Suit #1: So we’re getting really into it, and all of a sudden her roommate walks in and acts all normal, like nothing’s going on!
Suit #2: What do you mean?
Suit #1: They started having a fucking conversation! About the laundry!
Suit #2: Shit.
Suit #1: And I’m like, ‘Uhhh, lady, I’m in the middle of dicking this broad — can you stop talking about fucking dirty socks for a minute?’
–N train
Overheard by: Roger
Hispanic male hospital worker: You know what women hate? When men take forever and a day to finish. Let’s say the average woman likes five minutes of sex, but he keeps going and going and thirty minutes later she’s thinking, ‘Hey, let’s watch TV.’
Indian virgin hospital worker: We only like it for five minutes?
–Starbucks, 17th & 1st
Hipster chick: Do you think New Yorkers are mean, or are we just so jaded we’re not fazed by anything?
Hipster dude: I think it’s a combination of both.
Hipster chick: Because, well, my friend just found out he has testicular cancer, and he’s getting one of his balls removed on his birthday. And I thought that was hilarious. You know what else? Maybe New Yorkers are also whores — I seriously considered sleeping with him just so I could say I was the last person to see his left ball.
Hipster dude: That’s a bit soulless. But it’s also a little funny.
Hipster chick: See, really, if you think about it in the right way, everything is funny.
Hobo: You’re just a mean whore.
–Bedford & 6th St
Overheard by: Overheard in New York is based on that very concept
Guy #1: Yo, you know that girl Maria?
Guy #2: Which one, the one with the fucked-up eyes or the one with the fucked-up hair?
Guy #1: The one with the fucked-up bug eye.
Guy #2: What about her? Did you fuck her?
Guy #1: That’s right, I fucked her. Boom, boom!
–Uptown 6 train
Ghetto boy #1: My boy ain’t getting no pussy. No pussy at all.
Ghetto boy #2: And the pussy that he is getting is sick pussy!
–Broadway & Lafayette St
Hobo: Fuck you, you shits, you fucking assholes. I’m going to fucking kill you! Fuck you! Fuck you bitches! Fuck you and your mothers!
Queer #1: Oh no. No you did not just call me a bitch. You crazy homeless fuck.
Queer # 2: Mhm, get sassy on this bitch. Bitch deserves to be homeless. He should just shut his mouth and keep it movin’.
–Sheridan Square
Drunk southern sailor: Yo! Where can we get some punani? Dave needs to milk it! I have a girlfriend, and he’s got a girlfriend, but I’m throwing that to the wind and getting on it
Sailor #2: No way man, we’re in our whites.
–12th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: cp
Frat boy #1: Remember that pussy I was hittin’ a few weeks ago?
Frat boy #2: Yeah.
Frat boy #1: She’s in a coma now.
Frat boy #2’s girlfriend: That reminds me of that Smiths song, ‘Girlfriend in a Coma.’ Have you ever heard it?
–Virgin Megastore
Dude #1: If I was the last man on earth, I would die of exhaustion from banging too much!
Dude #2: If I was the last man on earth, I’d die of AIDS from banging too much.
–Battery Park
Overheard by: Rich
Headline by: Syd O
Runners-Up:
· “And his guidance counselor said he wasn’t goal oriented…” – Marc
· “Apparently the apocalypse is a lot like New York in the 80s.” – julian
· “But as long as there’s even one other man left, they’re both safe” – Not buying it
· “Either Way, He’d Be Fucked!” – Hobo Whisperer
· “How is that any different then now.” – Kaleena
· “If you were the last man on earth, we’d all be lesbians” – Tam
· “If I’m goin’ everyone else is coming with me” – Botticus
· “If you were the last man on earth, I’d die from banging my head against a wall” – Becky
· “It’s a catch simplex 2.” – Vin
· “Oh yeah? If I were the last man on Earth, I’d die of whatever killed the other guys!” – Chris
· “Only After All the Batteries Are Gone” – Lush
· “The Planet Of All Women Drivers, I Know How I Would Die” – berger inferno
Girl: That Susan’s such a whore.
Guy: Yeah, but wouldn’t you be?
Girl: What?
Guy: You know, hypothetically, if you could get people to sleep with you.
–11th & C
