Old lady #1: So, they put you on a slab and the coroner washes your body, like if you were all dirty if you died in an accident.
Old lady #2: They take your clothes off?
Old lady #1: Of course!
Old lady #2: I don’t think I want a strange man looking and washing my cooch!
–Bay Ridge
Barista: Would you like to try a cappuccino muffin?
Customer: No, thanks. I don’t want to start my appetite yet.
–Starbucks, 45th & Broadway
Overheard by: Cat
Headline by: Mandaliet
Runners-Up:
· “And i don’t want to have to shove this down your fucking throat, but i will if… Whoa… Too much soft jazz, if you know what i mean… Sorry.” – Mike Chmiel
· “Its Bad Enough My Lungs Keep Breathing” – Chuckie
· “Stomach: Let’s Get Ready To Rummmmmmmble!” – Paul K.
· “The first step is admitting you have an appetite.” – greg
Father: Do you want some juice now? Want juice?
Two-year-old boy: Be patient.
–G train
Girl to friend: So last night I hit myself in the eye with my broom while baking lasagna, drunk.
–Blarney Stone Pub
Suit on cell: Oh man, you should definitely ice and elevate that shit.
–AMC Lowes, 68th & Broadway
Overheard by: Jessica Segal
Man in wheelchair to woman pushing him: Remember when I hit that stroller head on and the kid passed out?
–33rd b/w 7th & 8th
Conductor on speaker: Please bring the first aid kit to car three, please bring the first aid kit to car three, a passenger has a bite.
–Train Leaving Penn Station
Teen to friend: And that’s how I got my penis stuck in a pencil sharpener.
–Stuyvesant High School
Guy: Can I get a vodka on the rocks?
Bartender: Would you like ice in that?
–The Russian Vodka Room, Times Square
Hobo: Can anybody help me? Can anybody help me get some food? Can anybody help me get something to eat? I appreciate it.
20-something girl, handing him a ziplocked sandwich: It's peanut butter and jelly.
(hobo hands it back, reconsiders, opens bag, sniffs it, and reluctantly eats it)
Hobo eating sandwich: Cam amymumy hem me. Cam amymumy hem me geh some food that's not a peanut butter sammich. I appreciate it.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Albertro
Girl in heels to friends, trailing behind teacher: Look at him trying to shake us! Ain't never gonna happen. (calls ahead loudly) Mr. Daniels! Can we go to Sephora?
Teacher: (looks over shoulder, goes from fast walk to jog)
–Times Square
Overheard by: Scarface
Bottle blonde: Eww, listen to this: he asked me to have a threesome for his birthday.
Natural blonde: So are you going to do it?
Bottle blonde: Ewwwie! No.
Natural blonde: Yeah…that wouldn't be too fabulous.
–Washington Square Park
Woman: Oh! That’s one of the books I want you to get for me.
Man: I’m not sure if they have it at the library.
–Barnes & Noble, West Village
Overheard by: Caren Lissner
Teenage guy: Dude, I just coughed up a little speck of blood. Do you think I could have another cigarette or is that a bad idea?
–68th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Cully
