Who Wednesday One-Linered Mr. Burns?

Black 30-something man: And she said, "Nigga, you wanna fuck mah titties wit a gun?"

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Amanda R.

10-year-old boy, very loudly, to 10-year-old girl: Oh, yeah, well…how many guns have you ever held?

–5 Train

Middle aged white man in shorts: Anyone awake at 2 am should be shot!

–LIRR

Overheard by: L.C.

Street performer, trying to move crowd: Okay, let's try this! White people, we are not dangerous! (lifts shirt, pats down sides) We are unarmed! Step closer!

–W 45th & 5th

Man on phone: Right. Right. Wait, what? (in shock) He don't got a gun? Well, he has to have a gun! What kinda game do you think this is?

–J Train

Army dude to friends: People shoot at me every once in awhile. Do I get tipped? No, fuck tips!

–Havanna's Bar

Posted on June 23, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Friends, Guys, Insults, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penn Station, Questions, Race, Rack, Sex, Shoot, Should've Used a Condom, Stupidity, Time, Trains Not Subway, Vendors & Street Performers, Weapons, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People

…Backwards

College girl, to mumbling Persians: What language are you speaking? I’m just curious…
Persian college student: Well, that was English…

–Elevator, NYU Dorm

Posted on June 22, 2015
Default, Elevators, Foreigners, Language Barrier, NYU, Questions, Sorority Girls, Students

Who Needs a Television When You've Got the City?

(a soprano is singing an opera aria in her apartment on the 4th floor)
Random man on street (screaming up to the window): Girl, you're not even gonna sing the high note?! Pussy!
Soprano (screaming out the window): Everyone's a fucking critic!

–Inwood

Posted on June 22, 2015
Default, Insults, Music, Musicians, Questions, Singing, Strangers, Washington Heights and Inwood, Women

And New York Public School Doesn't Count

Teenage sister: When was the last time you were in an opium den? Huh? You wanna tell me?
Preteen brother: Uhh…
Teenage sister: Shhh! Don't speak!

–Times Square

Posted on June 22, 2015
Brothers, Hard Drugs, History & Geography, Questions, Teens, Times Square

That You're a Douchebag?

Store clerk to ice cream delivery guy: So you a Yankee fan? You excited?
Delivery man: Nah, I'm actually a Phillies fan. These last two weeks it's like I'm the only white guy in a KFC, know what I'm sayin'?

–Astoria

Overheard by: Arun

Posted on June 21, 2015
Astoria, Clerks, Coworkers, Jobs & Careers, Questions, Race, Yankees

I May Lie in Court But Never on My Profile

Thug #1: Aw, damn! Look who just got out of jail!
Thug #2: Wassup? Wassup?
Thug #1: How you feel?
Thug #2: Free as a bird, just like it says on my MySpace.

–Starbucks, Park Slope

Posted on June 21, 2015
Default, Myspace, Park Slope, Prison, Questions, Starbucks, Thugs

If This Were a Movie, They'd Go on to Form This Season's Unlikeliest Friendship

Hobo to teen girl with an Abercrombie & Fitch t-shirt: Fitch…Fitch… How can you wear a shirt like that? Multimillion dollars…when there's so many bigger problems? Stupid…stupid.
Girl: Um, excuse me?
Hobo: How much they pay you to wear that around?
Girl (with attitude): Four. Thousand. Dollars.
Hobo: I..
Girl (interrupting): An hour.
Hobo: Oh, okay, understandable.

–Central Park

Overheard by: heygirlhey

Posted on June 21, 2015
Central Park, Clothing, Hobos, Money & Class, Questions, Stupidity, Teens

You Should at Least Stop Tearing Guys’ Cocks Off

Teen dude: So you wouldn’t?
Teen girl: Hell no! I’d break up with any dude who’d had his cock torn off and reconstructed using part of his thigh! That shit ain’t natural.
Teen dude: That’s so shallow.

–Union Square

Posted on June 21, 2015
Breaking Up, Default, Girls, Guys, Penis, Questions, Surgery, Teens, Union Square and East Village

But If You Need a Place to Pee Discreetly…

Little girl: Why are there coins in the fountain?
Jaded mom: People throw them in there because they think it will bring them good luck. But really, they're just making a mess. So, no, you may not throw any in the fountain.

–The Met

Posted on June 20, 2015
Kids, Moms, Money & Class, Parents, Questions, The Met

Oh, and the University!

Man: So, what's your name?
Waitress: Jessica.
Man: Well, hello Jessica! I'm Brown.
Waitress: (nods head uninterested)
Man: Like the bear.
Waitress:(walks away)

–Bar, 34th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: MMM

Posted on June 20, 2015
Animals & Nature, Baristas, Bars & Clubs, Compare/Contrast, Customers, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Names, Pick-up Lines, Questions

Questions