Columbia student volunteer: So, who knows what soy milk is?
Fourth grade girls: [Silence.]Columbia student volunteer: Well, soy milk tastes like milk, but it’s made with beans.
Fourth grader: Hold the phone — beans has titties?
–P.S. 125
Overheard by: alexandra
Boyfriend: Well, what cup size are you?
Girlfriend: I'm like an A and a half and a B and a half…it sucks.
Boyfriend: So…that's a full AB plus one.
Girlfriend: You know you can't combine unlike terms!
–32nd St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Kimberly
Man: Oh, so she’s genuinely deluded?
Woman: Yeah, she’s not just in denial.
–Bleecker Street station
Overheard by: Brooklyn Blade
Customer to woman behind fish counter: Are you Italian?
Woman behind fish counter: No. I get accused of being Italian a lot. I'm just Jewish.
–Zabar's, Upper West Side
Overheard by: zabarian
Tourist #1: How about Italian?
Tourist #2: You know there are perfectly good Italian restaurants back home in Wisconsin. You don't go to New York City for the food.
–42nd & 6th
Overheard by: John
Columbia guy: So why haven't you had sex with him yet?
Columbia girl: Well, he wants our first time to be special, but that's the last thing I want in sex! I mean, it's gonna be awkward anyway, so we might as well get it over with!
–1 Train
Subway girl in Halloween costume: I was thinking about going as Rosie the Riveter, but, like, girly Rosie the Riveter. In shorts.
–A Train
Trying-to-be-hip mom: What are vampires wearing this season?
–Halloween Adventure
Group of kids in costume, chanting: We want more candy! We want more candy! No more apples! No more apples!
–35th Ave & 29th St, Astoria
Overheard by: kathcom
Man dressed up as Michael Jackson on Halloween: I'm the King of pop, man! I'll touch your children! I'll hang your baby off a balcony!
–Downtown 6 Train
Late-night Halloween-reveler man with dirty cotton beard: I'm Santa. I'm drunk and I'm angry. Fuck balls. Reindeer balls.
–Downtown 6 train
Guy dressed as Billy Mays, in loud infomercial voice: Billy Mays here! Sick and tired of waiting for NJ Transit? Next time, drive! For the low, low price of $20 per toll! Just $4.69 per gallon!
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: J. Ra
Old man to another, about Halloween: I love young girls who dress up like pussies.
–Soho
Overheard by: Edan
Girl: So, my dad friended me on Facebook the other day, and I was like “shiiit! Limit profile view!”
Guy #1: Are there that many incriminating things on your profile?
Girl: Not really.
Guy #2: So dad's not going to be attending Diane's “get drunk and dance” party?
–Downtown 1 Train
Man pushing stroller: Do we have a bottle?
Bitchy wife: No, we have my breasts.
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: Aaron Padwee
Headline by: Danny
Runners-Up:
· “I Can’t Beat You With Those” – Digeridude
· “I Meant for the Baby.” – thisdaydreamer
· “Shall I Preheat Them For You?” – Mike Curry
· “They’re in the Diaper Bag” – Bri
· “Well Pop a Top, Beeyotch!” – Pozo
Drunk girl: So I wouldn't ask you this if I were sober, but I just have to ask. When you…yunno…are you generally the…penetree, or the…penetrant?
Gay guy: Uhm, you mean, the penetrated or the penetrator?
Drunk girl, laughing: Oh, right. Well. Damn. I mean, gay sex is supposed to be better in France, right?
–Kittichai Restaurant
Overheard by: Brandy
