The Mother of All Wednesday One-liners

Man: Did anyone else notice my mother’s leopard print panties?

–1st Avenue & 10th Street

Girl on cell: Stop stealing Grandma’s condoms, you know she needs them more than you do. Do you want another mother?

–47th & 9th

Mom: Rules are so hard to keep track of and enforce. So I just don’t make any.

–Brooklyn Heights

Mom: Do you know what mental illness is? It’s not fun. You should know.

–F train

Guido on cell: My grandmother tore him a new asshole! You know what she’s like.

–Carroll Gardens

Overheard by: Vic Payback

Mom: Can we please watch the expletives? Did you hear what I said? Can we please watch the expletives?…Can you please stop giving me the finger?

–LIRR

Overheard by: CMichaels

Mom: Get out of the elevator, I want to look at the Marc Jacobs crap.

–Barney’s, Madison Avenue

Posted on August 12, 2025
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Brooklyn, Condoms, Elevators, Etiquette, Fashion, Guidos, Illness, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Shopping, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-liners Make the Cut

Woman: This block has the best garbage!

–2nd Avenue & 8th Street

Girl on cell: We’ve already got plans again for this weekend. I’m really excited about this guy; he’s great. He’s really driven, really ready to succeed. He’s a doctor…No, not in real life, on TV.

–57th & Lexington

Overheard by: Heather

White guy: That wasn’t the best day of my life, though. The best day was the day after my birthday when I recoverd my hard drive.

–Astoria party

Overheard by: Noah Starr

Man on cell: I like them shoes with the ruffle. The ones you wore to the Olive Garden that one time.

–Broadway & Prince

Girl: In theory…I was going to end that sentence with, “the dolphins will be OK.”

–7 train

Overheard by: Amado Angel

Lady: Well, he’s an ex-junkie, an alcoholic, mean-tempered, a practicing bisexual, and he has hepatitus C. But he’s a wonderful man and, as guys like that go, he does have great taste in jewelry.

–Midtown office

Posted on August 11, 2025
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Astoria, Computer, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Fashion, Favorites, Gadgets, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Illness, Jobs & Careers, Manhattan, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, People, Places, Pop Culture, Queens, Restaurants & Cafes, Soho, Topics, TV, Union Square and East Village, White People, Women

Jingle Those Keys and You’ll Attract Some Bitch

Black guy #1: Ya know the only way to get a girl these days is to have a hot car.
Black guy #2: Yeah.
Black guy #1: I could get the keys, but not the car.

–N train

Posted on August 9, 2025
Black People, On the Subway, Thievery

That’s When You Lose Your Flower

Little girl: But I want a flower!
Dad: Get married.

–R train

Overheard by: caelwern

Posted on August 3, 2025
Dads, Kids, Marriage, On the Subway

Drop Those Drawers and You’ll See

Hobo: Does anyone have some food? I’m so hungry, please!
Guy: I think I have an apple in my bag.
Hobo: I got no teeth! I got no teeth! I don’t want your apple!
Guy: How the hell do you expect to get any food without teeth?

–2/3 train

Posted on August 3, 2025
Food, Gripes, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, On the Subway

No, Because Ricin Clears People Out Like You Wouldn’t Believe

Black girl: Oh my God, this train is crowded.
Japanese guy: In Tokyo, the trains are much more crowded than this!
Black girl: Why? ’cause they can fit so many more of you little guys on it?

–6 train

Overheard by: Carri

Posted on July 30, 2025
Black People, Japanese, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, On the Subway, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Travel

He Just Wants to Find Out What Tzatziki is Called

Teen girl: Like, I thought he was Jewish but then he ate a gyro so I dumped him.
Teen boy: That’s rough. Did he have it with that white sauce?
Teen girl: What difference does that make? Shit, you’re dumb.

–F train

Overheard by: Steph Gold

Posted on July 26, 2025
Breaking Up, Food, Jews, On the Subway, People, Places, Relationships, Sex & Relationships, Stupidity, Teens, Topics

Might As Well Go Pro If You’re Doing All the Work

Woman: My dad actually said, “I don’t want you becoming a hooker. If you need money, ask me.”
Man: You know why he said that, right?

–N train

Posted on July 25, 2025
Men, On the Subway, Promiscuity, Women

Wednesday One-liners Make an Ass of Themselves

Queer: As my grandmother used to say, you’ve got one fuckable ass.

–Marie’s Crisis, Grove Street

Overheard by: catherine

Hobo: How you doin’? How you doin’? I’m doin’ good. Yeah, you know I’m doin’ good, cause I’m lookin’ good! And you know why I look good? ’cause I clean mah ass!

–1 train

Overheard by: Alex Valentine

NYU chick: All this work is going to fuck me in the ass so much my boyfriend won’t be able to.

–Silver Building, Waverly Place

Chick: I can’t believe how much he charged me for this disposable camera. I was like, “Why don’t you fuck me up the ass while you’re at it?”

–55th & 3rd

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Black guy: Damn, it smells like open ass around here.

–Canal & Broadway

Overheard by: Daniel

Posted on July 23, 2025
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Backdoor, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Buildings, Family Ties, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On the Subway, Queer guys, Scents of the City, Soho, Students, The Village

Wednesday One-liners Get on the 6

Hipster: I have so many friends in their 20s who are still virgins! Is “virgin” the new pink?

–6 train

Hobo: Listen up! I’m not here to beg or ask for money. I’m here to tell you that a flashlight like this one could save your life. There are no promises! Be prepared! Always carry a flashlight and water!

–6 train

Girlfriend: …and no more talking about economics when you are inside of me…

–6 train

Overheard by: A

Posted on July 21, 2025
All Wednesday One-Liners, Hipsters, Hobos, On the Subway, Sex, Virginity

On the Subway