Wednesday One-Liner Often Wonder How It Started To Be Spelled That Way

Girl: …well it stopped working 'cause it got cum in it.

–W 27th St

Chick: I'm starving. The only protein I've had all day is an accidental cum shot to the face earlier this morning.

–SoHo

Guy to friends: If y'all was to really write it down and make a… a food chain of all of who used to date who, and who's dating who now, I bet you y'all got all the same juices running up in y'all system.

–2 Train

Overheard by: Kosi

Passing guy on cell: All I'm saying is everyone should have control over where their sperm goes.

–7th Ave

Hoochie on cell : Because I manage to get very juicy.

–L Train

Drunk girl at restaurant holding a champagne bottle: Excuse me, sir, can you open this for me? I'm afraid it's going to cum everywhere.

–Kaleidoscope, E 10th St

College dude: I bet there's semen somewhere on this grass.

–Great Lawn, Central Park

Overheard by: Liz

Posted on September 30, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Cum, Dating, Drinks, Drunks, Etiquette, Food, Frat Boys, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hootchies, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Restaurants & Cafes, Soho, Union Square and East Village, Words

When You're Wearing That Corset and Thigh-High Boots

Mom (to young girl banging on subway seat): Stop that, quiet.
Young girl: What'cha gonna do, open up a can of whoop-ass on me?
Mom: Girl, what did you say? Where did you learn that?
Young girl: You always say it to daddy.

–2 Train

Posted on September 29, 2014
Comebacks, Default, Etiquette, Girls, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Parents, Questions, Weirdness, Words

How the U.S. Looks to the Rest of the World

Angry guy: Hey, what the fuck, man? You fuckin’ crazy, jackhole? What the fuck you doin’, man?
Bewildered guy: I’m not doing anything…
Angry guy: Be fuckin’ nice, man! What the fuck is wrong with you? Be fucking nice!
Bewildered guy: Well, then, you be nice, too.
Angry guy: Do not fuck with me. I will fuck you up! Do not fuckin’ mess with me!
Bewildered guy: I’m not messing with you!
Angry guy: Okay. Have a nice day.

–F train

Posted on September 28, 2014
Anger Management, On the Subway, Strangers, Threats

Cue Nostalgic Bouncing Montage

Middle-aged guy: So yeah, after I broke my ankle playing racquetball, I can’t really play basketball anymore.
Old guy: Well, can you still go hiking?
Middle-aged guy: Yeah, I guess so, since it’s not like, high impact.
Old guy: …What about trampolines?
Middle-aged guy: Naw, man. Those days are over.

–A train

Overheard by: Aryn M

Posted on September 27, 2014
Football, Health and Hygiene, Men, Old People, On the Subway

200 Wednesday One-Liners, and There's Nothing to Watch.

Professor: Do you guys watch American Idol? It's painful.

–Lehman College

Film student #1: It's kind of like Cloverfield meets The L Word.

–Waverly Place & Broadway

Valley girl wearing UGGs, pointing to Guggenheim: Oh! I think this is the building where Blair and Serena live!

–Outside of Guggenheim

Really effeminate 40-something man: I always pick up when he calls, and he was so mad I didn't this time… but I couldn't, because I was still in mourning over American Idol!

–114th & Broadway

Overheard by: Melissa

Queer to female friend: I was watchin' Oprah the other day. Oprah is legit! She had Christina Applegate on. You know, that girl from Married with Children and she was talkin' 'bout her breasts. She got breast cancer and they took both of them off! She had on of them lumpectomies.

–J Train

Guy: That's the new American dream–fuck up your life so much that you get your own tv show.

–Fundraising Walk, Battery Park

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Posted on September 27, 2014
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Battery Park, Cancer, College, Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Dreams, Film, Friends, Girls, Guys, Idiots, More museums, On the Subway, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, Queer guys, Questions, Rack, Store, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, The Village, TV, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

The Question, Then, Is Why Did You Want to Fuck Margot Kidder?

Ghetto guy #1: Yo, man, phone your mom.
Ghetto guy #2: Yeah, hurry up, we about to go in the tunnel.
Ghetto guy #3: Yo, I’m Superman, nigga. I can do whatever I want.

–1 train, 125th St

Posted on September 27, 2014
Cell Phone, On the Subway, Thugs

Not a Good Reason to Drop Out, but the Best I’ve Heard Yet

Metal chick: Why is it that everyone who goes away to college loves Dave Matthews Band or O.A.R.?
Friend: I don’t know, but they both suck.
Metal chick: That’s why I left school. I fucking hate Dave Matthews Band.

–Downtown 1 train

Posted on September 26, 2014
College, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Music, On the Subway, Questions, School and studying, Stupidity

Thank God My Boyfriend’s the Size of a Golf Pencil!

Teen girl #1: It is, like, impossible to get laid with a dick that’s too large.
Teen girl #2: Like, seriously — 12 inches? You would rupture something.
Teen boy: It would be something out of Alien.
Teen girl #2: Just a huge black thing coming out of your stomach.

–1 train

Posted on September 26, 2014
On the Subway, Penis, Teens

Because Standards Are for Pussies

Dude: She sure had a wide ass.
Fat guy: Yeah, but I’d fuck her ’til the rest of her teeth are gone.
Dude: Yeah.

–1 train

Posted on September 25, 2014
Fat People, On the Subway, Sex

Serial Recriminations Are Better?

Yuppie #1: All you need to do is have sex with one girl at the start of the party, and then all the girls at the party will want to fuck you. It’s like invincibility!
Yuppie #2: That’s not invincibility! That’s much better.

–Outside Lorimer L train

Overheard by: Kevin

Posted on September 25, 2014
Advice, On the Subway, Yuppies

On the Subway