If We Never See Another Negro Pizza Fund Wednesday One-Liner Again, It'll Be Too Soon

Hobo: Can you spare a donation to the united negro pizza fund?

–120th St & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Mikey T

Hobo: Would you like to make a donation to the united negro pastrami fund?

–21st & Park Ave

Overheard by: Lawrence C

Hobo: Hello ladies, would you like to donate to the united negro pastrami sandwich fund?

–Broadway, SoHo

Bum on street: Please give to the united negro pizza fund.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Squid

Hobo: Contribute to the united negro pastrami sandwich fund!

–Prince & Wooster

Black hobo to tourists: Would you like to donate to the united negro pastrami fund?

–Bleecker & Leroy

Overheard by: Lynn

Hobo: Please give to to the united negro pizza fund. A pepperoni is a terrible thing to waste. (30 minutes later) What's the best nation? A do-nation!

–Outside Buddha Bar

Posted on September 10, 2008
Activists, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Guys, Hobos, Homeless, Junk Food & Fast Food, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, Penn Station, Pizza, Questions, Race, Soho, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Words

Betrayal Is My Anti-Drug

(Outside American Apparel)
Dude sitting on bench: How you gonna have me as one of your top 8 friends on MySpace and not hook me up with drugs?
Dude leaving store: Fuck you, nigga.

–Orchard & Houston

Overheard by: pink panties

Posted on September 8, 2008
Default, Drugs, Gripes, Guys, Insults, Myspace, Questions, Soho

And That Time It Led to an Accident!

Lady in car at full parking lot to man in car: Damnit, where we gonna park?
Man, getting his keys: Don't worry, I'm going to pull out.
Lady in car: Yeah, I've heard that before.

–W Broadway &Canal

Overheard by: Katers

Posted on September 6, 2008
Default, Men, Questions, Soho, Women, Words

Where in the Wednesday One-Liners Is Carmen Sandiego?

Guy on cell: I'm at the corner of West 4th Street and West 12th Street. Which sounds completely ridiculous, I know.

–Outside Cubbyhole

Girl on cell with boyfriend: Yeah, we got lost… We're somewhere in Yonkers.

–Bleecker & W 10th St

Loud tourist on cell: I'm in Rockefeller Plaza. Just look for a guy with a Starbucks cup.

–Rockefeller Plaza

Overheard by: linda

Blonde on cell: Yeah, I'm in the 'hood.

–SoHo

Overheard by: Ladle

Woman on cell, directing friend to find her: Do you see a really tall man holding an umbrella up high? I'm near a really tall man holding an umbrella. …he's very attractive.

–Concert on The Great Lawn

Overheard by: sternie

Suit on cell: Unfortunately I'm in the Financial District right now… Man, I wanna come up there and make love to both of you.

–Financial District

Posted on September 3, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Central Park, Directions, Girls, Guys, NYC Geography, On Cell, Rockefeller Center, Soho, Suits, The Village, Three is Company, Tourists, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, West Village, Wishes & desires, Women

Meet the SoHo Hos

Hipster girl #1: I'm so hungover, I just want to be hanging out on a roof somewhere drinking a vodka soda.
Hipster girl #2: I don't want a roof, I don't even wanna drink. I want to be laying under the covers with an ice pack on my vagina, sobbing.

–SoHo

Posted on September 2, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Hipsters, Sensory Experiences, Soho, Vagina, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

You Really Want to Go There, Little Miss No-Boobs?

Seven-year-old girl to her mom: I have more jewelry than you! I have more jewelry than you!
Mother: Like many things in life, this is not a competition.
Girl: Of course it's a competition!

–West Broadway & Broome Street, SoHo

Overheard by: And I thought people would be quoting me…

Posted on August 30, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Fashion, Girls, Kids, Moms, Soho

You Guys Are Becoming Chinks in My Armor

Construction worker #1: This place is expensive.
Construction worker #2: Ca-ching.
Korean store owner: I'm not fucking Chinese.
Construction worker #2: It's the cash register sound.
Korean store owner: I don't care, I'm not fucking Chinese, get out of my store.

–Canal & West Broadway

Overheard by: also not chinese

Posted on August 28, 2008
Construction Guys, Coworkers, Default, Global Geography, Insults, Koreans, Languages, Offers and requests, Race, Soho, Words

Undercover Cops Aren't As Savvy As They Used to Be

Guy selling purses out of a suitcase: Coach, Gucci, Prada! Purses for cheap!
Tourist lady: Are these real?
Crowd of shoppers: (no response)
Tourist lady (louder): Are these real?
Crowd of shoppers: (no response)
Tourist lady: Did you steal these?

–Canal St.

Posted on August 16, 2008
Default, Guys, Offers and requests, Questions, Soho, Thievery, Tourists, Vendors & Street Performers

Everyone's Had at Least One Crazy Wednesday One-Liner

College girl to her boyfriend: Yeah, but you always make sexual advances on my roommates.

–Lincoln Center

Serious student: Yeah, well, I really don't want to talk about my roommate's penis anymore.

–LaGuardia & Washington Square South

Chick to friend: It's not about the toilet paper, his roommate only used baby wipes.

–Spring St & Mott St

Overheard by: Nick Caylor

NYU kid on cell: I'm still hoping to live in housing next year unless my roommates find out that I got arrested.

–Mercer & Waverly

Young suit into cell: You pissed on my toothbrush!? What the fuck? Fine, I'll get you a new pouffe… Fuck you! Pink or purple? Just get me a new toothbrush! You know what kind! Always, right? The blue ones or the yellow ones? Well, did you get your period or no? Okay… Okay… fine… fine… fine! Look, I'll be home around seven, okay? (yelling) I don't care who you're fucking, it's your turn to cook! Right, fine, talk later, okay? (hangs up, to very attractive female companion) She's really just my roommate…

–82nd & Lexington

Posted on August 6, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Home, Sweet Home, Insults, Menstruation, Offers and requests, On Cell, Penis, Prison, Relationships, Sexuality, Soho, Sorority Girls, Students, Suits, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Square Park, Wishes & desires

…According to Martha Stewart Living

(movie set in SoHo)
Actor (showing where the fake blood stained his hands red): Man, if real blood did this it would be a lot easier to catch people.
Black guy: Man, ain't that the truth. A little hand sanitizer and that shit come right off.

–Houston & Sullivan

Posted on August 5, 2008
Actors, Black People, Blood & bleeding, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Default, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Soho

Soho