Guy: Hey, you’re limping! Did you run the marathon or something?
Gal: No, I fell doing a kegstand.
–Greenwich & Charles
Guy: Hey, you’re limping! Did you run the marathon or something?
Gal: No, I fell doing a kegstand.
–Greenwich & Charles
Large black man on cell phone: They did the deal with the diamonds, then the other guy got greedy and shot up the place.
–Union Ave
Overheard by: Seth Callaway
Teen, looking around: Where are we? Are we purchasing illegal arms?
–Turkish Restaurant, Montague St.
Overheard by: Mike N
Blonde chick in pink coat, perkily: … There was no exit wound, and no bullet.
–L train
Overheard by: Ladle
Girl talking to co-worker: I live near Wall Street and there are like army men down there with machine guns and it’s scary! How do I know they don’t have Tourette’s and won’t just start shooting their guns all over the place?!
–41st & 3rd
Older suit, calmly, to his two female coworkers: I’d like to put a gun to his head and say "Nickie do the right thing or I will blow your fucking head off."
[His companions nod in understanding.]
–Starbucks
Calm Jewish fraternity guy on cell: So, I’m being deported and drafted into the Israeli army… It’s okay, I’ll name my gun after you!
–NYU Waverly Building
Guy #1: Why did you cut your knish like you’re an Asian person?
Girl: Because I’m a jink!
Guy #2: Anna, you are one crazy cookie.
–Astoria
Man: I have never seen so many chinks in one Starbucks in all my life.
–Starbucks, Crosby & Spring
Overheard by: Jas
Guy: This is, like, the third time they’ve made me feel stupid in public. God, I hate Chinese people!
–Houston & Suffolk
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Teen girl #1: You know, the Special Olympics?
Teen girl #2: Special Olympics?
Teen girl #1: Yeah, Olympics for the retarded people.
Teen girl #2: You mean the wheelchair people that fight with each other?
–25th & 3rd
Overheard by: Alanna Higgins
Guy: I'm tellin' you, man. America loves cheese. No, seriously, dude. America loves cheese!
–Ace's, 5th St & Ave B
Cute 20-something guy singing while playing soccer: Bottles of cheese, bottles of cheeeeeeeeese…
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: i'd like a bottle of cheese
Girl: I'd rather have a turkey sandwich with cum on it than cheese.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Lindsay
Distressed female student: She's such a hard grader! She's like…a cheese grater.
–Queens College
Five-year old boy: But mummy, I want goat cheese on my french fries!
–St. Regis Hotel
Overheard by: Nonok
Girl looking at garbage and dirt spilled on the sidewalk: Gross. You think it’s supposed to be art?
–Broadway & Houston
Literature professor: So anything that anybody ever painted was a Guido?
–NYU Silver Center
Plausibly mad septuagenarian clerk: When I was 16 Stravinsky bought my first painting. It was written up in the paper. A couple of days later, I was kidnapped.
–Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Seth
Father to four-year-old son: Looking at art makes your legs tired.
–Metropolitan Museum Lobby
Philistine: I don’t like art in which you have to understand the motivation behind it.
–Outside the Guggenheim
Overheard by: Devoted Puppy
Professor-type man to group of teens looking at Greek sculptures: And if the sculpture’s back is up against the wall and you want to see it from behind, just get up against a wall and look at its ass as much as you can… yeah! It’s not dirty or wrong… Just look at its ass!
–Metropolitan Museum of Art
Girl #1: What’s cunnilingus?
Girl #2: It’s like when a guy blows you.
Girl #1: It’s a gay blow job?
–B44 bus
Overheard by: Sergey
Older guy: What time is it?
Younger guy: Tuesday.
Translated from the Spanish.
–91st & Columbus
Overheard by: Jane T.
Girl #1: Yeah, but the more time I spent in New York, the more I realized it's just full of hustlers.
Girl #2, extremely emphatic: Oh, yeah! Everyone I know in New York is a hustler! (long contemplative pause)
Girl #2: 'cept my cousin.
–Jet Blue Plane Taking Off, JFK
Blonde white girl to another: And I was all like, "I'm not throwing the baby over the fence!"
–Spring St
Overheard by: Maria Emma
Girl to mother: Oh, look at daddy with the baby in one hand and the bottle of bourbon in the other. And in the morning, too!
–Williamsburg
Condom vendor: Obama and McCain election special condoms! 3 for $10 and 1 for $5, all cheaper than a baby!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Aalok
Mom with stroller to friend: She's incapacitated already, so she might as well have his baby.
–6th Ave & 4th St
