Businessman #1: Have you ever rode on the subway before?
Businessman #2: Yeah, last time I was here, we took it to a Yankee game. I think they were playing that other New York team, the Rangers.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Stef
Businessman #1: Have you ever rode on the subway before?
Businessman #2: Yeah, last time I was here, we took it to a Yankee game. I think they were playing that other New York team, the Rangers.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Stef
Suit #1: So, it was like a mafia meeting, with a bunch of guys sitting around eating sandwiches?
Suit #2: Nah, there were no sandwiches.
–Grand Central Station
Drunk girl: I don’t like god, he always tries to put it in my butt.
–D train
20-something man to friend: P.S. It was in the ass that I fucked her.
–3rd Ave
Overheard by: AdHoculi
Girl on cell: I mean, I don’t know if it’s because I like never do this or if it’s because it’s sooo big… But my ass is like really sore now! I mean, I can’t even sit down.
–UWS
Teenage girl on cell: You sound surprisingly perky for someone who just got butt raped.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: westchester girl
Young lady:… And then he jammed it in my shitbox.
–Livingston and Boerum, Brooklyn Heights
B&T suit on cell: You just have to level with her, dude. Just tell her that if she wants to land a husband in this day and age, she has to learn to like it in the butt.
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: David
Elegant lady on cell: I’m a powerful influence on the Kennedys.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Fat black man to white man who breaks his umbrella while trying to help him open it: Aw, hells no. Don’t make me go all Britney Spears on yo’ ass.
–Duane Reade, 57th & Broadway
Chick, to guy: Danny Pintauro hit on you at a leather club?
–14th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Ladle
Professor to class: … The ark of the covenant gone, only to be found by Harrison Ford later on.
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Krisztina
Barista to meathead: … That’s the thing about Drew Bledsoe. He smokes a lot of marijuana.
–11th & Bedford
NYU girl: I want to be Patrick Dempsey! So I could fuck myself!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Maya G.
Suit on cell: Dude, you’re dating Sigourney Weaver? Right now? Dude, are you kissing her? Are you grabbing her ass? Does she still have an ass at this point?
–66th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ken
30-ish suit: I don’t think you really like me, just the *idea* of me. You know, I come off great at parties, and I make a lot of money, but really…
20-something hippie girl: Wait, wait…I just wanted easy sex.
–Union Square
Suit #1: Paul and I just came back from Alaska.
Suit #2: Did you do the glacier walk?
Suit #1: Paul did. He took three steps and then came back in.
Suit #2: Only three steps?
Suit #1: Well, it’s icy.
–Javits Center
Suit #1: Dude, he’s SO strange. You know I walked passed his desk yesterday and he was researching stuff on his computer about religion. Some multicultural shit or something.
Suit #2: Woah.
Suit #1: Yeah, I know. [Pauses.] You know I bet he’s like one of those guys that dates a girl and calls her all the time and stalks her.
Suit #2: Totally.
–Starbucks, 30th and Park
Overheard by: Faetra
Cop: There are no downtown express trains! I repeat, there are no downtown express trains. If you have a problem with that, take it up with the President of the United States!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Trixie
Suit on cell: The problem with Canada is that it’s not the U.S.
–129th St, Harlem
Overheard by: Koen
Black guy on cell: Yeah, what is Condoleezza Rice, anyway? I think she’s Puerto Rican or Dominican. She’s definitely not American.
–Barnes & Noble, W 66th St
Black guy to white friend eating lunch: Ah, yes, the American dream: doing nothing while eating a sandwich.
–Stuyvesant High
Hobo: Thirty-two-gallon garbage can — who wants this beautiful 32-gallon garbage can? Made right here in the US-of-A! Come on, people! It’s an American product at Mexican prices. Now, what’s my first bid?
–4th Ave & Atlantic
Overheard by: Mike N
Large black lady on cell: I know, right? Osama bin Laden is like the Uncle Sam of America!
–CVS Pharmacy
Tourist suit: Excuse me, can you tell me where the Empire State Building is?
Guy: Just look up, man.
–32nd & 5th
Overheard by: still looks up
Suit #1: It’s not that I don’t like golf, but it is so similar to croquet, yet everyone makes fun of me for playing croquet!
Suit #2: Well, maybe it is because it’s an old lady’s sport.
Suit #1: Well, then goddammit — old ladies sure know how to have fun!
–59th & Broadway
