Girl on cell: Ugh, so I’m headed to the subway now. I just had to do this job where we were working with a construction crew so of course they were like “let’s give the bull dyke all the construction work.” And I’m like, I don’t know how to fucking use power tools.
–5th Ave & E 39th
Nerdy high school girl: I got a B+ on my freaking Holocaust essay. How gay is that?
–Q17 bus, Flushing
Overheard by: Lisa Berlin
Queerspotter: He’s so far inside the closet, he’s in Narnia.
–11th between 1st and A
Overheard by: Vinny C.
Drag queen: There are only two lesbian bars in New York, and that is because there are only five lesbians who tip.
–xl, 16th & 9th
Overheard by: Nick Salvato
Queer #1: Do you know anyone named Jonathan who is here tonight?
Queer #2: I know five Jonathans who are here tonight. Why?
Queer #1: Because this guy named Jonathan just came up and started making out with me and then left.
Queer #2: That sounds like all five Jonathans.
–View Bar, 22nd & 8th
Queer #1: So the whole time you were married you weren’t going out with men?
Queer #2: Nope.
–Bleecker & 6th
Chick: I’m going to get some popcorn. Do you want anything to eat?
Queer: Nah, no thanks.
Chick: So just my vajayjay then?
Queer: Yep, thanks.
–Lincoln Square Theater, 68th & Broadway
Overheard by: Jas
Girl #1: I’m scared that I’m going to wake up one morning and be a lesbian.
Girl #2: Jesus, we’re in public.
–Rose Hill, Fordham University
Tall guy: Dude I swear to god, I was on my bed with this mad hot chick and we were making out for like a whole hour…
Short guy: Yeah? Did you put it in?
Tall guy: No…you don’t understand…I was feeling her down there, and she…duuuuuude…she had a cock!
Pause
Short guy: Yeah? Did you put it in?
–L’Express
Overheard by: John Eckstein
Hipster guy on cell: So you like the kid more than the pussy?
–15th & Washington Sq. W
Overheard by: Joelseph Galasso
Queer: This place is way gayer than last time.
–XL, West 16th street
Overheard by: straight girl
Dude: I’ve fired 3 people in the last 2 weeks. One girl was fat. But she didn’t know it. She would come into work with her belly falling out of her shirt. I just couldn’t take it anymore.
–NYSC, 38th & Broadway
Overheard by: Aimee
