Wednesdays Feel Virtuous When They Don't Eat One-Liners

Weird hobo: Ladies and gentleman, I am a disabled Vietnam vet. I'm asking help from all of you so I don't wind up on the streets. While in Vietnam, I was exposed to Agent Orange, which caused me my disability–I became a vegetarian.

–Downtown 3 Train

Overheard by: An Amused Former Vegetarian

Aging hippie to woman spouting PETA propaganda: I've been a vegan for 30 years. You're embarrassing me. Why do you do that?

–F Train

Overheard by: AeC

Guy: Yo, I'm vegetarian now, I don't eat no meat, but man I love that chicken. That chicken just keeps comin' back to me!

–Manna's

Overheard by: eatinginharlem

Crazy-looking woman on bench: Oh my gosh, I was totally a vegetarian yesterday. Like literally, I ate no meat.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Meat Eater

Clueless 20-something female: Do you have another menu? I'm a vegan.

–Brother Jimmy's BBQ, 31st St

Posted on January 12, 2018
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Crazies, Food, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Hippies, Hobos, Nostalgia, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Parks, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Vegetarian & Vegan, War, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Toot Their Own Horns

Guy on cell: Guitars… guitarists, guitarists… drummers, yeah, any musicians… Girls, yeah! Girls!

–Prospect Heights

Suave European guy: I am playing the piano and the flute. At the same time. It’s a metaphor.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Librarianish-looking woman: He asked me if I wanted to blow his tuba, and I said, "sure!". It was amazingly harder than I thought it would be. And, he’s bringing his organ tomorrow so I can play with it.

–Battery Park Starbucks

30-something woman: My consultant was telling me I should try not to sound elitist. But that’s really hard for me. I mean, I have two master’s degrees and I play the violin.

–14th St & 1st Ave

Bodybuilder on cell: I’m thinking a harpsichord, a wig, and a whole lotta talcum powder.

–Chinatown Bus

Blonde high school girl: Grinding is as practical as playing the harpsichord was for Jane Austen.

–Upper East Side

Posted on January 11, 2018
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Battery Park, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Chinatown, Compare/Contrast, Education, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, Innuendo, Instruments, Music, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Questions, Starbucks, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Weirdness, Women, Words

Exactly.

Four-year-old girl, jubilantly: The letter y!
Father: Z.
Four-year-old girl: Good-bye.
Father: Four.
Four-year-old girl: What?
Father: Yes.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Christin

Posted on January 10, 2018
Dads, Default, Girls, Kids, Parents, Questions, Times Square, Weirdness, Words

Cerebral Cortex? No….

Sorority girl tourist #1, about photo of guy on camera phone: Look at this gluteus maximus.
Sorority girl tourist #2: Oooh, nice gluteus maximus. Hey, what’s with all the weird body part names, anyway? Gluteus maximus…
Sorority girl tourist #1: Vulva…

–34th & 8th

Overheard by: Dolores!

Posted on January 7, 2018
Ass, Beauty, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Default, Friends, Questions, Sorority Girls, Tourists, Vagina, Weirdness, Words

Yeah, He’s Still Allergic to Me

Guy: How were things with your ex last night?
Girl: You know… He threw up and started crying, so I gave him a hug. He got an erection, threw up two more times and passed out.
Guy: So, same old same old.

–E 51st, b/w 1st & 2nd

Posted on January 6, 2018
Crying, Default, Erections, Girls, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Relationships, Vomit, Weirdness

Virgins Exist?

Mom, reading about unicorns to ten-year-old son: The unicorn was a symbol of Christ, its head in the virgin Mary’s lap…
Son: Wait, wait, wait! Mary was a virgin?!

–Museum of Natural History, Mythic Creatures Exhibit

Posted on January 1, 2018
Animals & Nature, Boys, Default, Jesus, Kids, Moms, Museum of Natural History, Questions, Upper East Side, Virginity

Was It Hard to Learn All That Spanish?

Gap employee #1: What's your major again?
Gap employee #2: French studies.
Gap employee #1: Oh yeah, you're all into London and shit, right?

–The Gap

Posted on December 30, 2017
9 to 5-ers, Education, Global Geography, Questions, Store, Stupidity

Not About C through F, Though.

Concerned man to friend: So, wait, does girl A know about girl B?
Friend, nonchalantly: Yeah.

–Fordham & Crotona

Posted on December 25, 2017
Friends, Men, Questions, Relationships, The Bronx

…So Go Ahead and Make Your “Hardwood” Jokes

Slick guy: So, do the curtains match the carpet?
Hot bleached blonde: There is no carpet.
Slick guy: Oh.

–Starbucks, Times Square

Posted on December 22, 2017
Girls, Guys, Home, Sweet Home, Questions, Starbucks, Times Square

“It's Not You. It's Wednesday One-Liner.”

Screaming, sobbing middle-aged woman to man: Why are you doing this to me? Why are you doing this to me? We made beautiful love last night! Why are you doing this to me?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Laura

Angry woman on cell: You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me! We are done!

–147th & St Nicholas

Man on cell: I'm going to fucking dump that job, like girls dump me.

–45th & 8th

Girl on phone: No wonder he broke up with you, you are a pain in the ass!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Laura

Teen girl on cell: Are you fucking kidding me? You're breaking up with me because I didn't let you lick chocolate off my coochie? That shit's fucked up!

–Bloomingdale's

Posted on December 20, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Ass, Breaking Up, Compare/Contrast, Food, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Licking, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, Questions, Sex, Store, Street, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Questions