Man: I need a card celebrating the birthday of the Buddha.
Employee: Um, we don’t have anything specifically for that…
Man: Well, you should. You really should.
–Papyrus, Grand Central
Man: I need a card celebrating the birthday of the Buddha.
Employee: Um, we don’t have anything specifically for that…
Man: Well, you should. You really should.
–Papyrus, Grand Central
30-something black chick #1, trying on leopard print heels: I don’t know… I’m getting a serious whore vibe from these shoes.
30-something black chick #2: Yes, but it’s an attractive whore.
30-something black chick #1: Right… Whore is the new black.
–Upscale shoe store, Midtown
Little boy who picked Disney princess goody-bag instead of Superman: Look what I got, Daddy!
Father, to party helper: He also always chooses tiaras over crowns.
Little boy, proudly: That’s because I’m more into girl stuff than boy stuff!
–Deb’s Family Disco, Lexington Ave
Overheard by: Dancing Mermaid
Eight-year old posse leader to clerk: Nah, don’t look at me, man. Yo, I’m serious. Fuck you. I’ll shoot you. I’ll shoot you right now. I’ll shoot you in the face. You don’t beleeb me? I got a BB gun right now in my pocket. I’ll shoot you in the face, man. You know what? It’ll hurt. It’ll hurt, too, man. I’ll shoot you in your face. Right now. Yeah. [Takes big swig of Sprite.] Yeah. I’ll shoot you… In the face, yo. [Leaves with posse, flipping off clerk.]Customer: Wow.
Clerk: Yeah, they’re our future.
–Convenience store, 122nd & Lex
Overheard by: I just wanted some 40’s…
Girl: Last time you told me something was overrated I got pregnant.
–Sephora, Broadway
Overheard by: linzz
Guy: … So then she changed her middle name to something like "Afterbirth…"
–Spring St
Overheard by: boston bobby
College guy on cell: He was like, ‘Shit, she’s got a bun in the oven!’ And I was like, ‘Oh, shit!’
–Columbia University
Overheard by: roo
Chick: She said he talked to her on the phone and that’s how he got her pregnant.
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Overheard by: Wondering how that works
Preggers: I’m gonna across this street against the light, pregnant and all, and I’m not gonna have a miscarriage.
–Eastern Pkwy & Classon Ave, Crown Heights, Brooklyn
Employee to another: I only gained two pounds during my pregnancy, and I’m on my seventh month!
–Burger King, 5th Ave, between 36th & 37th
Overheard by: EE Grimshaw
NYU girl on cell: … So then the doctor comes in and he goes, ‘Houston, we have a problem…" I know, right? What’s with doctors trying to be all funny when they’re telling you that you’re pregnant?
–NYU bus
Overheard by: tj
Homely hipster girl: So, we went to that panties party on Saturday night…
Cute hipster girl: And?!
Homely hipster girl: I went home with Adam.
Cute hipster girl: Oooh, how was it?
Homely hipster girl: Ummm, it was okay, except he’s like, not circumcised. He’s European or Jewish or something. So, like, I didn’t know what to do.
Cute hipster girl: Weird. That’s like when women have pubes. It’s, like, gross. Who has pubes on their vag anymore?
Homely hipster girl: Girl pubes are really ’80s. But not, like, in a cute way.
–Dressing room, Urban Outfitters, 14th & 6th
Tourist man: Honey, why don’t we just go back to the room?
Tourist woman: Okay. We’re all going to calm down. We’ve done everything we can do. The police report has been filed. We’re all going to forget. We’re going to take a deep breath, and we’re going to move on. A new trip, a new beginning. Our new objective is to simply maneuver from point A to point B without getting mugged.
–Outside Urban Outfitters, 72nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Katie
Ragged old black guy with wad of cash in hand, teasing: You gonna let me cut the line, right?
Clerk: Please get on the end of the line.
Ragged old black guy: I’ma buy me that 250-dollar Blue Label up there. You gonna let me get on the front of this line, right?
Clerk: [Ignores him.]Ragged old black guy: 250 dollars for Blue Label for me to get drunk and run over some kids!
–Liquor store, 23rd & Park
Overheard by: Baby G
20-ish guy: Your glasses can’t be bad, you just got them!
20-ish girl: Yeah, but I cheated on the eye exam, so it’s really my own fault…
20-ish guy: … That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.
20-ish girl: I can’t help it, I’m very competitive!
–Kim’s Video, St. Mark’s Pl
Woman #1: Well, have fun in Vegas.
Woman #2: Thanks. I want to win big and get laid.
Woman #1: Well, use protection, honey.
Woman #2: Is that a new product?
–Macy’s Herald Square
