Now I Know My Wednesday One-Liners, Next Time Won’t You Wednesday One-Liner With Me?

Little boy singing to mother: E is for druggies!

–R Train

Overheard by: Allegra

Crazy hobo: Take the V train! V is for vasectomy. Why take the crowded E train where all the lesbians will crush you?

–V Train Platform

Overheard by: Tom

Conductor: This is 14th Street. Transfer here for the L as in "lower level of hell".

–F Train

Overheard by: So True

Little boy playing with chopsticks: Look mom! (forms a V) V for Victoria! (forms an X) X for xylophone! (forms a T) and T for terrorist!

–Japanese Restaurant, 3rd & 25th

Conductor over loudspeaker: I know it’s Saturday afternoon and all you people are mad confused because the trains are all messed up on weekends, so listen up: The W as in "Will you marry me?" will be running on the Q as in "cookie" line. And the R as in (goes in operatic singing voice) "rooooooooooomeooooooooooo" will be running normally for the rest of the weekend. Alright y’all… There you go. Enjoy your Saturday!

–Canal Street Subway Station

Overheard by: stfo

Posted on July 4, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Crazies, Gays and Lesbians, Hobos, Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Restaurants & Cafes, Soho, Subway conductors, Terrorism, Words

Turns Out She Wanted to Eat at Subway.

Foreign hottie #1: Hello. Where is the subway?
Random girl: What subway?
Foreign hottie #2: Any subway.
Random girl: Well, where are you going?
Foreign hottie #1: The subway.

–2nd Ave & 1st St.

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Posted on July 4, 2015
Directions, Foreigners, Girls, Public Transportation, Questions, Strangers, Union Square and East Village

And, If So, Is It Above or Below It?

Traveler: Does this A train go near 33rd St?
Conductor: Sure. Get off at 34th St.
Traveler: Is that near 33rd St?

–A Train

Posted on July 3, 2015
Conductors, Directions, On the Subway, Passengers, Public Transportation, Questions, Stupidity

Here's Dan Brown to Explain

Native guide: All these subways go north-south, see, north-south, north-south. So we have to get the shuttle, which goes east-west.
Tourist #1: Shuttle, shuttle! Sounds like something you'd say to someone when you're upset. Oh, shuttle!
Tourist #2: I don't really understand this whole north-south thing.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on June 29, 2015
Clerks, Directions, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Tourism, Tourists, Words

Guess Whether or Not I’d Save You

Conductor to a group of passengers: You should flip the seats back, this is going to be a crowded train.
Passenger #1: Well, what if we lied down and pretended to be corpses or something? People wouldn’t take our seats then.
Conductor: No, people would just come and sit on you.
Passenger #2: But what if we were just like “We’re not dead yet!”?
Conductor: Well, they’d still sit on you, so you probably would be dead soon.

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: alison

Posted on June 28, 2015
Advice, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Death, Default, Public Transportation, Strangers, Trains Not Subway

You Really Want the Train to Smell More Like Vomit?

Chick #1, unable to find seats: Well, this is too bad.
Chick #2: Yeah, there should be hangover seats.

–Manhattan-bound N train, Queens

Posted on June 25, 2015
Girls, On the Subway, Public Transportation

This Round's on Wednesday One-Liners

Hobo to another: Now the average American might not know about the economy and the depression. But they know about Budwieser. If they go to the bodega and there's no Budweiser, they know there's a problem.

–53rd Street E Station

Overheard by: SJG

Bald 30-something man: I believe in whiskey and little else.

–Lorimer & Union

Girl walking down the street: You took methamphetamines, I'm getting a Diet Coke!

–2nd Ave & 11th St

Overheard by: dazed and confused

Elated girl: This beer is really helping my canker sore.

–93rd & 2nd

Overheard by: brian w

Guy at bar: If the New York Public Library served Scotch, I would go there.

–Karl's Klipper, St George, Staten Island

Overheard by: Johnny Drongo

Train conductor: Next stop, Moshulo Parkway…and can someone get me a fucking soda! I'm in car 3! I need a damn soda!

–4 Train

Overheard by: B-Dizzle Yo

Posted on June 23, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drinks, Drugs, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Men, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Staten Island, Subway conductors, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Homo Enough to Wanna Get Railed?

Meathead to friend: Yo, you ever ride the monorail from here? It goes from Jamaica to da airports, it's a pretty cool trip just to see. We should take it quick, you wanna?
Friend: Yo, bro, we're on a train, you want me to detour all the way to JFK so you can ride the fucking monorail? Yo, how homo are you?

–LIRR

Overheard by: rick

Posted on June 21, 2015
Comebacks, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Insults, Meatheads, Public Transportation, Trains Not Subway, Travel

But With Some Curtains, a Fresh Coat of Paint…

Tourist: Wow, it’s like a whole underground city thing here!
Local: I dont know any freaks who would want to live in a city like this.

–Times Square subway station

Overheard by: LSB

Posted on June 18, 2015
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, Only in New York, Public Transportation, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Times Square, Tourists

You Stick to Strip Poker, Mr. Hobo

Girl: What the fuck are you doing?
Guy: It was the train.
Girl: No, it fucking wasn’t.
Guy: I thought it would be fun.
Girl: You know what would be fun? Me kicking you in the balls.
Guy: That wouldn’t be fun.
Hobo: That would be a shitload of fun! Can I play?

–A train

Overheard by: Gradie Smith

Posted on June 18, 2015
Balls, Couples, Hobos, Kick, On the Subway, Public Transportation

Public Transportation