Man #1: Are you calling me fat?
Man #2: No.
Man #1: Yo, Joseph. I want a chicken pot pie, too.
–KFC, Delancey St.
Man #1: Are you calling me fat?
Man #2: No.
Man #1: Yo, Joseph. I want a chicken pot pie, too.
–KFC, Delancey St.
Man holding pool cue: Rack ’em, fattie!
–SoHo
Man: If I punch Spongebob in the face, it would be because he is living at a higher moral standard than me, as a role model to children.
–Toys ‘R Us, Times Square
Businesschick: Are you still with that girl?
Businessguy: No. She kept trying to get me to go to AA. One night out with me and you’ll see..!
Businesschick: Oh, I’ve seen the aftermath. The stitches, the blood.
–Midtown Office
Don Juan: Sure I got a seven inch dick, but the thing no one ever talks about is I got a seven inch ball sack, too.
–Avenue A
Garbageman: They all wanna fucking be like us.
–LES
Overheard by: Justin Sheckler
Guy: Yeah, man, that’s true. But you have to keep in mind that while you’re emotionally emasculated, he’s physically emasculated, and there’s a helluva difference.
–Knitting Factory
Overheard by: Patrick Taylor
Panhandler: Spare some change? Help a brother out.
Panhandlee: Yeah. Go ask your brother.
–Union Square station
Man: 40 is the new 30; my teacher said that. She said 12 is the new 11. But she used to say 11 was the new 10.
–St. Mark’s Place
Old Coot: When you take over someone’s empire, you get more of them coming in. I turned on the ball game, and the stadium was all Spanish! This guy came to talk to me from the Daily News, and it turned out to be El Diario!
–Carmine St.
