Three-Piece Wednesday One-Liners

Suit on cell: Yeah, man, I’m so jealous. I mean, my holes have been full for years!

–Times Square

Overheard by: biting my tongue

Suit: I just met you. I can call you an asshole.

–Livingston St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Sean McGurr

Suit: Are you listening to me?! The Projects are not natural!

–125th St

Overheard by: Kerry & Bob

Suit: … So then I grabbed the vise-grips and got him by the lips…

–59th & Lex

Overheard by: I really hope he was talking about a fish

Suit on cell: … So he was going to build this underground tunnel to the road from his house. Like, an escape tunnel thing. No, he sold the street-legal side and handles the government contracting. Well, he couldn’t get the zoning for a tunnel, so he’s building a retractable bridge.

–55th & Park

Suit: I hate getting buzzed in the afternoon. It makes me feel like a craven bastard.

–Liberty & Broadway

Overheard by: Mondo Man

Posted on March 26, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Battery Park, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Etiquette, Government, Home, Sweet Home, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Paranoia, Questions, Street, Suits, Time, Times Square, Tourist Attractions, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Weirdness

We Took the Trail to Get Here

College girl #1: Which way to the Eiffel Tower?
Suit, puzzled, pointing East: That way?
College girl #2: How far is it?
Suit: … About three thousand miles.
College girl #1: No! No! [Makes peak with fingertips of both hands.] The… Eiffel… Tower!
Suit: Yeah, that way about three thousand miles — across the Atlantic Ocean — in Paris.
College girl #2, also making peak with hands: No! No! It’s a… It’s a… The Empire State Building!
Suit, pointing at looming Empire State Building: The Empire State Building is right there.
College girl #2: You have to excuse us — we’re from Oregon.

–45th & 5th

Posted on March 8, 2008
Default, Directions, Girls, Global Geography, Idiots, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Students, Stupidity, Suits, Tourists

That’s the Beauty of Keeping Everclear in the Supply Room

Lady suit: Did you bring that from the office?
Suit #1, holding up expensive pen: Oh, yeah, to look official. You know, for self-importance.
Suit #2: Yeah, self-esteem has been bad this week.
Lady suit: I think we need to go out drinking.

–Starbucks, 21st & 5th

Overheard by: maybe they could order a coffee liquer?

Posted on February 16, 2008
Default, Men, Offers and requests, Psychology, Questions, Starbucks, Suits, Women

Suitable Wednesday One-Liners

Handsome suit: He can totally clean my gutters anytime. He’s got the whole package.

–Exiting Sheraton hotel, 7th Ave

Suit on cell: It’s when someone urinates on you…

–19th & 7th

Overheard by: Golden Slumbers

Suit: No one ever wants any of my gum. It’s not poisoned! I might put something in your drink at a bar, though.

–A train

Overheard by: emilyc

Suit to another: That’s because all you eat is fully-cooked, non-contaminated food. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with it…

–24th & 6th

Overheard by: Angi

Suit holding sexual harassment pamphlet, to HR department: I have conquered sexual harassment!

–102nd St

Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.

Posted on February 13, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Suits, Talking/Convos, Wednesday One-Liners

I’m Nostalgic for a Time I Never Lived Through

Suit #1: You want to hear something really embarrassing?
Suit #2: Okay, what?
Suit #1: I’ve been listening to the Grateful Dead a lot lately.
Suit #2: Dude, that’s not cool at all.

–Annie O’s

Overheard by: Nicole

Posted on February 10, 2008
Music, Store, Suits

No, Thanks — I Had a Big Lunch

Excited suit: … So it was like ‘Bang, bang, bang!’ A whole gang of managers was driving the stock down!
60-something suit: Hmmm. Gangbang?

–200 Park Ave

Overheard by: Can’t Believe I Butt Her

Posted on February 8, 2008
Business and Commerce, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Suits, Words

It’s Good to Be Visible

Crazy guy: Happy New Year! Nice to see me!
Suit: Nice to see me, too.

–A train

Overheard by: Katie

Posted on February 5, 2008
Crazies, Etiquette, On the Subway, Suits

Besides, We’re Making Good Time

Suit #1: We don’t know where we’re going… Keep going straight?
Suit #2: We’ll figure something out…
Suit #1, two stops later: You want to get off, or go one more?
Suit #2: Let’s keep going — roll the dice.

–F train

Overheard by: Xavier

Posted on February 1, 2008
Directions, On the Subway, Questions, Suits, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Read Overheard in the Office

Conductor: Are you going to work? Are you going somewhere? Let us know by getting out of train doors.

–R train, Lexington Ave stop

Bartender swinging nipple tassels: Can you believe they wouldn’t let me do this at my old job?!

–Bar, Broadway, between 76th & 77th

Overheard by: Lezbotron

IT guy: I can break whatever I want, because I fix it!

–Office, 45th & 3rd

Overheard by: beans

I-banker to two others: He got the bonus for people that don’t get bonuses.

–Metro-North

Comedy club flyer guy: I hate my job, and it’s all your fault!

–Times Square

30-something hippie at show: 2008 is the year that I get a job.

–New Year’s Eve concert

Overheard by: Smash

Posted on January 30, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Bartenders, Conductors, Flyer people, Gossip, Gripes, Hippies, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Suits, Theater, Times Square, Wishes & desires

She Learned Her Lesson from the “You Kids Like Rape?” Guy

Suit to teen couple: You kids like drugs?
Girl: Um… Is that a trick question?

–Union Square

Headline by: MrCandey

Runners-Up:
· “Because I Only Trick for Cocaine” – ToddS
· “Like “Find America on a Map?” – Krisztina
· “Listen, Are You Getting In This Van Or What?” – gib
· “No, but Speak Closer to My Tie…” – Danny the Mullins
· “Worst Narc Ever” – samson

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on January 28, 2008
Drugs, Girls, Headline Contest Winners, Questions, Suits, Teens, Union Square and East Village

Suits