Wednesday One-Liners Have the City's Shittiest Job

Comedy club promoter: Comedy club, comedy club. Laugh until you get violent diarrhea!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Patrick

Comedy promoter to girl walking by: Hey, you like comedy? (girl ignores him) Yeah, you the strong, silent type… I like that in a woman.

–48th & Broadway

Overheard by: MsPrint

Comedy show ticket salesman on sidewalk: Comedy show! Free vibrators! New batteries!

–Times Square

Guy promoting comedy club to couple holding hands: Hey, what are you two doing tonight? …besides each other?

–Times Square

Comedy promoter: Want to see a comedy show? We've got free marijuana downstairs.

–W 43rd St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: Daniel

Posted on November 20, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, Couples, Dildos and Vibrators, Free stuff!, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Laughter, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, One-liners, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Sex, Strangers, Street, Theater & Dance, Times Square, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Wishes & desires

And the Time She Said I Had a Miscarriage?

Guy #1: No, man, she’s been lying for a while now.
Guy #2: I dunno, man…
Guy #1: It’s true. Remember that time I was like, “Hey, where’s your baby?” And she was like, “Oh yeah…I had a miscarriage.”
Guy #2: True. True.

–Pick a Bagel, 3rd Ave between 22nd & 23rd

Overheard by: Shannon

Posted on November 18, 2017
Abortion, Friends, Guys, Lies, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Store, Talking/Convos

And You Habitually Overeat

Girl walking down the street: Why do I feel so full?
Little kid: Cause you're drunk!

–Bleecker St, West Village

Overheard by: Diva

Posted on November 17, 2017
Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Kids, Questions, Sensory Experiences, West Village

I'm Starting to Care That the Girl Has an Orgasm

Girl #1: So wait… You have trouble orgasming?
Girl #2: Yes! It's like impossible for me to come through sex alone.
Girl #1: But fingering and oral works?
Girl #2: Well, yeah.
Girl #1 to guy friend: How ya hanging in there, Matt?
Matt: I need to start hanging out with more guys.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Posted on November 14, 2017
Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Hand-Jobs, Licking, Orgasm, Questions, Sex, Washington Square Park

Wednesday One-Liners See the World With Fresh Eyes

Little boy to dad: Does the Statue of Liberty have a claw?

–Battery Park

Little boy to mother: Will you hurry up? You're slower than my aunt Jebediah in the bathtub!

–Clark St, Brooklyn

Four-year-old boy to mother: And then you fed me…from your belly button!

–Old Navy Store

Overheard by: Joyfully Yours

Little boy playing with friend: Buenos dias, reptile!

–Astoria Park

Overheard by: Julie & Zane

Blond six-year-old, looking at father's New Yorker magazine: What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell?

–Doma Cafe

Seven-year-old with Spiderman backpack: Dad, have I lost my youth?

–1 Train

Little girl with pigtails, running to sit with family: We're going to the dark side!

–Sheep Meadow, Central Park

Posted on November 8, 2017
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Astoria, Battery Park, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Central Park, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Families, Family Ties, Film, Friends, Kids, Moms, Nicknames & name calling, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Statue of Liberty, Store, Street, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Are Molding Young Minds

English teacher: Class, I’d like you to remember where the line is. It is always moving, and it is determined by me.

–Bronx Science

Overheard by: HJWC

English teacher: I rose up into the air and flew out the window… You didn’t notice this?

–Hunter College High

Overheard by: stupid english student

Old teacher: Okay, there are three rules in this classroom, and I am completely serious. Number one, no swearing. Number two, no scuffles. Number three, no sex until 3:20 when you can do what you want.

–Grace Church School

Teacher: I’m a huge fan of bathroom stall graffiti! My favorite from this school is in the third floor bathroom: ‘If you can read this, you are pooping.’

–Bard High School Early College

Teacher to another: You are a hemorrhoid in my ass.

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Julie

Health teacher: Drug abuse is a symptom of suicide.

–Hunter College High

English teacher: The next scene is about sex, so pay attention. You might learn something.

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Julie

Posted on November 2, 2017
Advice, Ass, Bronx Science, Classroom, College, Default, Drugs, Education, Etiquette, Hunter, Illness, Insults, Offers and requests, Old People, Poop, Questions, School, School and studying, Sex, Stupidity, Suicide, Teachers/Professors, Time, Weirdness, Words

Does TV Count?

Dude #1: Everyone has or will take drugs at least once in their lifetime…
Dude #2: I don't know about that.
Dude #3: What about the Pope?
Dude #1: Trust me, he has or will.

–W 72nd St.

Posted on November 2, 2017
Drugs, Guys, Pope, Questions, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

He Won't Leave the House Without Product in His Fur

Salesperson to customer with small dog: You know that we now have pet products?
Customer: Yes, he's using them already.
Salesperson: Oh, he looks great!

–Kiehls, 3rd Ave & 13th St

Overheard by: David Feldman

Posted on October 25, 2017
Clerks, Customers, Man's Best Friend, Physical appearance, Questions, Store, Union Square and East Village

Tofu : Vegetables :: Dick Cheney : Humans

Veggie-curious girl: I like to get this really great dressing and then add all sorts of interesting vegetables.
Supportive friend: Like what?
Veggie-curious girl: Tofu!

–Rockefeller Plaza

Overheard by: receptionist

Headline by: EddieA

Runners-Up:
· “And Croutons!” – Vanessa
· “Gesundheit!” – Sandy Paws
· “If Regan Can Make Ketchup a Vegetable, Why the Fuck Not?” – Humberto
· “It’s the Other White Vegetable” – do2na
· “Sometimes I Get Crazy and Add Bacon Bits!” – Botticus
· “The Vitamin Deficiency Related Death Was Really No Surprise” – Proletariat

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on October 18, 2017
Food, Friends, Girls, Headline Contest Winners, Questions, Rockefeller Center, Stupidity, Vegetarian & Vegan

Questions