Woman: Here’s something really funny. I was getting on the train, the 6, and the 2 friends I was supposed to meet were sitting there! Out of all the cars in the train. That was weird.
Man: I don’t believe in that, in coincidences.
Woman: You don’t?
Man: No, I believe that what happens is what was meant to happen.
Woman: Well, I hope “what is meant to happen” isn’t wasting its time
with me getting on the train.
–N train
Girl #1: She’s, like, a total socialist. She’s all like, “Capitalism is bad. America is bad.” And she’s always plotting about how we can get their money. You can’t take other people’s money. What’s wrong with you?
Girl #2: Yeah.
Girl #1: But as extremists go, she’s pretty cool.
Girl #2: Totally.
–L train
Overheard by: Samuel Bennett
Fat lady #1: Excuse me, could you move over?
Thin woman: Well, I can’t move over anymore.
Fat lady #1: Excuse me, could you move over?
Fat lady #2: There is no way you’re going to fit in that space.
Fat lady #1: If you moved over I could. I’m not fat like you.
Fat lady #2: Not only are you fat, but you’re crazy. You think I’m fat? Get away before I eat you.
–E train
Bus driver: The stop after this will be the next one. We should be arriving in a week to ten days.
–M42 bus
Overheard by: Dan Alcalde
Transit cop: I guess I’ll pretend to do something here.
–Queens Plaza station
Conductor: Passengers, please do not use your valuables, or your child, to stop the train doors from closing!
–1 train
Black guy: I got me a ghetto Gold Card, son. It’ll get you on the train, it’ll get you on the bus.
–A train
Overheard by: Timothy C
Loudspeaker: Would anyone that speaks Chinese please report to the Amtrak Information booth in the center of the Terminal? Anyone that speaks Chinese.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: P. Mills
Chick: The cabdriver wouldn’t let us leave the cab unless I showed him
my tits. That is so my away message tomorrow!
–LIRR train
Overheard by: Steve Carbo
Pilot: Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize for the delay in landing the aircraft, but the air traffic controller here at LaGuardia is an angry, bitter man.
–over LaGuardia
Overheard by: Dana Clair
Asian guy: She’s crazy. She’s obsessed with death!
Pudgy White guy: But she’s hot.
Black guy: So what?
Pudgy White guy: Yeah, she’s crazy…but she’s hot. They kind of balance each other out, you know?
–F train
Overheard by: emdashes
Boyfriend: What about kitty?
Girlfriend: Oh, I could eat kitty. No really, I could make a great stir-fry with the cat.
Boyfriend: You would eat my cat?
Girlfriend: Ah, that would be a great way to get at you: eat your cat.
–St. Mark’s Place
Old lady #1: But I thought the Rockettes were at Radio City…?
Old lady #2: They are.
Old lady #1: But the man said this train goes to Rockefeller Center.
Old lady #2: Well, now I’m confused, too.
–F train
A white guy in a suit hangs from the center bar upside-down on a crowded train for about five stops.
Hobo: And you all think I’m crazy.
–6 train
Overheard by: paulybrklynny
Two kids find a pocket knife on the train.
Older sister: Yo, I’m gonna bring that shit to school tomorrow!
The younger brother wipes it off with his shirt.
Older sister: No, you gotta leave the dirt on it. Then when I cut that bitch, her face will get all infected and shit.
–F train
Overheard by: erik
Guy: Aww shit. I didn’t even smoke this morning.
Girl: Can you smoke at work?
Guy: Naw.
Girl: What about at lunch?
Guy: Naw. I don’t want to be all, “Hey man, what’s up?” after lunch.
–L train
Overheard by: Matt Ferrin
Bronx Science boy: I have pixie sticks.
Bronx Science girl: I love pixie sticks. Have you ever tried to snort them?
Bronx Science boy: Yeah, once I snorted a lot because I wanted to get high and my nose started gushing blood.
–1/9 train
Overheard by: chella
