All the World’s a Wednesday and the People Merely One-Liners

Loud angsty teen boy: My life is a tragedy and I’m only in act two!

–LaGuardia High School

Overheard by: He’s no Shakespeare…

Actor: I almost woke up dead this morning. But I don’t have an understudy.

–Gallery Players, Park Slope

Overheard by: Emily B.

Guy: …and grimace could play Mary Magdalene.

–Lincoln Center

Shake Shack patron: It was like Menopause: The musical.

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Queer on cell: Honey, if you thought Menopause was funny, you are gonna piss yo pants at The Vagina Monologues!

–Walgreens, Union Square

Flyer guy to girl with Rent shirt: Why you gonna go see Rent? Have you seen it yet? The gay guy dies. Woo!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Minerva

Stagehand: Julliard is a school. It’s not like Spamalot.

–Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Emily B.

Posted on January 15, 2015
Actors, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Christianity, Compare/Contrast, Death, Depressed, Fast Times at New York High, Flyer people, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Gripes, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Park Slope, Queer guys, School and studying, Store, Teens, Theater, Theater & Dance, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Isn’t the Future Great?

Girl #1: Feminism is about choice. For example, I choose not to be Susie Homemaker and you choose not to be a dominatrix.
Girl #2: That’s true.

–6th & 5th, Park Slope

Posted on January 9, 2015
Gender issues, Intelligentsia, Park Slope, Philosophy

Then Buy Me a Fucking Popsicle Already

Son: Dad, can we buy Popsicles?
Dad: Why don’t we make our own at home?
Son: Yay! I want to make seltzer flavor!
Dad, sighing: Well, that would just be an ice cube.

–C-Town, Park Slope

Overheard by: Hiland

Posted on January 7, 2015
Comebacks, Dads, Food, Home, Sweet Home, Kids, Park Slope, Questions

Wednesday One-liners Watch What They Eat

Fortysomething dude: Don’t tell me I don’t know about metabolism! I have known about metabolism my entire life. Metabolize yourself!

–The Gate, Park Slope

Overheard by: Moochy and D-Rock

Girl on cell: I don’t want to talk about your eating disorder every fucking time we talk!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: mondo man

Posted on January 5, 2015
Anorexic, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Food, Health and Hygiene, Manhattan, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Penn Station, Places

Wednesday One-Minors

Two-year-old, pointing to Citibank: That's my bank!

–7th Ave & President St, Park Slope

Overheard by: But who's your insurance carrier?

Nine-year old boy on cell: Well, you know what? Fuck you! I'm going home! (slams cell shut and begins strutting across parking lot)

–Parking Lot, Staten Island Mall

Overheard by: WTF????

Ten-year-old girl in bathing suit to seven-year-old girl: Stop touching my ass. Whore!

–Park, Astoria

Little girl to group of little girls: Raise your hand if you're allergic to penicillin!

–R Train

Overheard by: cole

Little girl to friends, pointing at platform: That's where hobos live!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Jesus Jon

Three-year-old boy, eating hamburger: Cock cock cock cock!

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Alexis from Texas

Kid in cart at end of dairy aisle as man he came in with goes down aisle: Ssomeone's gonna take me! Someone's take me!

–Stop & Shop, Kingsbridge, Bronx

Overheard by: Krisztina

Posted on January 2, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Astoria, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Friends, Health and Hygiene, Home, Sweet Home, Homeless, Insults, Kids, Malls, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Parks, Penis, Staten Island, Street, Stupidity, The Bronx, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

…At Which Point, Yell “Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice!” Just to Freak Him Out

Brunch woman #1: You let a four-year old watch Beetlejuice?
Brunch woman #2: It's not that scary.
Brunch woman #1: Let him come into your room in the middle of the night and suck your tit until he falls asleep!

–Rosewater Restaurant, Park Slope

Posted on December 31, 2014
Age/Aging, Babies, Fears, Film, Parents, Park Slope, Questions, Rack, Restaurants & Cafes, Women

…Or at Least Strippers Dressed As Cops.

Teenage boy to friend: So when I was walking by the store I saw this guy being dragged out in handcuffs.
Friend: Shit, why didn't you call the cops or something?

–Park Slope

Overheard by: areyouserious?

Posted on December 30, 2014
Cops, Crime and Punishment, Friends, Park Slope, Questions, Stupidity, Teens

That’s a Little Harsh for One Report Card, Don’t You Think?

Drunk woman: So I was like, “Why don’t you just off yourself, you fat, miserable fuck?”
Friend: Jesus, Becky*.

–bar, 5th & St. Mark’s, Park Slope

Posted on December 22, 2014
Drunks, Friendship, Insults, Park Slope

Wednesday One-liners Drop It Like It’s Hot

Preggers: My baby’s so low she can help me walk up steps. Mee-mur.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: scott nichols

Posted on December 21, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Moms, Park Slope, Pregnancy & Birth Control

Yet for Some Reason, Not When It’s Burning Three Inches from My Face

Asian chick: Do you have an extra cigarette?
Tall dude: Yeah, sure.
Asian chick: Do you have a light?
Tall dude: Yeah, here you go.
Asian chick: Can you light it for me? I’m afraid of fire.

–Cosmic Cantina, Park Slope

Overheard by: worst pick up line ever

Posted on December 19, 2014
Asians, Fears, Guys, Park Slope