Preteen tourist girl #1: I can't believe I'm walking down a New York street. I feel like I'm gonna get stabbed.
Preteen tourist girl #2: Oh my god, does that happen a lot?
Preteen tourist girl #1: Yeah, everyone in New York carries a knife.
–55th St & 5th Ave
Preppy guy: They say beggars can't be choosers, which makes sense, because we're choosers.
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Annie
Red Table change collector guy: Help feed the homeless of New York! All it takes is a penny and a heart, you fucking assholes.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Bemused
Girl to friend: I thought of you the other day; I saw a homeless man's penis.
–Lucky Jack's, Orchard St.
Overheard by: Argopelter
Horny dude (after being rejected by a girl at the bar): I asked her if she wanted a drink and she gave me the look that I give to homeless people on the subway.
–79th & Broadway
Guy to girl sitting at a sidewalk cafe: I know, what is with her? She dresses like a homeless person. And not Mary-Kate Olsen homeless but I-think-I-saw-her-passed-out-in-an-alleyway-with-a-heroin-needle-sticking-out-of-her-arm- homeless.
–10th St & 2nd Ave
Girl, to guy who has just spat on floor: Don't do that! Homeless people sleep there!
–6 Train Station
History genius: Was Bush president in 2002?
Friend: Yeah, he was elected in 2000.
History genius: Oh. (pause) So, if he gets elected again, he'll be president until 2016?
–V Train
Overheard by: Jordan
NYU boy #1: I'm getting a bowel movement just thinking about going in that club.
NYU boy #2: No, that's cuz you're drinking coffee…
NYU boy #3: Oh yeah!
–NYU Dining Hall
Overheard by: Maya G.
20-something male of questionable sexuality: That's such a cute dog! Hey, do you know where dogs come from?
Female best friend: Where?
20-something male of questionable sexuality: Wolves!
Female best friend: No way!
Male of questionable sexuality: Yeah!
Female best friend: How did that happen?
20-something male of questionable sexuality: I don't know. I think two really small wolves mated or something.
–42nd St
Overheard by: Maddie's Friend
Stupid black guy: I think with Martin Luther King Day coming they should completely end slavery.
Smart black guy: Mmmm…there hasn't been slavery in the US since Lincoln.
Stupid black guy: Oh, there's still slavery.
Smart black guy: Whatever.
–Duane Reade
Teen girl: Oh, I love your nose! What nationality are you?
Middle aged man: Pardon?
Teen girl: I mean, where were you born?
Middle aged man: USA.
Teen girl: What?
Middle aged man: The United States.
Teen girl: (looks confused)
Middle aged man: …of America?
–L Train
Student: Wait. A vaginal ring is one that you wear on your hand, right?
Teacher: No, you know the vagina, the never-ending tunnel?
–Stuyvesant High School
Young fashionable hipster girl #1: There's this piece of art, called Piss Christ.
Young fashionable hipster girl #2, interrupting: Oh! Is that the poop one?!
–Houston & 1st Ave
Dude #1: So she called me and told me to get home safe because it was really windy outside.
Dude #2: Damn nigga, it ain't like you paragliding home.
–Flushing
Overheard by: kam
