Lifestyles Of the Wednesday One-Liners

Concerned teacher: Where is Ronald Reagan? Who took Ronald Reagan?

–ACORN High School for Social Justice

Middle aged lady to companion: Ronald McDonald has his nose up Hello Kitty's dress.

–Macy's Balloon Inflation before Thanksgiving Day Parade

Hobo: If you ever touch Halle Berry, I'll fucking smack you!

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Margot

Girl yelling to friend getting out of cab: Get back here before I bite you in the face like Chris Brown!

–St. Mark's Place & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Janelle

Stoner, as credits roll for movie Push: Dude…fuck Dakota Fanning!

–Palace Theatre

Guy: But come on, it's the Jonas Brothers in 3-D. It's like pimples and eyebrows, comin' at'cha!

–E 17th St

Overheard by: the Big R

Happy-go-lucky hobo: Liza Minelli? I thought that bitch was dead. (singing at the top of his lungs) I want to be a part of it…New York, New York!

–47th & 7th

Overheard by: Jesse Cromer

Posted on April 1, 2009
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Bryant Park, Clothing, College, Compare/Contrast, Death, Friends, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Insults, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Music, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, President, Questions, Singing, Stoners, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Theater, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Weirdness, Women

Recession What?

Two-year-old boy: Do you want to see my BlackBerry?
Babysitter: You have a BlackBerry?
Two-year-old boy: Yeah! I have a BlackBerry!

–Lincoln Center

Posted on March 31, 2009
Blackberry, Girls, Kids, Questions, Should've Used a Condom, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wishes & desires

You'd Better Not Be Writing Your Novel in There!

Man outside stall to presumed child: Okay champ, have you done your business in there?
Very deep voice from stall: Still working on it, thanks!

–Men's Room, Grand Central Station

Posted on March 31, 2009
Grand Central, Kids, Men, Poop, Questions, Strangers, Weirdness

We Have Either the Bible, Marie Claire, or a Book Of Crossword Puzzles

Sales associate #1, assisting a customer: Are there any good thrillers in paperback?
Sales associate #2: No.

–Grand Central Terminal

Overheard by: Jake E

Posted on March 31, 2009
Books & Writing, Coworkers, Grand Central, Questions

Wednesday Is Gin Day.

Drunk hobo, eyeing designer bottled water: Hey lady, is that all vodka?
UES lady, without missing a beat: Not this morning.

–4 Train

Overheard by: austin

Posted on March 30, 2009
Drinking & Drunk People, Drinks, Drunks, Hobos, Homeless, On the Subway, Questions, Women

Tila Tequila Got Her Stage Name Early in Life

Young boy, about stumbling kid: What's wrong with her? What should we do?
Confident nine-year-old girl: It's okay, she just had too much tequila.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Stunned

Posted on March 30, 2009
Drinking & Drunk People, Fordham, Kids, Questions, Weirdness

A Similar Situation Occurred When Bush Left the White House

Woman, in line for bathroom: Is there actually anyone in the bathroom?
Man in front of her: Yeah.
Woman: Did someone die in there?
Man: I think the next person might.

–Starbucks, 2nd Ave & 9th St

Overheard by: the dead guy's girlfriend

Headline by: Nick Pollotta

Runners-Up:
· “Am I the Only One Fighting the Urge to Make a “Crappuccino” Joke Right Now?” – lauren beth
· “I’ve Heard a Lot Of Screaming From Inside” – KMW
· “Let’s Use the Bathroom Of the Starbuck’s Next Door” – Coyoty
· “M. Night Shyamalan Finally Hits Rock Bottom” – Nick Pollotta
· “Starbucks’ Experiment With a Grande Broccoli and Bean Chai Latte Ended Then and There” – Chris
· “Stephen King Is Running Out Of Material” – JohnAustin
· “The Birth Of the “Ladies First” Concept” – Morning Glory

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on March 30, 2009
Death, Headline Contest Winners, Men, Questions, Starbucks, Strangers, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Women

Giuliani Has Become Surprisingly More Compassionate Since Leaving Office

Man going into deli: Don't you have a sweater?
Hobo: Yeah, I got one.
Man: Well, put it on–you will catch cold.
Hobo: I'll put it on later.
Man: Put it on now, you cannot afford to catch cold in your line of business.

–181st & Fort Washington

Posted on March 30, 2009
Advice, Clothing, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Homeless, Jobs & Careers, Men, Questions, Weather

Lipstick Rings Around the Toilet Bowl Are Never a Good Sign

Young daughter to mother flushing toilet: Mommy! It says “do not flush.”
Mother: No, honey, it says “do not flush feminine products.”
Young daughter: What are “feminine products”?
Mother (after pause): Lipstick.

–Macy's Bathroom, W 34th St

Overheard by: Brin

Posted on March 29, 2009
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Kids, Moms, Parents, Questions, Store

Wow. Deep.

Daughter: Is that our bus?
Mother: No, that's a tourist bus, we're waiting for the city bus.
Daughter: Hey! Is that the Empire State Building? It's really tall!
Mother: It's not that tall.
Daughter: I never saw it before.
Mother: You never looked up.

–34th St & 7th Ave

Posted on March 29, 2009
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Kids, Moms, Parents, Public Transportation, Questions, Tourism

Questions