Drunk girl: I'm totally into “Wham, bam, thank you mam.” People think it's trashy but I just wanna get mine.
Less drunk girl: I like to have relationships, make them work for it. I mean, what do you get out of a one-night-stand?
Drunk girl: One time I stole the guy's watch.
–LIRR
Student #1: You coming to the Sigma Nu party tonight?
Student #2: Nah.
Student #1: Why not?
Student #2: I’m not a big fan of the letter Nu.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Lo
Guy: Yeah, that was the night I pissed all over his walls.
–Fanelli’s, Prince & Mercer
Overheard by: hjane
Dude: I think she’s pretty cool, even though she tried to pee on me that one time.
–Rumours, 55th & 8th
Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson
Girl on cell: …Well, I was, until he peed his pants. It was all downhill from there.
–Upper East Side
Overheard by: kelsey
Guy on cell: She got pissed on… So do I. I guess if she can survive another two months… How much damage do you think he can do?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Al E Ro
Guy entering bank: Fuck that dragworm! It’s my bank! I’m gonna give him a tip because he stepped in front of me to hold the door? Fuck that! It’s like if I was gonna piss and he knocked my hand aside to grab my dick.
–Washington Mutual
Female MTA employee: I ain’t seen you in forever! Did you start working nights again?
Male MTA employee: Yeah… It was alright. But then I got bored, so I started watching soap operas again. I can’t believe Tad still looks the same.
Female MTA employee: Shit, you like him?
Male MTA employee: Hell yeah, I’m OG.
–4th Ave & 9th St station
Overheard by: Tacologic
College woman: Did I tell you? I got my lip gloss today!
Friend: Oooooh, from where?
College woman: Dubai.
–Barnard College
Overheard by: graduating soon….
Male tourist #1, pointing to Empire State Building: What building is that?
Male tourist #2: The Empire State Building.
Male tourist #1, pointing to MetLife Tower: There's Big Ben.
–23rd St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Slufoot NYC
Thug: Yo, I need to get this shit cashed.
Clerk: Do you have an account, sir?
Thug: Yeah, but I ain’t got my card or my number.
Clerk: Sir, I need your social security number, then.
Thug: Aight, hold up. [Pulls out phone] Hey, Mommy, what’s my social again?
–Chase Bank, Broadway & Houston
Overheard by: Tabitha
Suit #1: So I don't get it: if he got her a card, why is she mad.
Suit #2: (muffled reply)
Suit #1: He did what?
Suit #2: She was getting ready to go out and he lodged the card in the crack of her ass…
–Pen Station
Girl to another, loudly: Oh my god! Where the fuck were you this morning? I was about to text you, but I realized you couldn't text. And I couldn't text either! And you wouldn't pick up your phone! And I needed to talk to you! But I couldn't reach you! So I just like fucking sat there and screamed for ten minutes!
–B9 Bus
20-something male to friend: I am so MIA right now. I am MIA. Like, I text you, but I am MIA. Like, so many people send texts to me, and I'm just MIA.
–Downtown 6 Train
Overheard by: dallas
Girl leaving movie: Well, I'm sure she'll send out a mass text the second she has her baby.
–AMC Theater 19th & Broadway
Overheard by: Julie
20-something to another: Tiffany, I know I left Jason at the altar…but why didn't he text me back?
–1849 Bar, MacDougal & Bleecker
Laughing hobo to another: That is the funniest joke I've ever heard! You have to text that to me!
–St. Mark's Church, 2nd Ave & 9th St
Overheard by: cody
