Sex

Drunk southern sailor: Yo! Where can we get some punani? Dave needs to milk it! I have a girlfriend, and he’s got a girlfriend, but I’m throwing that to the wind and getting on it
Sailor #2: No way man, we’re in our whites.

–12th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: cp

Frat boy #1: Remember that pussy I was hittin’ a few weeks ago?
Frat boy #2: Yeah.
Frat boy #1: She’s in a coma now.
Frat boy #2’s girlfriend: That reminds me of that Smiths song, ‘Girlfriend in a Coma.’ Have you ever heard it?

–Virgin Megastore

Dude #1: If I was the last man on earth, I would die of exhaustion from banging too much!
Dude #2: If I was the last man on earth, I’d die of AIDS from banging too much.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: Rich
Headline by: Syd O

Runners-Up:
· “And his guidance counselor said he wasn’t goal oriented…” – Marc
· “Apparently the apocalypse is a lot like New York in the 80s.” – julian
· “But as long as there’s even one other man left, they’re both safe” – Not buying it
· “Either Way, He’d Be Fucked!” – Hobo Whisperer
· “How is that any different then now.” – Kaleena
· “If you were the last man on earth, we’d all be lesbians” – Tam
· “If I’m goin’ everyone else is coming with me” – Botticus
· “If you were the last man on earth, I’d die from banging my head against a wall” – Becky
· “It’s a catch simplex 2.” – Vin
· “Oh yeah? If I were the last man on Earth, I’d die of whatever killed the other guys!” – Chris
· “Only After All the Batteries Are Gone” – Lush
· “The Planet Of All Women Drivers, I Know How I Would Die” – berger inferno

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Girl: That Susan’s such a whore.
Guy: Yeah, but wouldn’t you be?
Girl: What?
Guy: You know, hypothetically, if you could get people to sleep with you.

–11th & C

Drunk queer #1: Hey, let’s get some food!
Drunk queer #2: I don’t have any money!
Drunk queer #1: That’s alright. Papi will pay…if you nibble his foreskin!
Drunk queer #2: Alright. Where do you wanna go?

–17th & 5th

Girl #1: I got kissed.
Girl #2: On your frickin’ gyne-box?
Girl #1: Yep!
Girl #3: You guys were in there long enough!

–Union St. and 5th Ave, Park Slope

Tween girl: Mom you’re not a tease if you give it up, you’re a slut. Jesse’s a slut, I’m a tease.

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: S-dawg

Queer #1: You are so gay.
Queer #2: I am not gay! Why do people keep saying that?
Queer #1: Well, you made out with Robert, and you slept with Jimmy.
Queer #2: Robert kissed me, I didn’t kiss him.

–Greenpoint

Girl:…Oh come on, it won’t be that bad.
Guy: Fuck no! I am NOT fucking your sister!

–Grand Central

Young boy, singing: I love you! You love me! We’re as happy as two can be!
Mother: I’ll show you how much I fucking love you!

–D train, Fordham Rd

Overheard by: horrified