The Best Things in Life Are Wednesday One-Liner

Woman on cell: Why aren't you looking for some boy to do it for free?

–E 3rd & 1st Ave

Overweight MTA worker with megaphone: Free shuttle buses to Utica Ave. Follow the crowd. Free shuttle buses to Utica Ave. Follow the crowd. No shirt, no shoes: no service!

–Franklin Ave Subway

Overheard by: Jesus Jon

Homeless guy: Free boogers! Get your free boogers!

–8th & 6th

Overheard by: Zack

Old woman with glass of wine and full plate, stumbling out onto the sidewalk: Ha! It's free! Everyone, free food! Ha!

–Open House Art Exhibition, 106th St & Broadway

Guy giving out free pens: Come on, don't be shy! Come get your free pens! This is New York City, only thing you're gonna get for free are these pens and your mother's love.

–Kimmel, NYU

Wanna-be thug eating ice cream: Wanna know how much I paid for this? S'free! I stole it.

–125th St & Broadway

Overheard by: EthanK

Hobo stopped for stealing a box of bottled water: But Obama's President! Everything should be motherfucking free for the next 279 years!

–Duane Reade

Posted on July 12, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Blue-collar workers, Duane Reade, Excretions, Fat People, Food, Free stuff!, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Love, More museums, NYU, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, President, Public Transportation, Questions, Sex, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Thievery, Thugs, Time, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Unwanted Foreigners

Cashier: Here’s your receipt. Have a nice day.
Customer: Thanks. Do you know how hard it is to get a taxi around here?
Cashier: Well, you are in Midtown Manhattan, so it’s pretty easy.
Customer: Thanks.
Cashier: Where are you from?
Customer: Staten Island.
Cashier, under breath: Figures…

–J. Crew, Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Al

Posted on July 12, 2015
9 to 5-ers, Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Customers, Default, NYC Geography, Public Transportation, Questions, Rockefeller Center, Store, Words

The Governor's Mansion Ain't What It Used to Be, Baby

20-something grunge girl #1: So I plan on getting really trashed tonight, do you think I can crash there tonight?
20-something grunge girl #2: I wouldn't recommend it. Last time I crashed there I ended up with scabies.

–L Train

Overheard by: Anthony's Gal

Posted on July 10, 2015
Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Health and Hygiene, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Weirdness

Dude, You Just Killed Rosa Parks

White chick: Excuse me sir, are these your bags?
Hispanic man: Yeah.
White chick: Do you mind if I sit here?

He moves his bags to another seat.

Hispanic man: Fucking white bitches! Making me move my bags! Fucking white bitches…sure bitch, sit down. There you go.

A few minutes later.

White dude: Excuse me, sir, are those your bags?
Hispanic man: Yeah.
White dude: Do you mind moving them, please?
Hispanic man: Sure, Cracker Jack cracker, I’ll move my bags so your white ass can sit.

–M14 bus

Posted on July 10, 2015
Latinos, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, On the Bus, Public Transportation, White People

We Heart Wednesday One-Liners, Now More Than Ever

Guy to friend: Oowee! Some weed and a perm! That's my perfect New York day.

–West Village

Overheard by: Joe

Conductor: Step in, stand clear…let's go New York!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Ashley Nelson

Intoxicated creepster: Are we in Manhattan? What the hell! This city is so full of New Yorkers!

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Lizzzzz

Bitter man on subway: I think one summer here would cure them of any love they have for this town.

–1 Train

Passerby to surprised-looking wife, watching fight: They're fighting. It's New York, that's what people do in this city.

–City Hall

Overheard by: ascorbique & almost famous

Grinning paramedic to female tourist in shock, strapping her to backboard after she was struck by a car: Welcome to New York!

–34th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Mateo que Feo

Posted on July 5, 2015
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Conductors, Couples, Creepsters, EMTs, Fighting and ass kicking, Friends, Gripes, Guys, Love, Men, On the Subway, One-liners, Only in New York, Public Transportation, Questions, Street, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, West Village

Now I Know My Wednesday One-Liners, Next Time Won’t You Wednesday One-Liner With Me?

Little boy singing to mother: E is for druggies!

–R Train

Overheard by: Allegra

Crazy hobo: Take the V train! V is for vasectomy. Why take the crowded E train where all the lesbians will crush you?

–V Train Platform

Overheard by: Tom

Conductor: This is 14th Street. Transfer here for the L as in "lower level of hell".

–F Train

Overheard by: So True

Little boy playing with chopsticks: Look mom! (forms a V) V for Victoria! (forms an X) X for xylophone! (forms a T) and T for terrorist!

–Japanese Restaurant, 3rd & 25th

Conductor over loudspeaker: I know it’s Saturday afternoon and all you people are mad confused because the trains are all messed up on weekends, so listen up: The W as in "Will you marry me?" will be running on the Q as in "cookie" line. And the R as in (goes in operatic singing voice) "rooooooooooomeooooooooooo" will be running normally for the rest of the weekend. Alright y’all… There you go. Enjoy your Saturday!

–Canal Street Subway Station

Overheard by: stfo

Posted on July 4, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Crazies, Gays and Lesbians, Hobos, Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Restaurants & Cafes, Soho, Subway conductors, Terrorism, Words

Turns Out She Wanted to Eat at Subway.

Foreign hottie #1: Hello. Where is the subway?
Random girl: What subway?
Foreign hottie #2: Any subway.
Random girl: Well, where are you going?
Foreign hottie #1: The subway.

–2nd Ave & 1st St.

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Posted on July 4, 2015
Directions, Foreigners, Girls, Public Transportation, Questions, Strangers, Union Square and East Village

And, If So, Is It Above or Below It?

Traveler: Does this A train go near 33rd St?
Conductor: Sure. Get off at 34th St.
Traveler: Is that near 33rd St?

–A Train

Posted on July 3, 2015
Conductors, Directions, On the Subway, Passengers, Public Transportation, Questions, Stupidity

Here's Dan Brown to Explain

Native guide: All these subways go north-south, see, north-south, north-south. So we have to get the shuttle, which goes east-west.
Tourist #1: Shuttle, shuttle! Sounds like something you'd say to someone when you're upset. Oh, shuttle!
Tourist #2: I don't really understand this whole north-south thing.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on June 29, 2015
Clerks, Directions, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Tourism, Tourists, Words

Guess Whether or Not I’d Save You

Conductor to a group of passengers: You should flip the seats back, this is going to be a crowded train.
Passenger #1: Well, what if we lied down and pretended to be corpses or something? People wouldn’t take our seats then.
Conductor: No, people would just come and sit on you.
Passenger #2: But what if we were just like “We’re not dead yet!”?
Conductor: Well, they’d still sit on you, so you probably would be dead soon.

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: alison

Posted on June 28, 2015
Advice, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Death, Default, Public Transportation, Strangers, Trains Not Subway

Public Transportation