Dad: So what did you learn in school today?
Son: Ummm…a tomato is a fruit.
Dad: What? A tomato is a fruit?
Son: Yeah, cause it has seeds.
Dad: You’re telling me a tomato is a fruit? Is a pumpkin a fruit?
Son: Yeah, they have seeds.
Dad: What about a cucumber, is that a fruit?
Son: No.
Dad: What about a squash? A zucchini? You know what I think? I think you’re the fruit!
Son: No, I don’t have seeds.
Dad: …I’m not going there.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Rehey
Teen girl #1: He wanted to eat me out.
Teen girl #2: Really?
Teen girl #1: Yeah, he was like, “Bend over,” and I was like, “No.”
–1 train
Female coworker: So, does your son have dark hair like you?
Male coworker: No, he has sort of sandy hair — like a cross between me and his mom, Lisa.
Female coworker: Oh.
Male coworker: But, you know, he has big nipples like Lisa.
–NJ Transit train
Guy #1: Well, Mike was the one that got us into bestiality.
Guy #2: Right.
–23rd between 8th & 9th
Overheard by: James R
Guy: Seriously, you have to be the most wonderful person in the world to do something like that.
Girl: Yeah, but it’s still a felony!
–Morningside Heights
Overheard by: Julia Kite
Guy: So you don’t think neck tattoos are sexy?
Girl: No.
Guy: What do they make you think of?
Girl: Prison.
Guy: What if I get my name in Hebrew?
Girl: Jewish prison.
–10th & Ave B
Overheard by: Trying not to laugh
Brit husband: I can’t believe this isn’t air conditioned.
Brit wife: Well, this isn’t London…just pretend it is a sauna.
Brit husband: I can’t. It smells like piss and sweat, not cedar.
–1 train
Teacher: Settle down! You three are always running around like you’re in a parade or something!
Goofus: Mister, you’re your own gay pride parade.
–R train
Umbrella guy #1: Get your umbrellas! Don’t get wet, get your umbrellas here!
Umbrella guy #2: Don’t listen to that asshole, get your better umbrellas here!
–31st & Broadway
Overheard by: Dan & John
