Teen boy #1: I make the best scrambled eggs!
Teen boy #2: Nah son, I make the best eggs.
Teen boy #1: Ok, but when you eat my eggs… mmm… it’s like eating pussy.
Teen boy #2: Whoa! You crossed the line there.
–97th & Central Park W
Overheard by: SEK
Guy on cell: Of course I hate her! However, that’s not gonna stop me from fucking her.
–Park Slope
Girl: Your mouth is warm. Lick my face.
–Forest Hills
Overheard by: Sara R.
Man on cell: I don’t see what the big deal was. It was only a blowjob.
–Greene Street between Spring & Prince
Little girl on dad’s shoulders: Hmmm. Beer. I’m not really a fan of that anymore.
–Outside MSG
Overheard by: eric p
Guy on cell: Dude, I’m sayin’, it’s like every single time we have sex she is drunk! Sooo drunk… [Sighs.]
–Canal St
20-something chick on cell: Well, they do say alcohol solves problems…
–Houston & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Chris
NJ transit conductor: We are now approaching New York Penn Station. If you are traveling with any small children, the elderly, or drunk people, please escort them off of the train — maybe by the hand — because there is a wide gap between the train and the platform.
–Penn Station
Mom to wobbling little girl: Are you a drunken sailor? Drunken sailor, yay!
–Liberty St & South End Ave
Overheard by: julia
British girl to two friends: … And I knew he was drunk that night because he fell over.
–R train from Brooklyn
Overheard by: Mark
16-year-old girl on cell: So like, for Halloween my mom told me about this strip club we could go to…
–110th & Central Park West
Overheard by: sophie Balis-Harris
Drunk stumbling Yankee meathead to fellow meatheads: Yo! Let's get some fucking strippers! I don't give a fuck about my girlfriend! (pauses and looks around) If I drop any more beer on this woman… (spills half his cup on her back) Ah, fuck.
–Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: seat 12 section 23
20-something woman on cell: What, you had sex with that stripper?!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Liz
Drunk suit: Yeah…we did it up fo' my son's 18th birfday. He be graduatin and all this year, so we sprung fo' a stripper.
–Q67 Bus
Overheard by: Kate
Teen screaming into cell: Stripper. (pause) No, stripper!
–Little Italy
Dude: She sure had a wide ass.
Fat guy: Yeah, but I’d fuck her ’til the rest of her teeth are gone.
Dude: Yeah.
–1 train
Gay guy with fohawk: I was so drunk I had to leave. I was so afraid something was going to happen and I was going to wake up and be like, “shit! I fucked a girl!”
Girl: Damn!
–FIT
Teen #1: Is it legal for someone to fuck someone under 18?
Teen #2: Uh, I think so.
Teen #1: Oh, okay.
–7th & Broadway
Girl #1: No, dude, I’m telling you, all the men going to Paris right now are so gay.
Girl #2: Oh my god, that’s so not true. Johnny Depp lives there. Totally not gay.
Girl #1: Yeah, I guess…
Girl #2: Trust me, you’ll find someone to lose your virginity to there. I’m sure most of them are just, like, metro or bi, anyway.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Pam Jones
Preppy girl: I really loved that movie. I thought it was titillating… And not just because there was cock and balls. I don’t care about that.
–Third Avenue
Guy to self: Brokeback mountain… Starring Hillary Clinton!
–Herald Square Subway Station
Overheard by: Worst Movie Ever
Doofette: I mean like I know it got the Oscar and all, but I thought "No Country for Old Men" was pretty boring. I have to admit though the choreography was amazing.
–SoHo
Thug, peddling pile of DVDs: Ghetto Blockbuster! I am your ghetto Blockbuster! I got movies, CDs, porno. [Another group of customers walks in.] I got that action, comedy, romance and I got that pussy! I am your friendly neighborhood ghetto Blockbuster.
–24 Hour McDonalds, Water & Moore
Overheard by: BigKahuna&BigRed
Creepy hipster: You’d think you can’t have sex to "Silence of the Lambs"…
–Huron St, Greenpoint
Overheard by: sweetchuck
Dude on cell: If you like murder, you’re gonna love this movie!
–48 Bus
Train conductor: If anyone sees a blue and yellow backpack, please give it to the train conductor. Jason has a test and he needs to study.
–4 Train
Overheard by: heather
Random guy walking into the ferry station: I figured if I took the test high, I'd get high scores.
–Staten Island Ferry Station
Overheard by: mindy
Professor: These pop quizzes are like making love: you don't get any points for speed, you get them for accuracy.
–Psych Class, Hunter College
Overheard by: I completely agree
Undergrad: I don't even want to look at my art history midterm yet, but if I don't know how I did, I'll go crazy! It's like a Catch-66! Anyway, I'm going to head back to my dorm and put on some pants.
–Butler Library, Columbia University
