At Least Wednesday One-Liners Can Cook

Drunk college girl: I don’t mean to have sex with ugly guys but more often than not…

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Lo

Thuggish dude on cell: … You want to look in the mirror and be like ewww, while everyone else looks at you and is like, ooh, you know what I’m saying? When I wake up in the morning and I look in the mirror I think to myself shit, I am one ugly motherfucker, how the hell do I get so many bitches?

–7 Train

Overheard by: Andrea

Dumpy man waiting on line: I didn’t know court was a beauty contest for ugly women.

–Downtown NYC Courthouse

Man fighting with random woman on train: You’re as ugly as the tip of my dick!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Marlon B

Teenage girl to group of friends: Oh! Did I tell you *Jessica had her baby? Yeah, that shit ain’t ugly.

–Cobble Hill

Loud girl: Omigod I’m soooo pissed! Like, she’s so ugly. Much uglier than me. And you know on Halloween, if I hadn’t been bleeding from my vagina and puking in a bowl he would have hooked up with me instead.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: I was puking in a bowl when I heard this too

Posted on June 24, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Beauty, Blood & bleeding, Brooklyn, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Drunks, Fat People, Fordham, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Holidays, Insults, Lower Manhattan, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Physical appearance, Questions, Sex, Sorority Girls, Teens, Thugs, Vagina, Vomit, Weirdness

A Burr Under His Saddle

Tourist dad: Look, Alexander Hamilton.
Tourist son: He was young.
Tourist dad: Yeah, wonder what he died of?

–Rector St, by Trinity Graveyard

Overheard by: DTA Officer

Posted on June 24, 2015
Age/Aging, Dads, Death, Default, History & Geography, Kids, Questions, Stupidity, Tourists, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Or a Very Kinky Odyssey of the Mind Event

Guy #1: Whose job is it to mix up the Rubik’s Cube for those competitions?
Guy #2: You mean, like a Rubik’s Cube fluffer?
Guy #1: That’s a good name for a band.

–MoMA

Posted on June 23, 2015
Guys, MoMA, Questions

That Never Stopped the Beatles from Putting Out Albums

NYU guy: You saw Notorious? How was it?
NYU girl: I didn't even know I was going to a movie, I thought we were going to a concert.
NYU guy: He's dead, you know.
NYU girl: Well, now I know.

–Uptown 6 Train

Posted on June 23, 2015
Death, Frat Boys, Movies, Music, On the Subway, Questions, Sorority Girls

Who Wednesday One-Linered Mr. Burns?

Black 30-something man: And she said, "Nigga, you wanna fuck mah titties wit a gun?"

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Amanda R.

10-year-old boy, very loudly, to 10-year-old girl: Oh, yeah, well…how many guns have you ever held?

–5 Train

Middle aged white man in shorts: Anyone awake at 2 am should be shot!

–LIRR

Overheard by: L.C.

Street performer, trying to move crowd: Okay, let's try this! White people, we are not dangerous! (lifts shirt, pats down sides) We are unarmed! Step closer!

–W 45th & 5th

Man on phone: Right. Right. Wait, what? (in shock) He don't got a gun? Well, he has to have a gun! What kinda game do you think this is?

–J Train

Army dude to friends: People shoot at me every once in awhile. Do I get tipped? No, fuck tips!

–Havanna's Bar

Posted on June 23, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Friends, Guys, Insults, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penn Station, Questions, Race, Rack, Sex, Shoot, Should've Used a Condom, Stupidity, Time, Trains Not Subway, Vendors & Street Performers, Weapons, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People

…Backwards

College girl, to mumbling Persians: What language are you speaking? I’m just curious…
Persian college student: Well, that was English…

–Elevator, NYU Dorm

Posted on June 22, 2015
Default, Elevators, Foreigners, Language Barrier, NYU, Questions, Sorority Girls, Students

Who Needs a Television When You've Got the City?

(a soprano is singing an opera aria in her apartment on the 4th floor)
Random man on street (screaming up to the window): Girl, you're not even gonna sing the high note?! Pussy!
Soprano (screaming out the window): Everyone's a fucking critic!

–Inwood

Posted on June 22, 2015
Default, Insults, Music, Musicians, Questions, Singing, Strangers, Washington Heights and Inwood, Women

And New York Public School Doesn't Count

Teenage sister: When was the last time you were in an opium den? Huh? You wanna tell me?
Preteen brother: Uhh…
Teenage sister: Shhh! Don't speak!

–Times Square

Posted on June 22, 2015
Brothers, Hard Drugs, History & Geography, Questions, Teens, Times Square

That You're a Douchebag?

Store clerk to ice cream delivery guy: So you a Yankee fan? You excited?
Delivery man: Nah, I'm actually a Phillies fan. These last two weeks it's like I'm the only white guy in a KFC, know what I'm sayin'?

–Astoria

Overheard by: Arun

Posted on June 21, 2015
Astoria, Clerks, Coworkers, Jobs & Careers, Questions, Race, Yankees

Questions