Bronx Science boy: I have pixie sticks.
Bronx Science girl: I love pixie sticks. Have you ever tried to snort them?
Bronx Science boy: Yeah, once I snorted a lot because I wanted to get high and my nose started gushing blood.
–1/9 train
Overheard by: chella
Gay Black guy #1: Oh my god, I sooo have jungle fever. Do I look good with him?
Gay Black guy #2: It’s so weird.
Gay Black guy #1: What, we don’t look good together?
Gay Black guy #2: No, yeah, it’s just that, he’s really white and you’re like, extra black, so it’s like really jungle fever.
–D train
Girl #1: You are way more charitable than I am.
Girl #2: Are you saying that only Catholics are charitable?
Girl #1: What?
–1 Train
Overheard by: Karla
In a crowded bathroom, a drunk guy at the short urinal calls over to his friend about six urinals down.
Guy #1: Hey, man! Why is mine so small? Is yours this small?
Guy #2: What?
–Penn Station men’s room
Girl #1: Is it hot in here or are my eyes just burning?
Girl #2: What?
–M66 bus
Overheard by: Gabriella
Woman: Wow, I’ve never been that close to a real arrest before!
Man: Neither have I.
Woman: This shit always happens in the city. Thank God I don’t have to put up with it anymore, now that I live in Jersey City.
Man: Uh huh…
Woman: The irony is, I’m just on my way home from my shrink! Ha, ha!
–F train
Hobo: Hello, ladies and gentlemen! How are you all today? My name is Sonny Payne–
Teen girl: And you’re just a Payne in the ass!
–F train
Overheard by: Nicole A.
Hobo: Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen–
Woman: Ah God, I can’t take it this early.
–9 train
Guy #1: You’ll figure it out when you move here…it’s like, I opened my first electic bill and said, “Wow, I really live in New York now!”
Guy #2: Right, it’s like when you’re killing someone with an axe, and you’re just hacking, and hacking, and hacking, and some blood splashes on your face and you’re like, “Oh yeah, I’m murdering someone!”
–E train
Overheard by: Kid W
Woman: Well, you know what I think? I think that the girlfriend has to die.
–Hudson Street elevator
Overheard by: Greg Rutter
Guy on cell: Yeah, the dude got shot in the face. Isn’t that awesome?
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: toon
Teen girl #1: I never got that expression, “back of my hand”.
Teen girl #2: It’s not “back of my hand”, it’s “back of my head”.
Teen girl #1: Really?
Teen girl #2: Yeah, because the back of your head is where you, like, know stuff.
–1 train
Player: Girl, your nose is like a Seinfeld episode.
–The Gate, Park Slope
A hobo sits with a HUNGRY JEW sign and begs: Lox, bagels, cream cheese? Lox, bagels, cream cheese?
–Broadway & 80th
Producer: Is Purim the holiday where they dress up? There was this little girl with an eyepatch and I was like, “Arr, you’re a pirate?” and her mom was like, “Actually, she had her eye put out.”
–27th street office
JAP on cell: I give up. I have been posting personal ads looking for “tall, dark and handsome” and all I ever end up with is “short, hairy, Jewish”. I guess I should just accept my fate.
–Starbucks, 48th & 3rd
Black guy: I ain’t Jewish, so I don’t be doin’ no Yom Kippur.
–D train
Overheard by: Nash Astor
Guy #1: Yo dude, I got a mouse in my apartment.
Guy #2: You better kill it before it grows into a rat.
–A train
Overheard by: Eric Muscatell
Woman: There were a few secret societies. I lived next to one of them. There was one at Cornell. The top two floors of this tower were locked up, and every so often there’d be lights.
Man: There’s a few secret societies in the US. The Masons, they’re really powerful. If you’re a lawyer and the judge is one, you go up and give a sign.
Woman: I don’t want to think the world is run that way. It makes me too paranoid.
–N train
