Traveler: Does this A train go near 33rd St?
Conductor: Sure. Get off at 34th St.
Traveler: Is that near 33rd St?
–A Train
Traveler: Does this A train go near 33rd St?
Conductor: Sure. Get off at 34th St.
Traveler: Is that near 33rd St?
–A Train
Native guide: All these subways go north-south, see, north-south, north-south. So we have to get the shuttle, which goes east-west.
Tourist #1: Shuttle, shuttle! Sounds like something you'd say to someone when you're upset. Oh, shuttle!
Tourist #2: I don't really understand this whole north-south thing.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Conductor to a group of passengers: You should flip the seats back, this is going to be a crowded train.
Passenger #1: Well, what if we lied down and pretended to be corpses or something? People wouldn’t take our seats then.
Conductor: No, people would just come and sit on you.
Passenger #2: But what if we were just like “We’re not dead yet!”?
Conductor: Well, they’d still sit on you, so you probably would be dead soon.
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: alison
Chick #1, unable to find seats: Well, this is too bad.
Chick #2: Yeah, there should be hangover seats.
–Manhattan-bound N train, Queens
Hobo to another: Now the average American might not know about the economy and the depression. But they know about Budwieser. If they go to the bodega and there's no Budweiser, they know there's a problem.
–53rd Street E Station
Overheard by: SJG
Bald 30-something man: I believe in whiskey and little else.
–Lorimer & Union
Girl walking down the street: You took methamphetamines, I'm getting a Diet Coke!
–2nd Ave & 11th St
Overheard by: dazed and confused
Elated girl: This beer is really helping my canker sore.
–93rd & 2nd
Overheard by: brian w
Guy at bar: If the New York Public Library served Scotch, I would go there.
–Karl's Klipper, St George, Staten Island
Overheard by: Johnny Drongo
Train conductor: Next stop, Moshulo Parkway…and can someone get me a fucking soda! I'm in car 3! I need a damn soda!
–4 Train
Overheard by: B-Dizzle Yo
Meathead to friend: Yo, you ever ride the monorail from here? It goes from Jamaica to da airports, it's a pretty cool trip just to see. We should take it quick, you wanna?
Friend: Yo, bro, we're on a train, you want me to detour all the way to JFK so you can ride the fucking monorail? Yo, how homo are you?
–LIRR
Overheard by: rick
Tourist: Wow, it’s like a whole underground city thing here!
Local: I dont know any freaks who would want to live in a city like this.
–Times Square subway station
Overheard by: LSB
Girl: What the fuck are you doing?
Guy: It was the train.
Girl: No, it fucking wasn’t.
Guy: I thought it would be fun.
Girl: You know what would be fun? Me kicking you in the balls.
Guy: That wouldn’t be fun.
Hobo: That would be a shitload of fun! Can I play?
–A train
Overheard by: Gradie Smith
Panhandler, singing “Here Comes the Sun” as he walks through the train: Please give me some money!
Homie: Dude, you need to be on a downtown train! We's poor on the uptown train! You on the wrong fucking train.
–1 Train
Overheard by: trixx117
Girl #1: I wish the bus would come.
Girl #2: I wish I was a girl.
–Madison Ave
