Chick #1 in stall: So Jessica*…
(loud hand-drier turns on for a few seconds, then off)
Chick #2, in adjacent stall: Yeah?
(loud hand-drier turns on again, then off)
Chick #1: So did I tell you about…
(loud hand-drier turns on again, then off)
Chick #1: So then I sucked his co…
(loud hand-drier turns on again, then off)
Chick #1: And long story short, I'm pregnant!
(loud hand-drier turns on again)
–Bathroom Bohemian Beer Garden, Astoria
Overheard by: SillyUrn
Frat boy #1: I feel like I just had sex.
Frat boy #2: Yeah, I know the feeling.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Commuter
Redneck guy: Hey, got an extra cigarette?
Hipster guy with hipster girl next to him: No, sorry man.
Redneck guy: Well, can I fuck her then?
–43rd & 7th
Overheard by: no, she's mine
Guy: I like it when people copulate onstage.
Girl: “Copulate?!” What are you, David Attenborough?
–NYU
Guy: I need to go to Europe more often, I kinda compare it to sex, I always come back more relaxed and a little more pleasant to be around.
Girl with him: Gross.
–6 Train
NYU girl to friend: I mean, I hate him and it’s making my hair fall out but I think our relationship really works.
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Man to friend: She wanted to go to dinner on some kind of date shit. I wanna bring her to a bar and fuck her in the bathroom.
–G Train
Overheard by: Sarah
Fat chick to friends: I don’t know. He moved. We weren’t serious, you know? I mean how can you be serious with a man who wanted to move to an Indian reservation? (friends nod in approval) I mean why would you want to move to an Indian reservation anyway? It’s like the projects… but in camp.
–Casa Mono
Overheard by: foodie
Girl on cell: Oh, so you really like this one. (pause) That’s cool, where did he take you? (pause) Wow, he must be balling! That place is mad expensive, yo. (pause) What did you say his name was again? (pause, then hysterical laughing) Girl, I can’t take anyone named Skip-to-my-Lou seriously!
–32nd St & 5th Ave
Boyfriend to girlfriend: Well, if I get sick of you I’ll just find someone else!
–Movie Theater, 32nd & 8th
Overheard by: Happy I’m not his girlfriend.
Guy on train: Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention? Sorry for bothering you, but I’ve been single for a year, and that shit’s not popping… So, any donations of phone numbers, e-mail addresses, or MySpace pages would be greatly appreciated. Thank you and may god bless.
–C Train
Overheard by: gretchen
Serious tween girl: I wanna get my braces off. I’ll be able to chew gum and be sexually active.
–1 Train
Old Italian man to young, really drunk Asian date outside of a restaurant: So, you wanna eat or you wanna fuck?
–17th & 7th
20-something girl on cell: So we get done and he’s like: "That was amazing. I don’t even want to know where you learned to do that." Is that a rhetorical question? Seriously, am I supposed to answer that?
–LIRR
Girl to friend: But I didn’t mean to have sex with him!
–Washington Square Park
Hot bald guy: I would have thought hurried bathroom-floor sex to have little ambiguity.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: McFreaky
Woman to mailman: I never reported my mailman, and I was banging him!
–68th St b/w Lexington & Park Avenue
Teen sister: You mean to tell me you don’t find something wrong with a 13-year-old and a 12-year-old having sex!
Tween brother: It’s only a one year difference.
Teen sister: That’s not the point! Aww fuck it, but you better wear a condom, cause if you wind up someone’s baby’s daddy, I’m not stopping the chick’s dad from kicking your ass.
–Madison Square Garden
Guy #1: Yo, there was a party and her sister was in the shower. I went in there and fucked the shit out of her.
Guy #2: That’s all I’ve been doin’ lately. Fucking.
–Downtown 2 Train
Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie
Man #1: She bitched at me this morning because we haven’t had sex in over a week.
Man #2: They don’t understand that we can’t turn it on anytime they want it.
Man #1: Face it. We have to get gassed up, start the ignition and drive. All they have to do is open the garage door.
–113th & Broadway
Overheard by: John Strybos
