Lady #1: Osama doesn’t have a chance to win the election.
Lady #2: Osama? Don’t you mean Barack Obama?
Lady #1: No, not him.
–5 Train
Overheard by: E-Stuff
Lady #1: Osama doesn’t have a chance to win the election.
Lady #2: Osama? Don’t you mean Barack Obama?
Lady #1: No, not him.
–5 Train
Overheard by: E-Stuff
Guy #1: Why are hipster chicks so unattractive?
Guy #2: Because if they were attractive they would be accused of conforming, and then they might even have to get excited about something….god forbid.
–5 train
Dog owner to pup bugging drunk girl: Heel, dog, heel.
Drunk girl’s friend: Oh my god, what if that dog could actually heal you?!
–Outside Plug Uglies
Overheard by: Starkie
Dude: So I finally saw Lisa's* tits. Good stuff, man.
Friend: Yeah? Are they big?
Dude: Not at all. But it's better that way. A handful is enough.
Friend: So it's like nuts?
Dude: What the fuck?
Friend: No! I mean they say a handful of nuts is enough protein for the day! That came out totally wrong!
Dude: Whatever you say…Tinkerbell.
–67th & Columbus
Little boy: Mommy, mommy! Can I get a hot dog please?
Mom: No.
Little boy: Please? Why not?
Mom: Remember that time you drank your pee pee juice?
Little boy: But that was yummy!
–Time Square
40-something drunk Italian man in polo short and jeans: They tried to make me a made man when I was 16. Do you get what I'm sayin? I've got fucking connections. I know Duke. I know my brother. I know my dad.
40-something white man in jeans, Hawaiian shirt and long blond wig: No, but these people own the Bronx.
40-something drunk Italian man in polo short and jeans: Why do you have to be a dick? I told you, they tried to make me. I said no, but I still know my dad and Duke. If they try to hit you again, I got you. (yelling) Do you understand what that means? Made man? I was almost made!
–Tompkins Square Park
Tourist girl #1, looking at Statue of Liberty: I don’t get it.
Tourist girl #2: Don’t get what?
Tourist girl #1: Why a chick with a torch? I mean, honestly — what American came up with the idea of building a giant chick with a torch?
Tourist girl #2: Actually, it was designed by the French.
Tourist girl #1: Well, that makes more sense. They’re always putting up giant, crazy things. The guy who did this should get together with that Eiffel Tower guy.
Tourist girl #2, shaking head and sighing: Why am I friends with you?
–Circle Line Ferry
Overheard by: Kitty
Thug #1: Do you wanna watch The Real World with me?
Thug #2: Who’s on that show?
Thug #3: Just some crazy white people.
–Leon M. Goldstein High School, Brooklyn
Girl #1: Hey, what is the drug in Turkey that makes you sleepy?
Girl #2: Uhmmm, hashish?
Girl #1: You put hash in your turkey?
Girl #2: What are you talking about?
–1 Train
Overheard by: renee
Woman, about couple filing in for orchestra seat: What are those people doing?
Man: They're standing.
Woman: Oh, I wouldn't stand for an opera.
–Standing Room, Metropolitan Opera
Overheard by: Cheryl
