Douchebag #1: Yo, let's see who can hang longer from the bars.
Douchebag #2: Naw.
Douchebag #1: Why not? You scared I'm gonna beat you?
Douchebag #2: Alright, fine, but I wanna wait until some ladies get on.
(train arrives at Union Square and some ladies get on)
Douchebag #1: Alright, let's do this.
(they both attempt to hang from the hand rails and immediately give up and let go)
Douchebag #1: That shit's stupid anyways.
–L Train
Overheard by: Jenni
Jersey man: Look, Houston Street!
Daughter: Daddy, it's “house-ton.”
Jersey man: Tomato, toe-mah-to.
Daughter: You're so bridge and tunnel it's disgusting.
–Houston St
Dude, to other dude with a small backpack: Is that the new backpack nano? What do you have in there, an apple and a bottle of water? You carrying acorns around in there? One package of skittles? An abridged copy of…The Old Man and the Sea?
Backpack dude: Do I really have to explain my backpack to you?
–L Train
Overheard by: ultra-condensed movies
Black guy (spotting a friend): Hey man, what's up? You know you one ugly motherfucka? (laughs)
Black guy #2: Dude, youse the ugly nigga. You've been one ugly motherfucka for ten years.
Black guy #1: You've been an ugly motherfucka since you was born.
(time passes, they talk in their separate groups of friends. Black guy #1 gets off train)
Black guy #2's friend: Yo, your ugly nigga just left.
Black guy #2: He is one ugly mothafucka isn't he? (laughs).
–1 Train
Girl #1: It's like, I'd rather he got hit by a drunk driver than shot by an idiot!
Girl #2: That's true…
Girl #3 (coming out of stall): Plus, you get more money that way…
–Restroom, The Blarney Stone Bar
Overheard by: Chrissy
Snobby woman to teenage girls talking: Decrescendo, girls. Do you know what that means? It's an operatic term for “lower your voices.”
Teenage girl: Actually, “decrescendo” is a musical term for “get softer,” and when you say get lower, you're actually referring to pitch, not volume.
–Metropolitan Opera Lobby
Overheard by: Maria
Girl #1: I didn't think that Newark was actually a place. I thought it was just an airport and a factory. But apparently it has, like, government-funded housing or something.
Girl #2: So, like, poor people?
Girl #1: Yeah!
–Greenwich Village
Girl #1: I used to drink Sprite all the time. Can't drink soda anymore.
Girl #2: So what do you drink now?
Girl #1: Sprite Zero.
–3rd & Lexington
Preteen tourist girl #1: I can't believe I'm walking down a New York street. I feel like I'm gonna get stabbed.
Preteen tourist girl #2: Oh my god, does that happen a lot?
Preteen tourist girl #1: Yeah, everyone in New York carries a knife.
–55th St & 5th Ave
Preppy guy: They say beggars can't be choosers, which makes sense, because we're choosers.
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Annie
Red Table change collector guy: Help feed the homeless of New York! All it takes is a penny and a heart, you fucking assholes.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Bemused
Girl to friend: I thought of you the other day; I saw a homeless man's penis.
–Lucky Jack's, Orchard St.
Overheard by: Argopelter
Horny dude (after being rejected by a girl at the bar): I asked her if she wanted a drink and she gave me the look that I give to homeless people on the subway.
–79th & Broadway
Guy to girl sitting at a sidewalk cafe: I know, what is with her? She dresses like a homeless person. And not Mary-Kate Olsen homeless but I-think-I-saw-her-passed-out-in-an-alleyway-with-a-heroin-needle-sticking-out-of-her-arm- homeless.
–10th St & 2nd Ave
Girl, to guy who has just spat on floor: Don't do that! Homeless people sleep there!
–6 Train Station
