anything taste better.

–6 train

Overheard by: Sol

Old woman: Give me a donut. But not a very sweet one. I’m diabetic.

–Clarkson Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: astronugget

Fat woman on cell: “Butter Lovers” or “X-treme Butter” with an X?

–Duane Reade, 34th & 8th

Overheard by: Rita

Teenage boy: I had frosted Cheerios for breakfast. That’s some heavy shit.

–86th & 2nd

Overheard by: Madison Parks

Woman, yelling into her cell in a thick Puerto Rican/New York accent: I had to call you. Guess what I’m thinking about right now? Guess! You know the little peanut man on the jar of peanuts? Him! The little peanut man.

–crosstown bus, 72nd & Lex

Queer: Here’s what I want you to do. First, I want you to spread chocolate on my chest. Then, I want you to spread some nougat, then some caramel and roasted peanuts. Then I want you to fuck me and call me Snickers.

–Fire Island