Thug: Yo, you saw that “Pirates of the Caribbean”?
Suit: Yeah.
Thug, laughing hysterically: That part where they’re on the boats?
Suit: Yeah…
Thug: I’m just sayin’, it was funny though.
–34th & 10th
Overheard by: I laughed, I cried…
Thug: Yo, you saw that “Pirates of the Caribbean”?
Suit: Yeah.
Thug, laughing hysterically: That part where they’re on the boats?
Suit: Yeah…
Thug: I’m just sayin’, it was funny though.
–34th & 10th
Overheard by: I laughed, I cried…
Young suit #1: Dude, you’re not even seeing her, so why does it matter what kind of underwear you wear?
Young suit #2: If I’m not wearing the right underwear she yells at me in front of the whole office…
–74th & Amsterdam
Big bald guy: No, no, you don’t have to be ordained to marry people at the show. Just put on the Pope robe if you want to marry people.
–Office Building, Hudson St
Guy: I took your advice, bro. I’m gonna marry her in a little over three weeks. But… I gotta get drunk first.
–Houston & Broadway
Overheard by: erin
Suit #1 to suit #2: Well, maybe she won’t sign the pre-nup and then you’ll be free.
–Wall Street
Black chick: No! No! Ain’t no one gettin’ lynched at my wedding!
–Food Dimensions, Myrtle & Broadway
Overheard by: off white
Woman on cell: The only time he gets to be himself is when he goes away and that’s the way he saves the marriage… Otherwise it’s "Mommy, I don’t feel well’ and ‘Mommy, may I be excused from the table."
–23rd St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Mugsy’s Moll
Goth chick on phone: He proposed to me while he was in me… Yea, well, I mean he told me after that he really meant it!
–Penn Station
Businessman #1: Have you ever rode on the subway before?
Businessman #2: Yeah, last time I was here, we took it to a Yankee game. I think they were playing that other New York team, the Rangers.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Stef
Suit #1: So, it was like a mafia meeting, with a bunch of guys sitting around eating sandwiches?
Suit #2: Nah, there were no sandwiches.
–Grand Central Station
Drunk girl: I don’t like god, he always tries to put it in my butt.
–D train
20-something man to friend: P.S. It was in the ass that I fucked her.
–3rd Ave
Overheard by: AdHoculi
Girl on cell: I mean, I don’t know if it’s because I like never do this or if it’s because it’s sooo big… But my ass is like really sore now! I mean, I can’t even sit down.
–UWS
Teenage girl on cell: You sound surprisingly perky for someone who just got butt raped.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: westchester girl
Young lady:… And then he jammed it in my shitbox.
–Livingston and Boerum, Brooklyn Heights
B&T suit on cell: You just have to level with her, dude. Just tell her that if she wants to land a husband in this day and age, she has to learn to like it in the butt.
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: David
Elegant lady on cell: I’m a powerful influence on the Kennedys.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Fat black man to white man who breaks his umbrella while trying to help him open it: Aw, hells no. Don’t make me go all Britney Spears on yo’ ass.
–Duane Reade, 57th & Broadway
Chick, to guy: Danny Pintauro hit on you at a leather club?
–14th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Ladle
Professor to class: … The ark of the covenant gone, only to be found by Harrison Ford later on.
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Krisztina
Barista to meathead: … That’s the thing about Drew Bledsoe. He smokes a lot of marijuana.
–11th & Bedford
NYU girl: I want to be Patrick Dempsey! So I could fuck myself!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Maya G.
Suit on cell: Dude, you’re dating Sigourney Weaver? Right now? Dude, are you kissing her? Are you grabbing her ass? Does she still have an ass at this point?
–66th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ken
30-ish suit: I don’t think you really like me, just the *idea* of me. You know, I come off great at parties, and I make a lot of money, but really…
20-something hippie girl: Wait, wait…I just wanted easy sex.
–Union Square
Suit #1: Paul and I just came back from Alaska.
Suit #2: Did you do the glacier walk?
Suit #1: Paul did. He took three steps and then came back in.
Suit #2: Only three steps?
Suit #1: Well, it’s icy.
–Javits Center
Suit #1: Dude, he’s SO strange. You know I walked passed his desk yesterday and he was researching stuff on his computer about religion. Some multicultural shit or something.
Suit #2: Woah.
Suit #1: Yeah, I know. [Pauses.] You know I bet he’s like one of those guys that dates a girl and calls her all the time and stalks her.
Suit #2: Totally.
–Starbucks, 30th and Park
Overheard by: Faetra
