FAQsday One-Liners

NYU girl: It's a box, though… Can you FedEx a box?

–Starbucks

Overheard by: Elena

Tourist: So… Are we like, underground now?

–NRW Train

Overheard by: Stacey

Mom in toy store: Do you guys have any organic play-doh?

–7th Ave & Garfield, Park Slope

Overheard by: persiangroove

Teen tourist bimbo, looking at Rockefeller Center Christmas tree Swarovski tree topper: So, can we buy it?

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Kaitlen

20-something girl: Wait, so what's a blog?

–55th & 6th

Thug on bus on cell: Yeah, I just got on the bus. How will I know when it's the third stop?
(goes on to get off on the second stop)

–Roosevelt Island

Posted on April 21, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Bus, Clerks, Customers, Directions, For Sale, Girls, Internet, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Park Slope, Public Transportation, Questions, Rockefeller Center, Shopping, Sorority Girls, Starbucks, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Thugs, Tourism, Tourists, Trains Not Subway, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners

Duck: Just Fertilize Her Eggs, Already!

Man: You're gonna have to accept that if, say, we're having a romantic afternoon and we pass a hottie on the street, I will check her out, then have to run over, tackle her, dry hump her, and then run away from her, yelling, “I'm sor-ry!” I can't be held accountable for my behavior.
Woman: Yes, you can.
Man: It must be great to be a duck. No relationships. Just eating and living.
Woman: Ducks have relationships.
Man: No, they don't.
Woman: They're like one of the only mammals that have relationships.
Man: No.
Woman: I mean, at least they are couples, like they pair up.
Man: Yeah, but that's like just for the day.

–Central Park Pond

Overheard by: Jalmasy

Posted on April 19, 2010
Animals & Nature, Apologies, Birds, Central Park, Men, Psychology, Relationships, Stupidity, Time, Women

Who Hear With Their Fingers?

Guy to friend: Yes, Braille… It's for the deaf people.

–The Met

Overheard by: david

Posted on April 15, 2010
Friends, Guys, Handicaps, Language Barrier, Stupidity, The Met

Most Are Bilingual, You Know

Guy #1: Did you know eating pussy was a hispanic thing?
Guy #2: No, I did not.
Guy #1: I don't like that word, though. There are nicer ways to say it.
Guy #2: Sorry… “Latino.”

–34th St & Houston

Overheard by: Daniel Ezra Johnson

Posted on April 13, 2010
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Guys, Licking, Questions, Race, Stupidity, Vagina, Words

An Unlisted One

Blonde: Yeah… I still have no idea how he found out where I lived.
Uninterested brunette, filing her nails: Ummm, ever been to the yellow pages?
Blonde: No, I don't think so… Is that a new club?

–F Train

Overheard by: don't feed the model

Posted on April 8, 2010
Girls, On the Subway, Questions, Stupidity

Apparently Two Gays Don't Make a Straight

Drunk man #1: Oh my god, Lily Tomlin, man?
Drunk man #2: Yeah?
Drunk man #1: Yeah, really! Nine to Five? Awesome.
Drunk man #2: I didn't know.
Drunk man #1: Yeah, dude! She was in Blue Hawaii with Elvis.
Drunk man #2: I had no idea.
Drunk man #1: I wish I met her, man. She died right after she married Lou Reed.

–Grand Central Station

Posted on April 8, 2010
About Celebrities, Death, Drunks, Grand Central, Marriage, Movies, Music, Stupidity, Train Station, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners' Cocktail Hour Started Back in the Eighties

Cop to another: Are you drunk yet?

–Corner of 145th St

Frustrated-sounding NYU student to friend: Well, why don't you get a girl and you can just pretend she's drunk?

–Washington Square

Future rabbi: So my philosophy professor, Lenny Kravitz, told us we'll be drinking scotch in class tomorrow…

–4th & Broadway

Drunk black guy arguing on phone: Man, you need to stop drinkin'. Not only is yo speech gettin' slurred, but yo brains is gettin' slurred too!

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Ashley

Dude to friend: I swear to god, every time he gets a little buzzed he thinks he's Austin Powers.

–40th & 7th

Overheard by: thivnav

Posted on April 7, 2010
About Celebrities, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Cops, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Education, Friends, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Jews, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Music, Names, One-liners, Parks, Philosophy, Questions, Relationships, School and studying, Street, Students, Stupidity, The Village, Trains Not Subway, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Liners for Change

Black lady to family in obama t-shirts: You know how all those irish people have pictures of kennedy hanging up in their living rooms? Now we can do that too!

–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Definitely has a JFK picture in her apartment

Guy selling obama-themed condoms: Remember the election with every erection!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Mary Button

Black woman with a child in her stroller braiding her hair: There's gona be a lot of braidin in the white house.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Subway surfer

Woman on cell phone: Girl, if I can get to the front of the line at the vma's I can get to the front of the line at the damn inauguration. Shiiiit it's barack obama, girl!

–manhattan dental waiting room

Overheard by: Catherine

Stoned kid to a group of his friends discussing politics: You know what's scary bro? If obama gets assassinated, george bush is gonna be president again.

–1 Train @ 2AM going Downtown

Black man handing out metro: "get your obama metro! Get your obama metro! See, anyone can be president… I'm next!"

–59th Street, Lexington Ave

Overheard by: Yes we can!

Posted on April 7, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Condoms, Democrats, Erections, Families, Fears, Friends, Hospitals, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Paranoia, Pictures, Politics, President, Race, Stoners, Stupidity, Times Square, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Weirdness, Whole Foods, Women

Presenting the Fall Wednesday One-Liner Collection

Fashion photographer: That's a skirt? I thought it was a hat.

–Fashion Closet, Conde Nast Building

Indecisive woman to friend: I like this sweater in principle.

–Banana Republic, 86th & Broadway

Tween girl to mom: I'm not going to put my precious glove in the frickin' oven!

–Queens

Guy: I'm just saying, he doesn't dress like a bro.

–Astor Place

Irate girl wearing too much lipstick: That band really doesn't do him justice… I mean, I don't think he should have to wear a unitard. And she really shouldn't wear one, you know?

–6 Train

Overheard by: Wants to see him in unitard

Posted on April 7, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, Fashionistas, Friends, Girls, Guys, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, Queens, Questions, Store, Street, Stupidity, Times Square, Tweens, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Stupidity