Pop Culture

Wednesday One-liners Are Koo Koo

Hobo: Was it right to be kicked out of a house for being an adult with a child mind? You don’t get it, lady. There’s a whole house of adults with child minds. Whatever. See ya! Wouldn’t want to be ya!

–F train

Queer: He totally has to understand that he’s crazy and that those Martha Stewart people are crazy too!

–27th street office

Crazy lady: Well, I think you should give me my musical instruments back because I know that you’ve been stealing them every day for the last nine years. Yes, I’m sure! I have proof. You see, that’s not music. That’s not rock and roll. That’s just crazy.

–Bedford Avenue station

Overheard by: Greg Rutter

Crazy man: I already told you I don’t have no chicken. Besides, I gave you that tree last week.

–54th & 11th

Crazy woman: I’ve got demons behind me, shit next to me, and the ugly ones in front of me. I need an angel above me.

–World Financial Center

Overheard by: Dr. Ballon

Crazy bag lady: Stay away from the people! Stay away from the idiot Mexicans!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Suit: …and I swear to God, man, the whole time? That creepy deaf-mute babysitter from across the hall?…is watching me.

–46th & 8th

Overheard by: ballpeen hammer

Crazy lady: I don’t believe this. Pussyass son of a fucking faggot!

–Lexington & 23rd

Hobo: Would someone please tell Courtney Love to get her goddamned dick out of my mouth? Thank you! Would someone please tell Courtney Love to get her goddamned dick out of my mouth? Thank you! Would someone please tell Courtney Love to get her goddamned dick out of my mouth? Thank you!

–19th between 7th & 8th

You Gotta Stop Coming Here, Craig

Daily Show warm-up guy: You all know who hosts this show, right?
Audience member: Craig Kilborn!

–The Daily Show studio

Overheard by: Brian Resler

Wednesday One-liners for the Thespians

Girl on cell: No…Well yes, you can call me back, just not between the hours of 8 and 10PM…Why do you think? It’s Jack Bauer Power Hour!….Uh, times 2. It’s going to be motherfucking terrorist-kicking time. That whispering bad ass mofo is going to be going on strong tonight for 2 hours. Praise Jebus!…Bam! Pop! Pow! Jacky should be the father of my children. I will however totally call you directly after the show.

–1st Avenue & 5th Street

The PATH Train at 33rd (A NYC Short Story)

Hobo: Where are you going?
Drunk guy: Bermuda. I’m connecting to the plane.

Drunk guy: Is that your cousin?
Hobo: Yeah!
Drunk guy: He didn’t even say nothing to you. That’s fucked up!

Hobo: My name is Peter. Peter Parker. I’m Spider-Man’s father.

The hobo shows the drunk guy his bottle. The drunk guy takes out a can of beer and a bottle of whiskey

Drunk guy: So what? You trying to beat me? You started a competition and I beat you. I came prepared.

–PATH train

Overheard by: Tony Gabriel

Howie: I Was Young, I Needed the Money!

40-ish white collar: Did you ever see that video on the internet where a woman blows a horse and she gags when he cums?
30-ish blonde companion: Ewww, no.
40-ish white collar: How about that video where this bald guy who looks like Howie Mandel inserts his entire head into this woman’s giant vagina?
30-ish blonde companion: No, I would have remembered that one.
40-ish white collar: Don’t you keep up with culture?

–Waiting in line to see Martin Short in Fame Becomes Me

Overheard by: Big Larry

Bad Things Happen When You Teach Evolution

Guido #1: Tuna is not made from dolphins, bro.
Guido #2: I’m telling you, tuna fish is made from dolphins.
Guido #1: No way, bro, tuna are not dolphins!
Guido #2: Then what are they?
Guido #1: They’re…chicken of the sea.

–9th St. Path Station

Overheard by: Kevin M

Don’t Ask Her About the Pigeons

Lesbian #1: I love you.
Lesbian #2: Do you love me even when we’re like Bert and Ernie?
Lesbian #1: Of course! Wait, who’s Bert?
Lesbian #2: Me. I’ve been so uptight.
Lesbian #1: Great. So you’re the tall, thin, uptight one and I’m the short, fat, stupid one.

–Union Square

His Archenemy Is a Severely Progressive Tax Structure

Older brother teaching the finer points of comic books: Yeah, Batman’s really cool. Best thing about him — he doesn’t have superpowers, so he’s really an ordinary guy.
Younger brother: Wow, no superpowers?
Older brother: Well, apart from being super rich.

–F train to Queens

I Hear She Shops at a Tiny, Tiny Version Of Wet Seal

Little girl, sadly: But she got the new Barbie…
Mom: Yeah, but hers is super janky… Yours is the good one, it was all customized for you. You don't want hers.
Little girl: Oh.

–N Train

Overheard by: Brittany M

Medieval General: And After the Archers, Send in the Yellow Horde!

Asian guy: Hey, you ever play DDR?
White guy: I’m white. No, never played it.
Asian guy: Oh, I played at a friend’s yesterday. His sister was good.
White guy: Are you good?
Asian guy: I’m OK.
White guy: Redeem yourself. You’re not Asian anymore.
Asian guy: Dude, my friends are black. Black people can dance, idiot.
White guy: Yeah, and Asian people are good at DDR.
Asian guy: No, we’re just good at following arrows.

–Times Square

Overheard by: jason

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